About Pine River:
I started to share with you in my newsletters a story I started in January so long ago.
It was something I wasn't planning on, and I was kinda just having fun with it. I didn't have a plan what to do with it except write it slowly and publish it whenever I was done with it. And well, it's done! Or mostly done. It is in edits right now and coming to you May 2023.
Until then, you can read what I already shared in my newsletters. I've compiled them here.
A very very important note:
1. Do not copy/paste for your own records. That is a violation of my copyright.
If that happens, I'll stop sharing new stories via my newsletter.
It breaks my heart every time it happens.
2. These are still not edited so READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!
3. Add it to your TBR now.
Creak! Someone was sneaking into the house.
I rolled over, and checked the clock. 7:28 in the morning.
I knew who was sneaking in, and usually it’s not the parent creeping into the house at this time of day. But, rolling over, I sighed and sat up, knowing the roles weren’t completely reversed. They weren’t reversed at all. My mom was coming home from a double shift at Pine River Nursing Center. She was being the adult, doing all sorts of adult things like making the hard decision that what we had back in Cedra Valley was dunzo, and since we were in a situation where we needed family--off we went to Pine River in Minnesota. The population was barely three thousand so it was so opposite of everything we were used to. My last school had just that amount in my entire grade.
Yeah. Two totally different worlds, but change was needed sometimes.
I sat up, not fighting a yawn, and headed to the bathroom.
Washing. Showering. Make-up.
The whole ordeal.
Then I chose my clothes and since it was my first day at Pine River, I knew I needed to be smart about what to pick. Clothes were important. Clothes set off the first impression and I didn’t want too flashy. That was another lesson learned from this last year. Don’t be flashy. Don’t stick-out. Don’t be a target. But, on the flipside, I wasn’t a wallflower either. I wasn’t a pushover.
I went with tight black jeans, a textured gray short-sleeve shirt. It tied in the front with a small bow, and then a red flannel shirt to cover my arms. My light grey high tops rounded out the outfit, oh, and my long black feather earrings.
There.
I was preppy, edgy, cutesy, but also nothing on me stood out to be put in the pretty girl clique. I was pushing on the fashionable tomboy, but to be honest, that was more me than I’d ever been back in Cedra Valley.
It felt good.
It felt right.
I could pull this uniform off for one year. My last year, then it was college and wtfk: who the fuck knew.
Another sigh left me, and I took one last look in the mirror.
I normally had darker brown hair, but my highlights gave me the tawny brown look. Shoulder length. I purposefully asked for that cut because I could sweep it back and not need to worry about it.
As for hair, I was blessed.
It never got flat. It never got frizzy. There was always a slight curl to it and when it dried, it did it looking healthy and shiny. I had fan-fucking-tastic hair. That also meant I stayed away from any product. I wasn’t a dummy. I splurged with what money I had and bought the good stuff for shampoo. No conditioner. That was it. I kept it simple, but sleek and it worked for me so far.
Almond eyes. I had a heart-shaped face. My face was symmetrical. I’d been told that meant it was appealing to the eye.
No bullshit, I had a face where I could do almost anything with it. Being confident in my looks wasn’t my problem. I was confident, not arrogant. There’s a difference. My mama taught me to love my body, love my mind, and love my soul. I did all three, but that didn’t mean everyone else did and because of that, I was on a mission for no drama, no fighting, no targeting, no jealousy. Blend, but don’t let anyone target me either.
Okay. My own little pep-talk done, I nabbed my backpack and headed to the kitchen.
“Hey, sweetie.”
I left my bag in the hallway and rounded the corner, hearing my mom’s greeting. She was at the toaster, and I stopped for a moment and took her in. She was tired. She had the same hair as me, but she put hers up in a hair clip. She also didn’t believe in make-up because to my mom, what was the purpose anymore? Her scrubs were baggy on her, but she had gone to the thrift store and bought those. She had good sneakers on, though. She needed it since she was on her feet for nearly the last sixteen hours.
“Morning. Did you eat?” I helped myself to the coffee, knowing she brewed this pot for me.
“I did on my last break.” She put my toast on a plate and put it on the counter top.
After grabbing some creamer, I went over and sat, but I didn’t stop eyeing my mom.
We were in an odd situation.
We had money, or we were supposed to have money. My dad’s family was fighting what he left us so what money we had, we could lose just to the lawyers. Because of that, there was a shared understanding that while we might have nice things from our previous life, those might be the only nice things we have in the foreseeable future. And my mom being the typical housewife, getting an education, but never using her degree, she did whatever housewives did. And back in Cedra Valley, that was a lot of volunteering, a lot of luncheons, a lot of shindig parties in the evening, and a lot of gossiping. To my mom’s credit, she didn’t partake in the gossip, but she was friends with those ladies because usually the bigger the gossiper, the bigger the purse the wife had. My mom cared about giving back so being friends with those types was a requirement.
Sucks that they turned on her when my dad died, but since my mom taught me to love my body, mind, and spirit, I was also taught to believe in karma. One day those hypocritical self-righteous bitches would get ousted when their husbands wanted an upgrade that came in the form of a newer and younger version of themselves.
I might also be a bit bitter, on my mom's side. So there's that too.
“You ready for your first day?” She leaned back against the counter, her hands rising up on either side of her.
I had to grin because my mom was more nervous than I was.
I took a bite of my toast, and then gestured to her. “You can chill, Mom. I’ll be fine.”
She let out a sigh, her head dipping a little. “A part of me knows you’ll be fine. Your cousins are there, but the other part of me…” She gave me a sad smile. “You know I worry, honey.”
Yeah. Because the last year almost took the life out of us.
I got real and lowered the mask a little. “I’ll be fine, Mom. I mean it.”
She was reading me, and seeing that I truly wasn’t worried, she nodded. I could see the relief come over her. Her head lifted, and the worry lines left her. They were replaced with exhausted lines instead, but one small victory at a time. Reassuring my mom so she could try and get some much-needed sleep, that was a victory I’d carry with me all day. Score one for myself.
She crossed the room. “Okay, sweetie.” Cupping the back of my head, she pressed a kiss to my forehead. “I love you very much. Don’t let Clint get you in trouble today, and I’ll see you after school. Want me to pick you up?”
I shook my head, giving my mom a hug before stepping back.
“I’ll be good, Mom. I promise. I might bike, give the car a rest.”
She frowned, taking in my coffee and the piece of toast I still had left. “You’re going to bike and carry your coffee?”
“I’m super talented. I can do many things at once.”
She groaned, but chuckled. “I have no doubt. Just… be okay, okay?”
Yeah.
Be okay.
The other mission I had for this year.
“I will.” The words slipped out in a whisper. I hadn’t meant for that to happen, but they made her look even more relieved. She knew I wasn’t putting on a big bravado here.
“Safe and smart.”
Biking to Cedra Valley wouldn’t have been safe and smart. Too many interstates and bad neighborhoods, but Pine River--totally safe. I’d visited my cousins so many times and they’d driven me through the town so that I knew if there was a bad part of town, it would’ve been isolated to one or two blocks. For the most part, this town seemed the quintessential ‘small town,’ and in my mind, that meant everyone knew everyone. Everyone looked out for everyone.
Right?
I could be wrong, but I’d have to wait and see. I only knew my cousins here.
Pouring my coffee in a to-go cup, I headed out, finishing my last slice in four bites. My mom was already upstairs and she’d be out within a few minutes, or I was hoping. I locked the door behind me, making sure my keys and phone were in my bag, and then grabbing my bike, I headed out.
I’d been to their high school before, but not the new one. According to my cousins, they tore down the old one and a brand spanking new one was put up over the spring and summer, and it was the first year for everyone to use it. Riding up to the parking lot, I was surprised. The building was gorgeous. The doorway side had a huge column extending from over the doors to the roof, up probably three stories. The entire rest of the front was all glass windows. Floor to ceiling, and there was some form of walkway on the second level. The first level, as I went in and through the metal detectors, was the cafeteria.
Or a side of the cafeteria eating area because there were tables and booths everywhere.
Looking into the middle of the school, it extended from front to back and the opening shot all the way up to a ceiling with some serious skylights. I knew snow was an issue here, but damn. They must’ve fitted those skylights with some serious melting capability or they’d be shoveling hella a lot. Still, though. It gave their school a very cool feeling to it. Like we were outside, but not. The vitamin D must’ve been an issue in these parts of the country.
“You done gawking?” A security guard was waiting for me to move forward.
I shot him a look, grabbed my bag and headed to the door that had Front Office on its sign. Going through, there were a few other students. A couple guys. Some girls. I could tell a few were underclassmen, just because they looked so tiny. There was another guy in a chair with a seriously pissed off look on his face. He had tattoos all over him, his hair cut in a crew-Mohawk, which was kinda cool. It fit for him.
He glanced at me, his eyes sparking in interest, but before he or I could say something, a girl stepped aside and the receptionist held out her hand. “Sweetie. Come here.” She wiggled her fingers to me, and I stepped forward.
Who wouldn’t at that invitation?
I was being sarcastic.
“You have papers?” She peered over the top of her reading glasses, her eyes squinting. “You’re new, right? I don’t recognize you.”
“Yes. Ramsey Williams.”
“No papers?” She pursed her lips together, looking me over before making a clicking sound in her throat and going back to her computer screen.
I frowned. “I didn’t know I was supposed to bring papers? What papers?”
She was already typing, then paused and leaned closer to her screen. “Nope. You’re good. You were registered last week.” Those very no-nonsense eyes pinned me back in place. “What are you in here for?”
I shifted back on my feet. This lady was unnerving.
I straightened and readjusted my bag over my shoulder. “I was told to stop in for my locker and class schedule. That stuff.”
“Gotcha.” She was back to typing and a curse left her before the printer started up behind her. Wheeling back, she grabbed the paper, then scribbled something on the back of it and handed it over. She pointed to the top corner. “Locker number. Code is here. And your schedule. We’re not doing student IDs this morning, but stop in anytime this afternoon and we’ll get that settled for you as well. Now, you’ll need an ID for lunch. You got money on you? Know anyone here?”
Fud-ruckers.
I did, but I’d been hoping to keep my cousins on the downlow. They were the opposite of ‘blending in.’
“Uh--”
“I’ll spot you.”
The tattoo guy stood, giving me the head-jerk. It was something ‘cool’ people did, and I knew that my outfit passed muster because I was now ‘cool’ official here. Just then, an older staff-looking guy wearing a tie, dress shirt, and slacks came out from a back hallway and stopped, looking over the waiting room.
“Caleb?” He made a motion to follow him.
It was in between snapping his fingers and a finger-wriggle. It was attached to a long and frustrating sigh as he added, “Why are you already in my office? School hasn’t even had their first class.”
The guy smirked, grabbing his backpack and circling around me. He said under his breath, “Caleb Rice. Find me at lunch. No problem.” He gave me a once-over before whistling to himself. “No problem at all.”
Maybe I needed to rethink my outfit choices? The once-over was too in-my-face. I didn’t like it.
“Thanks, but I know people.” My tone was cool, the chilly kind this time.
He’d been rounding the desk, but paused and assessed me again. Then he tipped his head. “See you around.”
I was a dick.
I threw back his invite and he noted it, and I knew--I was overthinking it. I just hoped he wasn’t some school dictator, because those did exist.
A throat was cleared, and I looked back to the receptionist. She was giving me another suspicious look, but it was even more suspicious than before like an ant crawled in her mouth and she wasn’t aware it was ant yet. “Come this afternoon for your ID. Do you, in fact, actually know people here?”
I nodded. “I do.”
“Good, and word of advice,” she gestured down the hallway where Caleb Rice and the older man went. “I’d stay away from that one.” Then she pasted on a closed smile. “Have a nice day, Dear.” She leaned to the side. “Next!”
I was heading out the door, when a girl came beside me. “Hi.”
She had blonde hair, pulled back in a low bun, and her face was covered in freckles. She beamed at me. “I’m Gem, and I overheard and saw everything and I’ve decided that you and I are going to be friends.”
I raised an eyebrow. “We are?”
Her head bobbed up and down, in one firm swoop. “Oh yeah. Anyone who can give Caleb Rice the toss is already a goddess in my mind.”
Oh, great. “Is he a big deal around here?”
She shrugged, then nodding to my paper. “I’ll tell you on the way to your locker. What’s your number?” I told her, and we headed down a hallway. “He’s not a nobody, if that’s what you’re worried about. He’s actually not a bad guy, but he goes through girls like one a week. It’s kinda gross when you think about it, but all the girls know. They still end up in his bed and then they fight about it when the next girl is chosen. He also got two girls pregnant last year so again, it’s a good sign that you read him right and didn’t take up his offer. You’d be pegged as the first week girl and I don’t think that’s what you want.” She veered through a group of people, nodding to a locker. “Here’s yours. Mine’s over there.” She pointed across the hallway. “Give me two seconds. I’ll grab my stuff and be back to show you to your first class.”
It took two turns before getting my code to work.
I had my bag in and was grabbing my phone when it buzzed.
Alex: Hey!! You here? Where are you?
Crap.
Me: Here, but you guys are supposed to act like you don’t know me.
Gem was heading back, a notebook and laptop in hand when I felt the hallway shift.
The crowds parted, literally, and a group of guys were sauntering down the hallway.
Gem sighed, falling to my neighbor’s locker. She jerked her chin up towards the group. “Wanna know who’s at the top? Those guys are.” Her eyes narrowed and she was scanning their group. “Or, most of them are there. There’s another two that aren’t with them, but see those triplets?”
My heart sank, as I looked because I did see them.
I saw them very well.
Gem was narrating as they were coming closer, “Gorgeous, blonde, gods. Triplets. All jocks too, by the way, but interestingly, different sports. And again, can I say triplets? That’s Trenton talking to the dark haired guy. The dark-haired guy who isn’t a Triplet, is Dom Rodriguez. The middle triplet is Clint, and he’s the trouble-maker of the three. The last triple is Alex, and--”
I was waiting because I saw it before she saw it.
Then her hand clamped on my arm, and I winced as she shrieked in my ear, “OMG! Alex is looking right at us.” A pause. “At you. He’s looking at you! OMG!”
She was shrieking in a whispered hiss into my ear and it was giving me nails on the chalkboard vibe. I gave Alex a dirty look and turned my back to my locker because Trenton and Clint hadn’t seen me, and she wasn’t exaggerating saying Clint was the troublemaker of the three. I didn’t want to start the first five minutes of my new high school career by getting into a fight with him, and I would’ve, because those triplets were my cousins.
She sucked in her breath. I could hear her hyperventilating next to me right as another presence waited on my other side.
I waited.
He didn’t go away.
I knew it was a he because I knew who it was, and after a little bit, I said, “Go away.”
Alex started laughing, falling to the locker next to me and facing the hallway. He rested one leg up, his knee extended and he was doing the jock-cool-lounge thing, like he didn’t give a rat’s ass who was watching. The nice thing about Alex, he truly didn’t care.
Or he didn’t pay attention.
He poked me in the arm. “Come on. This is ridiculous. It’s going to come out. Some guy is going to hit on you, talk dirty about you, and we all know how that’ll go over. Embrace the cousin love, Rams. We’re here and we’re not the ones embarrassed to tell people who we care about.” He leaned around me, and I could hear his smile. “Hey, Gem.” His arm fell around my shoulders and he turned me around, pulling me back against him. His chin rested on my shoulder. “Have you met my cousin? Ramsey. She’s pretty awesome if you want a cool friend.”
I groaned, closing my eyes.
I could hear the attention from the girls in the hallway. Literally all of them were watching us.
Or I was hoping they weren’t, but I looked and yes, they were.
Gem looked like she was about to fall over. “You know my name.”
Alex laughed again, coming to stand beside me, but kept his arm resting around my shoulders. “Our school isn’t that big.” He nudged me with his elbow. “What’s your first class?”
I held up my schedule.
He saw and started laughing. “Yeah, that whole plan of yours would’ve died a quick death.” He gave me a look. “Clint’s in your first class.”
I groaned again. “Seriously?”
“What class do you have?”
Gem stopped her gawking, but she was still flushed in her cheeks.
“AP chem.”
I showed her my schedule and her eyes got big. “These are all AP classes. And fourth year Spanish?”
“Si. I moved from Texas. Knowing Spanish down there is just smart.”
“We have no classes together.”
Alex reached over and took my schedule. “Uh… I’m in your third period and your fifth period. Trent’s in your fourth. Clint will show you where your second class is.”
I took it back. “When’s lunch?”
“Between fourth and fifth. You have study hall seventh period?” He shot me a grin. “You do that on purpose?”
I was smiling on the inside, but only shrugged. “Maybe.”
He gave me a knowing look. “They take attendance here for study hall. It’s not a skip class.”
Well, fuck. “I’m new. Maybe if I don’t show up the first week, I don’t ever have to show up.”
Alex burst out laughing. “Yeah, that right there tells me there’s no way you can ‘blend in’ here.” He was shaking his head, but his eyes were amused. “I’m excited to have you here.”
The first bell rang, and Alex took off, after telling me to find him for lunch.
Gem faced me, her eyes back to bulging. She breathed out, “I cannot believe you know Alex Maroney. That means you know Clint and Trenton too, and I claimed you first as a friend.” She pivoted on her heels, her hands shooting up in the air. “Go, me!” She rounded right back, dropping her arms. “I’m just kidding. Not really. I’m excited, that’s all, but please remember I wanted to be your friend before I knew you were related to Pine River royalty.”
“Royalty?”
A second bell rang.
She groaned. “Okay. We have to go. I’ll show you your first class, and I’ve got a feeling your cousins will take care of you after.”
We took off, and she showed me my first class.
She gave another wave. “See you at lunch!”
I walked in and saw two empty seats. One was in the front, and another was in the back next to the cool guy in the group. My cousin. He was laughing at what two other guys in front of him were saying, but seeing me, his laughter died down. He straightened.
Here’s my dilemma.
Yes. Alex was right. The whole keeping the cousin thing had been dumb and it was already shot. Alex hugging me and then putting his arm around my shoulders cemented that. If it wasn’t already around school, it would be by lunch. My cousins were seniors and they were topshelf. I knew what that meant, but me and Clint… that was a whole other different dynamic.
He got me in trouble.
I got him in trouble.
We got each other in trouble.
And today, right now, I didn’t want trouble.
Because of that, I hugged my laptop tighter and headed for the front seat.
He harrumphed as I passed their table. “Pussy.”
The guys all choked.
One said, “Dude. Why?”
I swung around, because goddammit. He already lit that string that attached to my Clint bomb. It was permanently inside of me, and I growled, “Excuse me, dipshit?”
The room went silent.
“Damn!” The same ‘dude’ guy laughed.
Clint rotated his chair so he was facing me. The tables were high-top chemistry tables. The chairs were stools. He was at the same height as me standing.
He smirked. “You’re new. Why the fuck you going to sit up front? Sit here. We’re the cool guys.”
I smirked right back. “Funny. When you explain you’re cool, that makes you not cool.”
His eyes darkened, but I saw the flash. He was loving this. He always loved when we fought. He leaned forward, placing a hand on the empty stool between us. “You’re a chicken shit. Don’t think you can handle hanging with us?” His tone was mocking.
The class was silent, listening. I had no doubt we were the new ping pong game of entertainment for them. And Alex had been so right that it wasn’t even funny.
I leaned down, glaring. “I can hang, honey. I just don’t want to.”
To our credit, the words weren’t really controversial or even mean for the both of us. If we went at it, we could really go at it. We had a complicated relationship, but everything was more dramatic because despite my taunt, Clint was popular here and no one knew who I was. If they knew this was a family dispute, half the people would’ve gone back to their daily programmed conversations.
Just then the teacher entered the room, and he stopped, seeing us. Then, a sigh. “Clint, this is the new girl. Are you already hitting on her?”
Clint’s face screwed up in disgust.
I whirled around. “Don’t. Please. I don’t want to vomit my first class here.”
A few gasps. That must’ve been another insult towards Clint, but he snickered.
His friends laughed too. One whispered, “She’s sassy. I like it.”
“Don’t go there.” Clint’s snicker cut off on a growl, real quick-like.
“What?”
The guy was confused. I’m sure everyone was.
“Miss…” The teacher was looking at his attendance sheet. “Williams?” He looked up for confirmation.
I gave a quick nod.
He looked behind me, seeing the empty stool and scanned the room, seeing the other empty stool. Then his eyebrows pulled together and he went over the list again, and scanned the room. “Where is Mr. Raiden?”
Nothing.
Nada.
No one said a word.
“Clint, where is Mr. Raiden?”
Clint glanced to me before going to the teacher. “I don’t know, Mr. Leonard. He had a fight last night so he might not be in today.”
The teacher let out a frustrated sound before returning to his current problem: me.
“You can have a seat with Miss Harthorne in the front.”
“What?” The girl in front rounded. “I sit alone, Mr. Leonard. You know I have claustrophobia. I don’t know her. I’ll be claustrophobic if a stranger sits next to me.”
Another frustrated sound gurgled out from Mr. Leonard’s throat. His eyes went flat. “Then sit with someone who won’t give you claustrophobia because you won’t be claiming an entire table to yourself and force three other students to share a table. Choose.”
Her mouth fell open, but when the teacher didn’t change his mind and didn’t look like he was going to, a high-pitched squeak came from her. She shoved up from her seat, grabbing her stuff and she looked over the class. She looked at Clint.
I looked at Clint.
He looked at me, a plea in his eyes. He did not want her to sit with him.
Just then, the door swung open and I wasn’t prepared.
I should’ve been prepared.
Someone should’ve told me because the guy who walked in was the most gorgeous specimen I’d ever seen, on and off screen. I felt rocked and I got light-headed.
He was tall, lean, and a strong jawline. His shirt was kinda tight on him, not embarrassing tight, but tight where it fell loosely but oh so snugly over his stomach and the ripples could be seen. The bicep muscles were seen, and they were delicious. He had a tribal tattoo running down his arm, not around, down. He raked his hand through his hair and the same line was underneath as well.
A chin with an indent in the middle. His cheekbones were high, but they only shaped his face so his lips were fucking mesmerizing.
Golden.
It was the best word to describe him.
A golden god.
I thought my cousins were golden blonde triplets, but not like this guy.
His eyes were dark and piercing. His hair a dark dirty blonde and it was messed up, but the kind of messed up where he didn’t give a fuck and it worked because it made everyone want to fuck him. Like, immediately.
I felt punched in the face, another hit to my chest, a third to my stomach, and I was being kneed in the vagina. It was -- not a reaction I wanted, and because of that I hated this guy. Immediately. I had a scowl on my face, and I knew it was there, and I knew I shouldn’t be scowling, but I already was.
I couldn’t help it.
He also had a decent black eye, and the right part of his face was banged up. This was ‘Mr. Raiden' and as Clint said, it looked like he’d been in a fight. The side of his mouth was cut up and swollen as well.
“Ah. Mr. Raiden. You have graced our school with your presence this morning.”
I waited for the teach to comment on his bruised face.
He didn’t.
“We have found ourselves in a dilemma here. We have two empty seats. Yourself and Miss Williams both need to claim one of them, but we have Miss Harthorne who is claiming she’ll be claustrophobic if she sits with someone she doesn’t know. We also seem to be having an instant bickering dynamic between Mr. Maroney and Miss Williams as well.” He looked to me. “Please don’t take this personally. You’re new. Miss Harthorne is having a temper tantrum. This is common place--”
“It is not!”
As he was speaking to me, I felt Mr. Raiden’s gaze come my way too. He wasn’t looking at my face. He was giving me the once-over, and since I was new, I was going to get this today by a lot of people. I knew this. I was prepared for this, but most times I could withstand the once-over without being affected. This guy, his eyes trailing over me, was flooding me with feelings and sensations and shivers I did not want to experience. It only made me even more pissed, and by the time he got to my face, he checked my lips, then checked my hostility. His eyes flew to mine, and the blatant interest was masked as he scowled back.
I relaxed.
Good.
As long as we got that settled.
I didn’t like him, and seeing the fuck you look in his eyes, I was seeing he didn’t like me either.
I really only had one option then because there was no way I was letting the Harthorne bitch take Clint’s seat and force me to sit with this guy.
I announced, “I’ll sit with Clint.” And I dropped abruptly on the stool behind me.
Or I would’ve.
Clint had pulled the stool away at the last second.
***
It happened in slow motion.
I heard the class gasp and then the laughter.
I locked gazes with my cousin and saw him smirking at me.
And as I was falling, I grabbed him. If I was going down, he was going down with me. Once we both hit the floor, he shoved upright, a glare on his face--or he would’ve. I twisted and kicked his feet out from under him. He fell back down, and then I was up, and I took his stool instead.
He jumped up.
I was sure the class had no idea how to digest this. I didn’t care.
“Get off my stool, Rams,” he growled.
My answer? I kicked out the one I would’ve sat on and said, “Go fetch.”
He growled and glared at me, but he didn’t make a move to take me off his stool. He knew better. I grew up with this kid. Besides the triplets, they had two other brothers. Our mothers were sisters, and when we got together, it was one girl and five boys. We didn’t spend our time playing with stuffed animals, like I would’ve wanted. We wrestled. We played football. Foosball. We did everything the boys wanted because they were the majority, so because of that, when I had to wrestle, I learned how to hold my own.
Clint knew this. He and I tangled the most, and we weren’t in one of our backyards. We were in his school, and he had a reputation to withhold.
I raised an eyebrow, but then he moved.
He grabbed my stool, slammed it back in place, and swooped me up the next second.
I made a sound, but I had no idea how it sounded, and then he deposited me back on my stool, and he returned to his with a huff.
I forgot how strong he was, or noting to myself, how strong Alex and Trenton would be too. We weren’t little kids scraping anymore.
Looking around, he closed his eyes for a second.
Everyone was gaping at us. Everyone. Even the teach.
I didn’t look at Mr. Raiden. I already knew I’d be ignoring him forever and ever, but then Clint announced, “We’re cousins. It may not look like it, but I love this piece of shit.”
My hand lashed out, and I found a good chunk of his underarm and twisted. He cried out before squashing it and wrenched his arm back. Another glare my way, but I had one to return.
I said, hotly, “Don’t call me that.”
He sighed.
Tit for tat.
I’d go all day, but so could Clint. Normally.
Again, new territory here.
He gave in. “Fine. Sorry.”
Then the teacher had the last word.
“Detention for both of you.”
Here’s my dilemma.
Yes. Alex was right. The whole keeping the cousin thing had been dumb and it was already shot. Alex hugging me and then putting his arm around my shoulders cemented that. If it wasn’t already around school, it would be by lunch. My cousins were seniors and they were topshelf. I knew what that meant, but me and Clint… that was a whole other different dynamic.
He got me in trouble.
I got him in trouble.
We got each other in trouble.
And today, right now, I didn’t want trouble.
Because of that, I hugged my laptop tighter and headed for the front seat.
He harrumphed as I passed their table. “Pussy.”
The guys all choked.
One said, “Dude. Why?”
I swung around, because goddammit. He already lit that string that attached to my Clint bomb. It was permanently inside of me, and I growled, “Excuse me, dipshit?”
The room went silent.
“Damn!” The same ‘dude’ guy laughed.
Clint rotated his chair so he was facing me. The tables were high-top chemistry tables. The chairs were stools. He was at the same height as me standing.
He smirked. “You’re new. Why the fuck you going to sit up front? Sit here. We’re the cool guys.”
I smirked right back. “Funny. When you explain you’re cool, that makes you not cool.”
His eyes darkened, but I saw the flash. He was loving this. He always loved when we fought. He leaned forward, placing a hand on the empty stool between us. “You’re a chicken shit. Don’t think you can handle hanging with us?” His tone was mocking.
The class was silent, listening. I had no doubt we were the new ping pong game of entertainment for them. And Alex had been so right that it wasn’t even funny.
I leaned down, glaring. “I can hang, honey. I just don’t want to.”
To our credit, the words weren’t really controversial or even mean for the both of us. If we went at it, we could really go at it. We had a complicated relationship, but everything was more dramatic because despite my taunt, Clint was popular here and no one knew who I was. If they knew this was a family dispute, half the people would’ve gone back to their daily programmed conversations.
Just then the teacher entered the room, and he stopped, seeing us. Then, a sigh. “Clint, this is the new girl. Are you already hitting on her?”
Clint’s face screwed up in disgust.
I whirled around. “Don’t. Please. I don’t want to vomit my first class here.”
A few gasps. That must’ve been another insult towards Clint, but he snickered.
His friends laughed too. One whispered, “She’s sassy. I like it.”
“Don’t go there.” Clint’s snicker cut off on a growl, real quick-like.
“What?”
The guy was confused. I’m sure everyone was.
“Miss…” The teacher was looking at his attendance sheet. “Williams?” He looked up for confirmation.
I gave a quick nod.
He looked behind me, seeing the empty stool and scanned the room, seeing the other empty stool. Then his eyebrows pulled together and he went over the list again, and scanned the room. “Where is Mr. Raiden?”
Nothing.
Nada.
No one said a word.
“Clint, where is Mr. Raiden?”
Clint glanced to me before going to the teacher. “I don’t know, Mr. Leonard. He had a fight last night so he might not be in today.”
The teacher let out a frustrated sound before returning to his current problem: me.
“You can have a seat with Miss Harthorne in the front.”
“What?” The girl in front rounded. “I sit alone, Mr. Leonard. You know I have claustrophobia. I don’t know her. I’ll be claustrophobic if a stranger sits next to me.”
Another frustrated sound gurgled out from Mr. Leonard’s throat. His eyes went flat. “Then sit with someone who won’t give you claustrophobia because you won’t be claiming an entire table to yourself and force three other students to share a table. Choose.”
Her mouth fell open, but when the teacher didn’t change his mind and didn’t look like he was going to, a high-pitched squeak came from her. She shoved up from her seat, grabbing her stuff and she looked over the class. She looked at Clint.
I looked at Clint.
He looked at me, a plea in his eyes. He did not want her to sit with him.
Just then, the door swung open and I wasn’t prepared.
I should’ve been prepared.
Someone should’ve told me because the guy who walked in was the most gorgeous specimen I’d ever seen, on and off screen. I felt rocked and I got light-headed.
He was tall, lean, and a strong jawline. His shirt was kinda tight on him, not embarrassing tight, but tight where it fell loosely but oh so snugly over his stomach and the ripples could be seen. The bicep muscles were seen, and they were delicious. He had a tribal tattoo running down his arm, not around, down. He raked his hand through his hair and the same line was underneath as well.
A chin with an indent in the middle. His cheekbones were high, but they only shaped his face so his lips were fucking mesmerizing.
Golden.
It was the best word to describe him.
A golden god.
I thought my cousins were golden blonde triplets, but not like this guy.
His eyes were dark and piercing. His hair a dark dirty blonde and it was messed up, but the kind of messed up where he didn’t give a fuck and it worked because it made everyone want to fuck him. Like, immediately.
I felt punched in the face, another hit to my chest, a third to my stomach, and I was being kneed in the vagina. It was -- not a reaction I wanted, and because of that I hated this guy. Immediately. I had a scowl on my face, and I knew it was there, and I knew I shouldn’t be scowling, but I already was.
I couldn’t help it.
He also had a decent black eye, and the right part of his face was banged up. This was ‘Mr. Raiden' and as Clint said, it looked like he’d been in a fight. The side of his mouth was cut up and swollen as well.
“Ah. Mr. Raiden. You have graced our school with your presence this morning.”
I waited for the teach to comment on his bruised face.
He didn’t.
“We have found ourselves in a dilemma here. We have two empty seats. Yourself and Miss Williams both need to claim one of them, but we have Miss Harthorne who is claiming she’ll be claustrophobic if she sits with someone she doesn’t know. We also seem to be having an instant bickering dynamic between Mr. Maroney and Miss Williams as well.” He looked to me. “Please don’t take this personally. You’re new. Miss Harthorne is having a temper tantrum. This is common place--”
“It is not!”
As he was speaking to me, I felt Mr. Raiden’s gaze come my way too. He wasn’t looking at my face. He was giving me the once-over, and since I was new, I was going to get this today by a lot of people. I knew this. I was prepared for this, but most times I could withstand the once-over without being affected. This guy, his eyes trailing over me, was flooding me with feelings and sensations and shivers I did not want to experience. It only made me even more pissed, and by the time he got to my face, he checked my lips, then checked my hostility. His eyes flew to mine, and the blatant interest was masked as he scowled back.
I relaxed.
Good.
As long as we got that settled.
I didn’t like him, and seeing the fuck you look in his eyes, I was seeing he didn’t like me either.
I really only had one option then because there was no way I was letting the Harthorne bitch take Clint’s seat and force me to sit with this guy.
I announced, “I’ll sit with Clint.” And I dropped abruptly on the stool behind me.
Or I would’ve.
Clint had pulled the stool away at the last second.
***
It happened in slow motion.
I heard the class gasp and then the laughter.
I locked gazes with my cousin and saw him smirking at me.
And as I was falling, I grabbed him. If I was going down, he was going down with me. Once we both hit the floor, he shoved upright, a glare on his face--or he would’ve. I twisted and kicked his feet out from under him. He fell back down, and then I was up, and I took his stool instead.
He jumped up.
I was sure the class had no idea how to digest this. I didn’t care.
“Get off my stool, Rams,” he growled.
My answer? I kicked out the one I would’ve sat on and said, “Go fetch.”
He growled and glared at me, but he didn’t make a move to take me off his stool. He knew better. I grew up with this kid. Besides the triplets, they had two other brothers. Our mothers were sisters, and when we got together, it was one girl and five boys. We didn’t spend our time playing with stuffed animals, like I would’ve wanted. We wrestled. We played football. Foosball. We did everything the boys wanted because they were the majority, so because of that, when I had to wrestle, I learned how to hold my own.
Clint knew this. He and I tangled the most, and we weren’t in one of our backyards. We were in his school, and he had a reputation to withhold.
I raised an eyebrow, but then he moved.
He grabbed my stool, slammed it back in place, and swooped me up the next second.
I made a sound, but I had no idea how it sounded, and then he deposited me back on my stool, and he returned to his with a huff.
I forgot how strong he was, or noting to myself, how strong Alex and Trenton would be too. We weren’t little kids scraping anymore.
Looking around, he closed his eyes for a second.
Everyone was gaping at us. Everyone. Even the teach.
I didn’t look at Mr. Raiden. I already knew I’d be ignoring him forever and ever, but then Clint announced, “We’re cousins. It may not look like it, but I love this piece of shit.”
My hand lashed out, and I found a good chunk of his underarm and twisted. He cried out before squashing it and wrenched his arm back. Another glare my way, but I had one to return.
I said, hotly, “Don’t call me that.”
He sighed.
Tit for tat.
I’d go all day, but so could Clint. Normally.
Again, new territory here.
He gave in. “Fine. Sorry.”
Then the teacher had the last word.
“Detention for both of you.”
Word got out about me by lunch.
Clint showed me where my second class was, and Alex was waiting for me to walk me to our third. Trent was in my fourth and with each class, more and more people were shooting me looks. The conversations and whispers would quiet when I got close.
I wasn’t expecting this much attention.
I knew the triplets were popular, but I didn’t think this school would be as big as it was. I found Gem in the cafeteria, and I mentioned this when she asked how my morning had gone.
“Yeah.” She moved forward in line, grabbing a salad and a water. “That’s because we’re the biggest town outside of the city. There’s a ton of smaller towns surrounding us, but they aren’t big enough to have their own schools so everyone congregates here. There’s a casino not far, and like I said, the cities are close. Plus, there’s Pine Valley across the river too.”
“With the distance, that’s allowed?”
“They aren’t that far away. School lines are broad here. Really broad.”
“Wow.”
At the register, Gem glanced at me. “You don’t have your ID yet, do you?”
I shook my head. “Sorry. I forgot. I was going to ask one of my cousins to spell me.”
“Not a problem.” She flicked her card over to the lady. “It’s not like this is the only time we’ll be eating together.” She gave me a wink, taking her card back and then we scanned the cafeteria.
It was bustling with people. Almost every table was full, and the door was opening and closing constantly. People were in the hallway. There was a door that opened to the outside, and people were going in and out of there too. There was a store that had a whole line of people waiting to get food from it.
“I could’ve paid for my own food there.”
“That’s all junk food. This line has some healthy choices. It’s all good.” She nodded towards a table in the far corner. “Look. That one’s mostly empty. I know the girls sitting there.”
But as we approached, those girls got up and headed out. Heads bent together, laughing and talking. They didn’t see us coming so I wasn’t taking it as a personal sign of my social status.
Gem grinned at me. “Even better.” She went on the far side, and I sat with my back to the room. She was looking beyond me. “The elite crowd don’t usually eat in here. They grab their food and head outside, or head to a local fast food place.” She started to eat her salad, but paused and straightened upright. “Oh. Whoa.”
I turned, feeling my phone buzzing at the same time.
Alex: Where r u?
Clint calling.
I answered, looking to see what Gem was seeing at the same time. “Hey.”
“Where are you?!” he barked into the phone.
There was a crowd starting in the middle of the cafeteria, and Gem was on her feet.
Everyone was on their feet.
People started running to see what was going on.
“In the cafe--” Dialtone.
He hung up, but catching movement from the corner of my eye, Clint had come inside. He nodded to me as both Alex and Trenton looked too. Seeing I was okay, they ran forward. Clint held up a hand to me, yelling, “Stay there!”
Gem was around the table. She heard him and said, grabbing my arm at the same time, “Fuck that.” She pulled me with her.
Clint threw his head back, groaning in frustration, but he angled through the crowd, coming to my side.
“You should go somewhere else.” He got in my face.
Gem frowned at him, but tugged me around and we hopped to a table to see better. In the middle of the crowd were two guys I recognized, which shocked me. I shouldn’t recognize anyone. I barely knew enough people to recognize someone, but I was. And I did.
And they weren’t my cousins, which also shocked me.
Caleb Rice, tattoo guy from the front office, was trading punches with another guy, but it was the guy standing immediately behind the one I didn’t know that I knew too. Mr. Raiden. I still didn’t know his first name. I hadn’t asked my cousins and no one else talked to me besides Gem. I hadn’t gotten the info from her.
That was planned for lunch-time talk.
“Fight! Fight! Fight!”
The crowd was chanting, egging them on, and both Caleb and the other guy looked even in the fight. One would punch, the other would counter. The one guy got a couple roundhouse kicks to Caleb’s face, and that pushed him back, but by then teachers and security were running in. They pushed in, but Caleb and the other guy wouldn’t stop hitting each other.
Clint growled and jumped off the table, pushing through the crowd.
By then, Alex and Trenton moved forward as well and instead of the teachers and the guards, my cousins waded in. Clint grabbed the guy I didn’t know, wrapping his arms around the guys’ arms and yanked him back. Trenton did the same with Caleb Rice, and Alex stood in the middle, his arms held out towards both. All three of them were yelling for the other to stand down.
I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t stop myself. My gaze trailed towards Mr. Raiden, who was staring at me and with an intensity that made me jump back from surprise.
Glowering hatred was coming at me, and as I readied myself, and stared back, a good ‘fuck you’ look from me, his jaw clenched and slowly, he swung his gaze back to his friend. Caleb and his friend were both yelling at each other, trying to swing around my cousins, but Mr. Raiden stepped up.
He said something. I couldn’t hear it, but it was short and simple, and as if he flicked a switch, both guys stopped fighting.
My cousins dropped their arms.
The guards grabbed the two fighters as the teachers started waving for the crowd to disperse.
“Yeah, fuck you, Scout--”
Scout? That was his first name? Or the other guy?
Raiden started for him, and Caleb melted backwards. Almost literally.
It was somewhat comical to watch.
My eyebrows shot high up. “If that dude had that power to stop the fight so quick, why didn’t he step in right away?”
“Oh.” Gem looked at me, biting her lip. “I can see the job to fill you in on all the school gossip has fallen to my shoulders. I suppose your cousins weren’t going to tell you the hierarchy here.”
I frowned at her.
“Come, my child. You have much to learn.”
Most everyone was sitting back down while a group lingered in the middle. A few guys, and a bunch of girls. They were talking with my cousins.
I followed Gem to our table.
“Okay.” Gem almost dropped down on her seat, giving me a shrewd look. “First off, I have a feeling your cousins are going to head over here any second, so I gotta start at the top. The top being Scout Raiden.”
Scout. That was his first name.
Why’d it have to be a hot name too?
Figures.
“And the reason he didn’t fight is because he can’t, like literally.”
I frowned. “What do you mean? The dude was in a fight last night, Clint said in class.”
“Like a sanctioned fight, like a fight in a league where people can bet and make money off him.”
“Like a pro?”
“He’s going pro. He’s eighteen this year so he’s too young for the UFC to give him a contract, but he’s on his way. He moved here a year ago when he was starting to really get noticed in his career. No one knows why, but he moved in with an uncle and it’s his uncle that’s been training him. I guess his uncle is some big guy in the UFC world. I don’t really know, to be honest, but he’s loaded. I do know that. He had a gym built on the river solely to train Scout there. Other guys train and pay to work out there, but everyone knows that Scout was the whole reason it was built. And don’t ask me why they moved here. The rumor is that his uncle or his mom wanted to keep him from fighting in the cities, like street fighting so they moved out here. But who knows if any of that is true. All I know, is that the guy can fight. Like, for real fight.”
“What if he has to fight?”
She shook her head. “It can’t happen, or I don’t think it can happen. I’m kinda fuzzy on the rules myself. Self-defense might be one thing, but even there, it’s going to be frowned upon. Don’t quote me on that, but he could also get kicked out of his league. So if you want to know someone famous, he’s it. Or he’s going to be famous, like uber famous. He’s getting a name in the fighting world right now, but according to everyone in town and everyone in the state, he’s probably going to get a contract when he turns nineteen. The UFC has only signed two other nineteen year olds. He’ll be the third.”
I glanced back, saw he was grinning at something Clint was saying.
“What’s he like?”
“Like?”
“His personality. He’s friends with my cousins.”
Gem shrugged, eating her salad again. “He’s okay, I guess. He doesn’t talk to anyone, except your cousins and Cohen. He’s best friends with Alex and Cohen so I’ll guess you’ll get to know what he’s like.”
“Cohen was the guy fighting Caleb?”
“Yeah. Cohen Rodriguez. He and Scout have been tight since the first day. I think they knew each other before he moved here, but he’s gotten close to your cousin too.”
I looked back, unable to stop myself.
As if hearing our conversation, he stopped grinning and turned. His eyes found mine, and his amusement fled. The same hatred from before simmered there, glaring back at me, because I realized I’d been glaring first.
I turned my back, frustrated. What was my problem?
No. Wait. I knew.
I wanted to fuck him, but I wasn’t going to because the last guy I slept with--a wave of emotion swept up in me, threatening to choke me. I wasn’t going there.
I couldn’t, unless I was okay going comatose for a full week.
But, damn. It was rising, building. Spreading.
It was too fast, too strong. I knew what was happening and I couldn’t stop it. I was already too far gone so I knew what I needed to do to handle it.
I shoved up, muttering, “I gotta go.”
So dramatic, but gah.
I thought I dealt with this shit. I thought I had pushed these emotions out of me, destroyed them, but they were still in me, and they were taking over. They always took over.
I’d be paralyzed if I didn’t do something.
My mom would deal, and knowing that, I bypassed the hall that went to my locker and sailed out of school. I was on my bike within a minute, and pushing out of the parking lot when the tears started falling. I couldn’t hold them back any longer.
Shit, shit, shit.
Talk about teenager tragedy.
First day and I was skipping by lunch, a sobfest choking my insides, but damn. Damn!
I couldn’t go there. Like, ever.
I didn’t know that guy, Scout.
I hadn’t even spoken a word with him.
He reminded me of--him. That’s why. That’s all.
This was old crap that I hadn’t counseled out of me.
That was it.
That was all.
I’d be fine.
I could take a day.
My mom would understand.
A day.
One day.
Yeah.
I’d do that.
Just one day.
Clint showed me where my second class was, and Alex was waiting for me to walk me to our third. Trent was in my fourth and with each class, more and more people were shooting me looks. The conversations and whispers would quiet when I got close.
I wasn’t expecting this much attention.
I knew the triplets were popular, but I didn’t think this school would be as big as it was. I found Gem in the cafeteria, and I mentioned this when she asked how my morning had gone.
“Yeah.” She moved forward in line, grabbing a salad and a water. “That’s because we’re the biggest town outside of the city. There’s a ton of smaller towns surrounding us, but they aren’t big enough to have their own schools so everyone congregates here. There’s a casino not far, and like I said, the cities are close. Plus, there’s Pine Valley across the river too.”
“With the distance, that’s allowed?”
“They aren’t that far away. School lines are broad here. Really broad.”
“Wow.”
At the register, Gem glanced at me. “You don’t have your ID yet, do you?”
I shook my head. “Sorry. I forgot. I was going to ask one of my cousins to spell me.”
“Not a problem.” She flicked her card over to the lady. “It’s not like this is the only time we’ll be eating together.” She gave me a wink, taking her card back and then we scanned the cafeteria.
It was bustling with people. Almost every table was full, and the door was opening and closing constantly. People were in the hallway. There was a door that opened to the outside, and people were going in and out of there too. There was a store that had a whole line of people waiting to get food from it.
“I could’ve paid for my own food there.”
“That’s all junk food. This line has some healthy choices. It’s all good.” She nodded towards a table in the far corner. “Look. That one’s mostly empty. I know the girls sitting there.”
But as we approached, those girls got up and headed out. Heads bent together, laughing and talking. They didn’t see us coming so I wasn’t taking it as a personal sign of my social status.
Gem grinned at me. “Even better.” She went on the far side, and I sat with my back to the room. She was looking beyond me. “The elite crowd don’t usually eat in here. They grab their food and head outside, or head to a local fast food place.” She started to eat her salad, but paused and straightened upright. “Oh. Whoa.”
I turned, feeling my phone buzzing at the same time.
Alex: Where r u?
Clint calling.
I answered, looking to see what Gem was seeing at the same time. “Hey.”
“Where are you?!” he barked into the phone.
There was a crowd starting in the middle of the cafeteria, and Gem was on her feet.
Everyone was on their feet.
People started running to see what was going on.
“In the cafe--” Dialtone.
He hung up, but catching movement from the corner of my eye, Clint had come inside. He nodded to me as both Alex and Trenton looked too. Seeing I was okay, they ran forward. Clint held up a hand to me, yelling, “Stay there!”
Gem was around the table. She heard him and said, grabbing my arm at the same time, “Fuck that.” She pulled me with her.
Clint threw his head back, groaning in frustration, but he angled through the crowd, coming to my side.
“You should go somewhere else.” He got in my face.
Gem frowned at him, but tugged me around and we hopped to a table to see better. In the middle of the crowd were two guys I recognized, which shocked me. I shouldn’t recognize anyone. I barely knew enough people to recognize someone, but I was. And I did.
And they weren’t my cousins, which also shocked me.
Caleb Rice, tattoo guy from the front office, was trading punches with another guy, but it was the guy standing immediately behind the one I didn’t know that I knew too. Mr. Raiden. I still didn’t know his first name. I hadn’t asked my cousins and no one else talked to me besides Gem. I hadn’t gotten the info from her.
That was planned for lunch-time talk.
“Fight! Fight! Fight!”
The crowd was chanting, egging them on, and both Caleb and the other guy looked even in the fight. One would punch, the other would counter. The one guy got a couple roundhouse kicks to Caleb’s face, and that pushed him back, but by then teachers and security were running in. They pushed in, but Caleb and the other guy wouldn’t stop hitting each other.
Clint growled and jumped off the table, pushing through the crowd.
By then, Alex and Trenton moved forward as well and instead of the teachers and the guards, my cousins waded in. Clint grabbed the guy I didn’t know, wrapping his arms around the guys’ arms and yanked him back. Trenton did the same with Caleb Rice, and Alex stood in the middle, his arms held out towards both. All three of them were yelling for the other to stand down.
I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t stop myself. My gaze trailed towards Mr. Raiden, who was staring at me and with an intensity that made me jump back from surprise.
Glowering hatred was coming at me, and as I readied myself, and stared back, a good ‘fuck you’ look from me, his jaw clenched and slowly, he swung his gaze back to his friend. Caleb and his friend were both yelling at each other, trying to swing around my cousins, but Mr. Raiden stepped up.
He said something. I couldn’t hear it, but it was short and simple, and as if he flicked a switch, both guys stopped fighting.
My cousins dropped their arms.
The guards grabbed the two fighters as the teachers started waving for the crowd to disperse.
“Yeah, fuck you, Scout--”
Scout? That was his first name? Or the other guy?
Raiden started for him, and Caleb melted backwards. Almost literally.
It was somewhat comical to watch.
My eyebrows shot high up. “If that dude had that power to stop the fight so quick, why didn’t he step in right away?”
“Oh.” Gem looked at me, biting her lip. “I can see the job to fill you in on all the school gossip has fallen to my shoulders. I suppose your cousins weren’t going to tell you the hierarchy here.”
I frowned at her.
“Come, my child. You have much to learn.”
Most everyone was sitting back down while a group lingered in the middle. A few guys, and a bunch of girls. They were talking with my cousins.
I followed Gem to our table.
“Okay.” Gem almost dropped down on her seat, giving me a shrewd look. “First off, I have a feeling your cousins are going to head over here any second, so I gotta start at the top. The top being Scout Raiden.”
Scout. That was his first name.
Why’d it have to be a hot name too?
Figures.
“And the reason he didn’t fight is because he can’t, like literally.”
I frowned. “What do you mean? The dude was in a fight last night, Clint said in class.”
“Like a sanctioned fight, like a fight in a league where people can bet and make money off him.”
“Like a pro?”
“He’s going pro. He’s eighteen this year so he’s too young for the UFC to give him a contract, but he’s on his way. He moved here a year ago when he was starting to really get noticed in his career. No one knows why, but he moved in with an uncle and it’s his uncle that’s been training him. I guess his uncle is some big guy in the UFC world. I don’t really know, to be honest, but he’s loaded. I do know that. He had a gym built on the river solely to train Scout there. Other guys train and pay to work out there, but everyone knows that Scout was the whole reason it was built. And don’t ask me why they moved here. The rumor is that his uncle or his mom wanted to keep him from fighting in the cities, like street fighting so they moved out here. But who knows if any of that is true. All I know, is that the guy can fight. Like, for real fight.”
“What if he has to fight?”
She shook her head. “It can’t happen, or I don’t think it can happen. I’m kinda fuzzy on the rules myself. Self-defense might be one thing, but even there, it’s going to be frowned upon. Don’t quote me on that, but he could also get kicked out of his league. So if you want to know someone famous, he’s it. Or he’s going to be famous, like uber famous. He’s getting a name in the fighting world right now, but according to everyone in town and everyone in the state, he’s probably going to get a contract when he turns nineteen. The UFC has only signed two other nineteen year olds. He’ll be the third.”
I glanced back, saw he was grinning at something Clint was saying.
“What’s he like?”
“Like?”
“His personality. He’s friends with my cousins.”
Gem shrugged, eating her salad again. “He’s okay, I guess. He doesn’t talk to anyone, except your cousins and Cohen. He’s best friends with Alex and Cohen so I’ll guess you’ll get to know what he’s like.”
“Cohen was the guy fighting Caleb?”
“Yeah. Cohen Rodriguez. He and Scout have been tight since the first day. I think they knew each other before he moved here, but he’s gotten close to your cousin too.”
I looked back, unable to stop myself.
As if hearing our conversation, he stopped grinning and turned. His eyes found mine, and his amusement fled. The same hatred from before simmered there, glaring back at me, because I realized I’d been glaring first.
I turned my back, frustrated. What was my problem?
No. Wait. I knew.
I wanted to fuck him, but I wasn’t going to because the last guy I slept with--a wave of emotion swept up in me, threatening to choke me. I wasn’t going there.
I couldn’t, unless I was okay going comatose for a full week.
But, damn. It was rising, building. Spreading.
It was too fast, too strong. I knew what was happening and I couldn’t stop it. I was already too far gone so I knew what I needed to do to handle it.
I shoved up, muttering, “I gotta go.”
So dramatic, but gah.
I thought I dealt with this shit. I thought I had pushed these emotions out of me, destroyed them, but they were still in me, and they were taking over. They always took over.
I’d be paralyzed if I didn’t do something.
My mom would deal, and knowing that, I bypassed the hall that went to my locker and sailed out of school. I was on my bike within a minute, and pushing out of the parking lot when the tears started falling. I couldn’t hold them back any longer.
Shit, shit, shit.
Talk about teenager tragedy.
First day and I was skipping by lunch, a sobfest choking my insides, but damn. Damn!
I couldn’t go there. Like, ever.
I didn’t know that guy, Scout.
I hadn’t even spoken a word with him.
He reminded me of--him. That’s why. That’s all.
This was old crap that I hadn’t counseled out of me.
That was it.
That was all.
I’d be fine.
I could take a day.
My mom would understand.
A day.
One day.
Yeah.
I’d do that.
Just one day.
I biked to the back of our house, and left it on the ground by the sidewalk. Heading inside, my mom was just leaving the kitchen with a coffee cup in hand. She backtracked, both hands cradling the cup. “You ditched?”
She was lingering on the tears on my face. I was sure they were dried streaks by now.
I nodded. “There’s a guy at school who reminded me of--I had a panic attack coming on so I was hoping you’d be okay if I ditched the first half day?”
Her eyes were concerned, raking over me but she nodded. “If you have more, we’ll have to find someone local for you to talk to.”
I hated that, but, “Okay.”
She grimaced. “I just got a call. They need someone for the evening shift.”
“That’s another double.”
She nodded, sipping her coffee. “Yeah, but if enough girls don’t show, hopefully it won’t take long before they switch me permanently to evenings.”
“You get paid more for nights.” I didn’t care, but I was repeating her reasons for taking the first shift back to her.
“I know.” She moved towards me, her hand smoothing some of my hair back and holding my cheek in her hand. Her thumb smoothed over my face before she let it drop. “It’s just hard not to see you. I knew it would be hard, but not this.” She drew me to her, giving me a one-arm hug and her forehead rested against mine. She whispered, “I love you, sweetie.”
My throat got all full.
I whispered back, “I love you too, Mom.”
Another beat, she squeezed me a little tighter to her. She moved her head back, giving me a kiss on my forehead. “So, so much. So much.”
I closed my eyes, and burrowed close to her.
I loved when she told me that. It was always a whisper when she kissed me on the forehead, before bedtime, and when she would check on me. She stopped for a while, but after the last year, we were back to this pattern. Warmth spread through me, and she gave me one more smack on the forehead before stepping back.
“I got an hour before I have to head in. Wanna snuggle and watch a movie with me before I go?”
I shot her a wry grin. “As if you need to ask.”
She laughed softly.
It went unspoken that we’d go to her bedroom. She set up a television up there, and both of us climbed under her big comforter. I snuggled in, and she moved in, her head going to my shoulder. One would think it’d be the other way, since I was the daughter, but this was another of our habits. I liked to sit up to watch a show or movie, and my mom liked to curl in. So I sat up, and she curled in, and we picked a movie she’d been enjoying before I came home. It was twenty minutes in when she asked, tipping her head back, “You haven’t said a word about school or your cousins. Besides the panic attack, was school okay? Your classes?”
I filled her in, leaving out the part about Scout Raiden giving me hot flashes and a panic attack in the same day.
“Ailes told me to expect the boys to hover over you. They’re worried. Happy you’re here, but worried.”
I nodded, having gotten a couple texts from all three of them during my biking home. I responded, letting them I was fine but the first day was a bit much. I also knew them so I had a few more hours before one of them showed up, checking on me in person.
“You like this Gem?”
I nodded, relaxing just at talking about her. “She’s a nut, but I like her. Told me we were going to be friends, declared it like it was a decree. Then she bragged how she liked me before finding out I was related to the triplets.”
My mom chuckled. “She sounds like a good one.” Then she stiffened, and I readied myself. She sat up, her face getting serious. “Have you heard from any of your other friends?”
“No,” I whispered. That burned. “Not one of them.”
A long sigh from her. “I’m sorry, baby.”
I jerked up a shrug.
People thought I was tough when they first met me, and to a degree, I was tough. But. That’s a big but there, a person can only go solo for so long. So I knew that Gem was a friend I was going to hold tight to, and I was doubly loving having my cousins now.
“I love you, Mom.”
It needed to be said again.
She drew in a breath, and whispered right back too, “I love you too, honey.”
She settled back in, her head to my shoulder. She patted my hand and we went back to finishing her movie before she had to go.
I might’ve let a few tears loose. I didn’t know, but I didn’t fight them. If you couldn’t cry when you were cuddling with your mom, then I didn’t want to know when you could cry.
She was lingering on the tears on my face. I was sure they were dried streaks by now.
I nodded. “There’s a guy at school who reminded me of--I had a panic attack coming on so I was hoping you’d be okay if I ditched the first half day?”
Her eyes were concerned, raking over me but she nodded. “If you have more, we’ll have to find someone local for you to talk to.”
I hated that, but, “Okay.”
She grimaced. “I just got a call. They need someone for the evening shift.”
“That’s another double.”
She nodded, sipping her coffee. “Yeah, but if enough girls don’t show, hopefully it won’t take long before they switch me permanently to evenings.”
“You get paid more for nights.” I didn’t care, but I was repeating her reasons for taking the first shift back to her.
“I know.” She moved towards me, her hand smoothing some of my hair back and holding my cheek in her hand. Her thumb smoothed over my face before she let it drop. “It’s just hard not to see you. I knew it would be hard, but not this.” She drew me to her, giving me a one-arm hug and her forehead rested against mine. She whispered, “I love you, sweetie.”
My throat got all full.
I whispered back, “I love you too, Mom.”
Another beat, she squeezed me a little tighter to her. She moved her head back, giving me a kiss on my forehead. “So, so much. So much.”
I closed my eyes, and burrowed close to her.
I loved when she told me that. It was always a whisper when she kissed me on the forehead, before bedtime, and when she would check on me. She stopped for a while, but after the last year, we were back to this pattern. Warmth spread through me, and she gave me one more smack on the forehead before stepping back.
“I got an hour before I have to head in. Wanna snuggle and watch a movie with me before I go?”
I shot her a wry grin. “As if you need to ask.”
She laughed softly.
It went unspoken that we’d go to her bedroom. She set up a television up there, and both of us climbed under her big comforter. I snuggled in, and she moved in, her head going to my shoulder. One would think it’d be the other way, since I was the daughter, but this was another of our habits. I liked to sit up to watch a show or movie, and my mom liked to curl in. So I sat up, and she curled in, and we picked a movie she’d been enjoying before I came home. It was twenty minutes in when she asked, tipping her head back, “You haven’t said a word about school or your cousins. Besides the panic attack, was school okay? Your classes?”
I filled her in, leaving out the part about Scout Raiden giving me hot flashes and a panic attack in the same day.
“Ailes told me to expect the boys to hover over you. They’re worried. Happy you’re here, but worried.”
I nodded, having gotten a couple texts from all three of them during my biking home. I responded, letting them I was fine but the first day was a bit much. I also knew them so I had a few more hours before one of them showed up, checking on me in person.
“You like this Gem?”
I nodded, relaxing just at talking about her. “She’s a nut, but I like her. Told me we were going to be friends, declared it like it was a decree. Then she bragged how she liked me before finding out I was related to the triplets.”
My mom chuckled. “She sounds like a good one.” Then she stiffened, and I readied myself. She sat up, her face getting serious. “Have you heard from any of your other friends?”
“No,” I whispered. That burned. “Not one of them.”
A long sigh from her. “I’m sorry, baby.”
I jerked up a shrug.
People thought I was tough when they first met me, and to a degree, I was tough. But. That’s a big but there, a person can only go solo for so long. So I knew that Gem was a friend I was going to hold tight to, and I was doubly loving having my cousins now.
“I love you, Mom.”
It needed to be said again.
She drew in a breath, and whispered right back too, “I love you too, honey.”
She settled back in, her head to my shoulder. She patted my hand and we went back to finishing her movie before she had to go.
I might’ve let a few tears loose. I didn’t know, but I didn’t fight them. If you couldn’t cry when you were cuddling with your mom, then I didn’t want to know when you could cry.
The house was big and creepy when it was dark and my mom wasn’t here. It was the closest to my cousins that we could rent. Plus, we had a backyard. If we got a dog, bonus for the furry baby. I liked the house because of the space. Lots of space in the kitchen and living room. There was a back patio, and the backyard had a sidewalk that connected to a back alley. Not far was the public beach for the river. I’d heard from my cousins that the river was the place to have a home on.
The only con was that the house was old, but I figured maybe there would be ghosts and I’d try and befriend them in my head. Maybe not so creepy then?
Creak!
Nope.
Still so creepy!
Also, we needed better curtains. They were ragged and thin, with holes in them and the ends frayed. Since the house was set back from the road a little, I wasn’t too worried about someone being able to see inside. Still, though. Ten at night and I was up in my room, my door shut because the creaks wouldn’t stop.
I was starting to think my whole ghost theory wasn’t just a theory.
Knock! Knock!
I screamed.
Full body, hair raising, blood curdling scream.
Gasping, feeling every drop of my blood now pooling at my feet, I saw a hand at the window, then a wave.
Fuck.
Fuck this guy.
I knew that hand.
Cursing, I lunged for the curtain, whisked it back and glared at Clint.
“Are you serious?”
He only grinned, and nodded to the window. His voice came through muffled. “Let me in.”
“How are you--” I cut myself off, unlocking the window and then trying to push it up.
Oofta. The frame was made of solid wood and I didn’t think anyone had tried sneaking out from this window since it’d been made. I got it up an inch and that was it.
Clint was watching me, an eyebrow raised and a sneer on his face. “You serious? You used to be tough. When’d you get weaksauce?”
Well--I sent him another withering glare, reached forward, and slammed it right back down. Then, a flat look on my face, “Thanks for stopping by.”
His mouth fell open. “Are you serious? Come on!”
Not for nothing, but I threw the curtains closed again. He could still see me because they were still hella thin.
He snorted, and I could hear that loud and clear. “You weren’t answering downstairs and you begged off all day. I came over because I was worried.”
Oh.
Man.
Now I felt stupid.
I rolled my eyes because… I didn’t know why. I just did.
Standing, I motioned for the door. “Can you get back down? You won’t fall and break both your legs?”
Now he was the one glaring at me. “Such a weaksauce.”
I taunted him, grinning, “I’m not the one who broke his nose because he turned and ran smack dab into the telephone post, right behind him.”
He growled, but we both knew the plan.
He’d already turned and I knew he’d get down just fine.
I went to meet him, hitting on ALL the lights, because it was still creepy and then I went to unlock the back door. Clint came in, brushing off some paint chips that had fallen on his shirt. He stopped just inside, looking all around. “I’ve never been in this house. An old guy used to live here.” He grinned at me over his shoulder. “I heard he bit it in here too. You had any ghostly encounters?”
“Shut up.” I shoved him ahead. “That’s not even funny.”
“Even? Don’t know why you added that word. I wasn’t trying to be funny. I was going for scary. Know how scared you are of the supernatural stuff.”
I growled low in my throat, but I knew my cousin. He’d stop saying stupid crap once I pulled food out.
Going to the fridge, I grabbed a pizza and then turned on the oven.
“You’re making pizza?”
See. He was excited.
I stifled a laugh, and pulled out a pan.
Clint started looking through the cupboards, and pulled out two glasses. “You got soda in this bitch? Or we drinking wine?”
I was cutting off the packaging, but paused and gave him the side-eye.
He was waiting, a small grin on his face, and I just sighed.
He knew the answer. “Right on!” He continued his search through the cupboards until he found where the wine was located. Grabbing the sweet stuff and the one with the twist-off cap, he laughed, bringing it out. “You and Aunt Chris have the coolest and weirdest relationship ever. She doesn’t drink this shit. You do, and she buys it for you. My mom would flip a lid if we ever asked her to do something like that.”
I glared before putting the pizza on the pan and then into the oven. “You’re a douche.”
“What?”
“She buys that for friends and guests, you know, like your mom who likes wine. And she’s okay with me sipping it at times because, I mean,” I got quiet, shrugging. “You know. This last year has kinda sucked.”
Clint got quiet, and I moved around the kitchen.
We’d need plates.
Paper towels.
A pizza cutter.
A oven mitt to pull the pan out.
What else?
I could feel Clint watching me. This time, I felt the heaviness. But it wasn’t just him I was feeling. I was feeling his concern, yeah, but it was more. The last year. I’d brought up the last year. It was something not talked about. My mom and I referenced it, but there’d been no in-depth talking about it.
I couldn’t--I couldn’t even think about it now.
But I couldn’t stop because I had started.
Now, that’s all I was thinking about.
And the pressure was building.
The heaviness.
My knees felt like they were crumpling.
I was crumbling.
My dad…
Oh, god.
My dad.
“Hey.” Clint was behind me.
I didn’t--what was I doing?
Getting ready for the pizza.
I had to do that.
This feeling--I couldn’t deal.
My dad.
I couldn’t deal.
“Hey.” Again, but more intent. Then I felt Clint behind me.
I couldn’t--deal.
I was crumbling.
My dad…
“Stop.”
No--my dad…
“Stop!” Clint’s arms circled around me, and he pulled me back from something. He was holding me tight, bent over me. His forehead resting on my shoulder.
“No--”
His arms tightened. “Shhh. Just, stop, Rams. Stop.”
My knees were crumbling.
I was going down.
Clint folded me down, gently. He lowered me to the floor and he sat with me.
I scooted away from him, burrowing into one of the cupboards and I was trying to hug it. If I could’ve opened it, crawled in, and hid forever, I would’ve.
If I could’ve gone to sleep and never wake up--volunteer, me. Here. Right now.
“Rams.” Clint’s voice was strained. “You’re fucking bawling.”
I was?
I touched my cheek. Feeling the moisture there, I was.
Fuck.
The room was swirling around me.
I could barely focus on Clint, but he was sitting across from me, his knees up, his arms hanging over them, and his face lowered, but staring at me. He was pale. Worried.
Fuck.
I did that to him.
“I’m sorry,” I rasped out.
He flinched, and I saw one of his eyes blind rapidly. “That’s what happens to you?” Forget strained, his voice dipped to being hoarse.
My neck was stiff, but I managed a jerky nod. “Yeah,” I rasped back.
He swore under his breath. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and his hands balled into fists, real quick and then he smoothed them out, but it was in a rough motion. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
I closed my eyes.
I’m sorry.
Those were the words that I’d never be able to say. That phrase haunted me.
I swallowed over a knot. “It’s kinda alot, you know?”
“I figured. I mean, we all wondered. Knew how much you loved Cedra and then you moved here. Had to be bad.”
“Yeah,” I whispered.
The panic attack was lifting, just slightly. This was the time when I felt drunk. All my senses were jumbled together. I’d slur my speech. Clint had seen me in a panic attack before, but that was when I was little. I’d gotten better, knew how to recognize them, knew how to prevent them, and then yeah… last year happened. They were back with a vengeance.
“You wanna talk about it?” He clasped his hands together, still hanging over his knees. His shoulders jumped up. “You can think of me like a captive therapist. If you wanted, you know, to talk about what happened. And all. You know.” His Adam’s apple moved up and down again before he glanced away. He was blinking a bunch again.
“Captive?”
“Yeah.” He looked back, smirked. This time, he relaxed back, his head resting against the counter behind him, and he stretched out one of his legs. His hands lowered to his lap, but they were still clasped together. “You’re making pizza. No high school guy is leaving when he’s getting pizza.” A slow grin as he was watching me, waiting and when he saw my lip quiver in a laugh, the rest of the tension left him. His hands fell apart. His other leg stretched out, touching mine, and he knocked his foot against my leg. “I’m still hoping we’ll light into that wine. Mom said I could stay the night if I felt like it was needed. Wine and pizza? I’m thinking a cousin sleepover is needed.”
I couldn’t stop myself. A full smile was on my face. “Wine and pizza? And you’ll let me unburden all my trauma on you?”
He rolled another shoulder. “Well, I figure the more wine in me, the better my therapist skills will be. So there’s that.”
I barked out a laugh.
When one started, another was right behind it.
And a third.
I couldn’t stop laughing, and after I bit, I stopped trying.
I hadn’t laughed in so long.
Clint was laughing with me, but he added between laughs, “Not sure what’s so funny about me drinking wine, but I’m rolling with you. See how good my skills are. I’m meeting my client where they’re at.”
That made me laugh harder. “You’re such a dumbass,” I breathed out, my sides hurting. A good hurting, though. I sighed, the last of my panic fully easing out. “And I love your dumbass.”
He chuckled. “Look at that. Therapist be damned. Next panic attack, we’re booting up some Leslie Jones.”
That sent me laughing all over again, and soon Clint had his phone out and we were listening to a comedian playlist.
After the first set, the pizza was done.
Clint didn’t pause the show, but just raised his phone up. He remained on the floor.
I brought the pizza to the floor. The wine came down too, along with two giant cups. We skipped the glass, went right for the jumbo plastic ones. It was that kind of night.
He went to a second set, and I scooted next to him. The pizza was in front of us. We were both eating, drinking, and by the third set, I was laying down on the floor at one direction. He was laying down, facing the other way. He put the phone between us.
By the fifth set, I opened my eyelids.
The pizza was gone.
The wine cups were too.
I had a pillow under my head, a blanket over me. Clint had the same.
It might’ve been set number six or seven, I was guessing.
I yawned, and mumbled, “I can sleep in my bed.”
“Okay.”
He got up first. He took the blankets, the pillows. I looked back, saw the counter was completely wiped clean.
The backdoor was locked. He’d put out all the lights except the one above the oven and the one in the stairway.
Like we were those same little cousins, I saw that he’d gotten that ready too. He’d found the old air mattress he used to use and it was filled with air. Everything was all ready.
I’d forgotten what this felt like.
I used the bathroom, washed my teeth, and crawled in bed.
He came in from using a different bathroom, and he had turned off the stairway light, but another light from farther down the hallway was on. I was guessing the guest bathroom. He kept the door propped open before getting onto the air mattress.
I was almost asleep when I heard, “Nothing’s going to hurt you. Not here. You gotta know that.”
That. That’s the feeling I’d forgotten what it felt like.
I whispered, “I know.”
I just wasn’t sure if I did, though.
The only con was that the house was old, but I figured maybe there would be ghosts and I’d try and befriend them in my head. Maybe not so creepy then?
Creak!
Nope.
Still so creepy!
Also, we needed better curtains. They were ragged and thin, with holes in them and the ends frayed. Since the house was set back from the road a little, I wasn’t too worried about someone being able to see inside. Still, though. Ten at night and I was up in my room, my door shut because the creaks wouldn’t stop.
I was starting to think my whole ghost theory wasn’t just a theory.
Knock! Knock!
I screamed.
Full body, hair raising, blood curdling scream.
Gasping, feeling every drop of my blood now pooling at my feet, I saw a hand at the window, then a wave.
Fuck.
Fuck this guy.
I knew that hand.
Cursing, I lunged for the curtain, whisked it back and glared at Clint.
“Are you serious?”
He only grinned, and nodded to the window. His voice came through muffled. “Let me in.”
“How are you--” I cut myself off, unlocking the window and then trying to push it up.
Oofta. The frame was made of solid wood and I didn’t think anyone had tried sneaking out from this window since it’d been made. I got it up an inch and that was it.
Clint was watching me, an eyebrow raised and a sneer on his face. “You serious? You used to be tough. When’d you get weaksauce?”
Well--I sent him another withering glare, reached forward, and slammed it right back down. Then, a flat look on my face, “Thanks for stopping by.”
His mouth fell open. “Are you serious? Come on!”
Not for nothing, but I threw the curtains closed again. He could still see me because they were still hella thin.
He snorted, and I could hear that loud and clear. “You weren’t answering downstairs and you begged off all day. I came over because I was worried.”
Oh.
Man.
Now I felt stupid.
I rolled my eyes because… I didn’t know why. I just did.
Standing, I motioned for the door. “Can you get back down? You won’t fall and break both your legs?”
Now he was the one glaring at me. “Such a weaksauce.”
I taunted him, grinning, “I’m not the one who broke his nose because he turned and ran smack dab into the telephone post, right behind him.”
He growled, but we both knew the plan.
He’d already turned and I knew he’d get down just fine.
I went to meet him, hitting on ALL the lights, because it was still creepy and then I went to unlock the back door. Clint came in, brushing off some paint chips that had fallen on his shirt. He stopped just inside, looking all around. “I’ve never been in this house. An old guy used to live here.” He grinned at me over his shoulder. “I heard he bit it in here too. You had any ghostly encounters?”
“Shut up.” I shoved him ahead. “That’s not even funny.”
“Even? Don’t know why you added that word. I wasn’t trying to be funny. I was going for scary. Know how scared you are of the supernatural stuff.”
I growled low in my throat, but I knew my cousin. He’d stop saying stupid crap once I pulled food out.
Going to the fridge, I grabbed a pizza and then turned on the oven.
“You’re making pizza?”
See. He was excited.
I stifled a laugh, and pulled out a pan.
Clint started looking through the cupboards, and pulled out two glasses. “You got soda in this bitch? Or we drinking wine?”
I was cutting off the packaging, but paused and gave him the side-eye.
He was waiting, a small grin on his face, and I just sighed.
He knew the answer. “Right on!” He continued his search through the cupboards until he found where the wine was located. Grabbing the sweet stuff and the one with the twist-off cap, he laughed, bringing it out. “You and Aunt Chris have the coolest and weirdest relationship ever. She doesn’t drink this shit. You do, and she buys it for you. My mom would flip a lid if we ever asked her to do something like that.”
I glared before putting the pizza on the pan and then into the oven. “You’re a douche.”
“What?”
“She buys that for friends and guests, you know, like your mom who likes wine. And she’s okay with me sipping it at times because, I mean,” I got quiet, shrugging. “You know. This last year has kinda sucked.”
Clint got quiet, and I moved around the kitchen.
We’d need plates.
Paper towels.
A pizza cutter.
A oven mitt to pull the pan out.
What else?
I could feel Clint watching me. This time, I felt the heaviness. But it wasn’t just him I was feeling. I was feeling his concern, yeah, but it was more. The last year. I’d brought up the last year. It was something not talked about. My mom and I referenced it, but there’d been no in-depth talking about it.
I couldn’t--I couldn’t even think about it now.
But I couldn’t stop because I had started.
Now, that’s all I was thinking about.
And the pressure was building.
The heaviness.
My knees felt like they were crumpling.
I was crumbling.
My dad…
Oh, god.
My dad.
“Hey.” Clint was behind me.
I didn’t--what was I doing?
Getting ready for the pizza.
I had to do that.
This feeling--I couldn’t deal.
My dad.
I couldn’t deal.
“Hey.” Again, but more intent. Then I felt Clint behind me.
I couldn’t--deal.
I was crumbling.
My dad…
“Stop.”
No--my dad…
“Stop!” Clint’s arms circled around me, and he pulled me back from something. He was holding me tight, bent over me. His forehead resting on my shoulder.
“No--”
His arms tightened. “Shhh. Just, stop, Rams. Stop.”
My knees were crumbling.
I was going down.
Clint folded me down, gently. He lowered me to the floor and he sat with me.
I scooted away from him, burrowing into one of the cupboards and I was trying to hug it. If I could’ve opened it, crawled in, and hid forever, I would’ve.
If I could’ve gone to sleep and never wake up--volunteer, me. Here. Right now.
“Rams.” Clint’s voice was strained. “You’re fucking bawling.”
I was?
I touched my cheek. Feeling the moisture there, I was.
Fuck.
The room was swirling around me.
I could barely focus on Clint, but he was sitting across from me, his knees up, his arms hanging over them, and his face lowered, but staring at me. He was pale. Worried.
Fuck.
I did that to him.
“I’m sorry,” I rasped out.
He flinched, and I saw one of his eyes blind rapidly. “That’s what happens to you?” Forget strained, his voice dipped to being hoarse.
My neck was stiff, but I managed a jerky nod. “Yeah,” I rasped back.
He swore under his breath. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and his hands balled into fists, real quick and then he smoothed them out, but it was in a rough motion. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
I closed my eyes.
I’m sorry.
Those were the words that I’d never be able to say. That phrase haunted me.
I swallowed over a knot. “It’s kinda alot, you know?”
“I figured. I mean, we all wondered. Knew how much you loved Cedra and then you moved here. Had to be bad.”
“Yeah,” I whispered.
The panic attack was lifting, just slightly. This was the time when I felt drunk. All my senses were jumbled together. I’d slur my speech. Clint had seen me in a panic attack before, but that was when I was little. I’d gotten better, knew how to recognize them, knew how to prevent them, and then yeah… last year happened. They were back with a vengeance.
“You wanna talk about it?” He clasped his hands together, still hanging over his knees. His shoulders jumped up. “You can think of me like a captive therapist. If you wanted, you know, to talk about what happened. And all. You know.” His Adam’s apple moved up and down again before he glanced away. He was blinking a bunch again.
“Captive?”
“Yeah.” He looked back, smirked. This time, he relaxed back, his head resting against the counter behind him, and he stretched out one of his legs. His hands lowered to his lap, but they were still clasped together. “You’re making pizza. No high school guy is leaving when he’s getting pizza.” A slow grin as he was watching me, waiting and when he saw my lip quiver in a laugh, the rest of the tension left him. His hands fell apart. His other leg stretched out, touching mine, and he knocked his foot against my leg. “I’m still hoping we’ll light into that wine. Mom said I could stay the night if I felt like it was needed. Wine and pizza? I’m thinking a cousin sleepover is needed.”
I couldn’t stop myself. A full smile was on my face. “Wine and pizza? And you’ll let me unburden all my trauma on you?”
He rolled another shoulder. “Well, I figure the more wine in me, the better my therapist skills will be. So there’s that.”
I barked out a laugh.
When one started, another was right behind it.
And a third.
I couldn’t stop laughing, and after I bit, I stopped trying.
I hadn’t laughed in so long.
Clint was laughing with me, but he added between laughs, “Not sure what’s so funny about me drinking wine, but I’m rolling with you. See how good my skills are. I’m meeting my client where they’re at.”
That made me laugh harder. “You’re such a dumbass,” I breathed out, my sides hurting. A good hurting, though. I sighed, the last of my panic fully easing out. “And I love your dumbass.”
He chuckled. “Look at that. Therapist be damned. Next panic attack, we’re booting up some Leslie Jones.”
That sent me laughing all over again, and soon Clint had his phone out and we were listening to a comedian playlist.
After the first set, the pizza was done.
Clint didn’t pause the show, but just raised his phone up. He remained on the floor.
I brought the pizza to the floor. The wine came down too, along with two giant cups. We skipped the glass, went right for the jumbo plastic ones. It was that kind of night.
He went to a second set, and I scooted next to him. The pizza was in front of us. We were both eating, drinking, and by the third set, I was laying down on the floor at one direction. He was laying down, facing the other way. He put the phone between us.
By the fifth set, I opened my eyelids.
The pizza was gone.
The wine cups were too.
I had a pillow under my head, a blanket over me. Clint had the same.
It might’ve been set number six or seven, I was guessing.
I yawned, and mumbled, “I can sleep in my bed.”
“Okay.”
He got up first. He took the blankets, the pillows. I looked back, saw the counter was completely wiped clean.
The backdoor was locked. He’d put out all the lights except the one above the oven and the one in the stairway.
Like we were those same little cousins, I saw that he’d gotten that ready too. He’d found the old air mattress he used to use and it was filled with air. Everything was all ready.
I’d forgotten what this felt like.
I used the bathroom, washed my teeth, and crawled in bed.
He came in from using a different bathroom, and he had turned off the stairway light, but another light from farther down the hallway was on. I was guessing the guest bathroom. He kept the door propped open before getting onto the air mattress.
I was almost asleep when I heard, “Nothing’s going to hurt you. Not here. You gotta know that.”
That. That’s the feeling I’d forgotten what it felt like.
I whispered, “I know.”
I just wasn’t sure if I did, though.
“You ditched yesterday, and then your cousins went bananas.”
Gem informed me of this as soon as I arrived to school the next morning. I hadn’t even gotten off my bike, but I now did and I pulled the bike to the rack, pulling my lock out. Wrapping it around, I looped it and clicked it shut, then regarded my new friend.
She was giving me a beady-eye look, her hands holding onto her backpack’s straps and her one foot resting against the other. It was an awkward looking stance, but somehow she was pulling it off. I felt lectured, judged, and somewhat mom-shamed, but also there was a layer of concern.
I blinked a few times. “You actually like me.” It wasn’t a new experience for me. I’d been blessed in Cedra until I wasn’t so blessed, but for the first time, someone who’d only met me for one day actually liked me. That was new to me. Family didn’t count in this category.
Now she was the one to blink a few times. “Well, yeah. You’re cool. A Gem can always tell.”
My eyebrows went up at that. Third person here?
Okay, then. Interesting.
“Incoming!” a short baritone yell came from behind me, and a second later I was being lifted up on my feet, and twirled around. I grabbed down, guessing it was one of my cousins, but when I got a glimpse of Clinton, and Alex was further down with Cohen and Scout, so I was guessing it was Trenton holding me up.
“Put me down!”
He did, tripping back but hitting into someone. Without a beat, he said, “You rolled yesterday. What the fuck? We were going to hit up Louie’s.” Alex, Cohen, and Scout joined the group. Trenton felt his brother’s presence and threw his arms around Alex’s shoulders, leaning into him. He motioned to the other two with his thumb. “You haven’t officially met the rest of our group. This is Cohen and Scout.”
I was not making eye contact with Scout, felt singed enough from yesterday’s glaring sessions and seriously I had enough on my plate. Cohen was cool, giving me a guy up-nod and a half smirk that’s also a smile, but generally used to convey ‘I think you’re cool and I’m cool so what’s up?’
“Hi.” Both got the same polite wave, and for appearance sake, I looked at Scout’s chin. His chin. The only one knowing I wasn’t totally making eye contact would be him and let’s see him try to call that out? Ha. Cohen gave me another cool-guy-chin-up. Scout did nothing. No greeting. His chin did not move.
Fine. I mean, I wasn’t making eye contact for a reason.
“Clint said you guys had pizza and a wine-out last night.”
I tensed, not registering Alex’s not-happy tone.
Alex was always happy, always kind.
Then he grinned. “Why the fuck weren’t we invited?”
“Yeah. What the fuck?” Trenton joined in.
Another arm came over my shoulder. Clint’s. I sagged into his side, already knowing what he would say.
“Back off, assholes. It’s her second day at school. Jesus.”
His tone was teasing, but there was another hint there. It was deeper, more entrenched and only someone who really knew Clint would be able to hear it. His brothers did and both straightened. They got the message.
Alex redirected immediately, “Scout, you got a fight Thursday night?”
Topic was effectively changed.
I relaxed, but I also didn’t because now we were talking about Scout and his upcoming fight.
Different sensations were happening in my body, further south, and it was uncomfortable. I squirmed out from under Clint’s arm, but tapped his side with his fist at his look to let him know I was fine. Moving around the group, I gave a small wave if they were looking and headed inside.
Gem was right next to me, but instead of the questions I thought would come, she kept quiet. She stuck to my side until we got to my locker. “I’m going to toss my bag in my locker. One second.”
I gave her a nod, noting that I’d need to find her locker and show up there so she didn’t have to keep only coming to mine. That wasn’t friendship fair. But as I was putting my bag in and pulling out my phone, and what I needed for my first class, I felt another presence at my side.
It was Alex. “You okay? For real? We wigged yesterday when you took off.”
I sighed softly and stepped back, closing my locker. “Clint didn’t say anything?”
He shook his head, his hands holding his backpack’s straps.
I motioned to go forward and we started for his locker.
He said as we went, “He got home around five this morning. I only knew the time because I’d gotten up for the bathroom, but this morning, we were all in a rush. Trent was interrogating him and he said the pizza and wine to shut him up. You know T. He’s worried.” We got to his locker, or I was assuming because he stopped in font of a locker and he was staring right at it, his head down. He wasn’t opening it. He also wasn’t looking at me. He added, on a deep breath out, “Just… That shit’s not going to happen here. You gotta know that.” He looked now, his eyes were fierce. “No fucking way in hell. Okay?”
My throat swelled up, and I had to push down a huge lump. I nodded. “I know. I, just… I’ve got some lingering after-effects, if that makes sense? I’ll work it out.”
“We’re here for that too.”
The lump was back in place, and getting larger. It was a good lump, an emotional lump, but I needed to handle this. And fast. I moved close, dropping my voice. “Listen. What happened last year was a freak tragedy. I know it won’t happen here, but I am not going to start burdening the shit in my head onto you guys. You’re in high school. We’re all in high school. You’re going to have your own shit to deal with, and no offense, but you guys aren’t therapists. I appreciate you guys being there, Clint last night and you this morning. And trust me, knowing you guys are here and you give a fuck is helping. But that’s all you need to do. The heavy stuff, that’s on me to handle and I will. But I’m not going to fuck you up by releasing my damage on you guys. I’d hate myself further for doing that.”
“You hate yourself?” that was hissed out. “After what that piece of shit did? You hate you? Hate that guy!”
Oh, crap. I forgot the few times when Alex got upset, he gave no fucks about who heard. His voice was rising.
I stepped closer, starting to deflate the situation when a fist hit the locker right next to Alex.
Clint said in passing, “Dude.” That was it. He was walking, turned, hit his fist into the locker, said his piece as he continued in his turn, and then he completed the small circle and kept on walking. Trenton and Cohen were with him. Both giving us a look as they passed by.
Alex seemed to remember where we were and cursed under his breath. He straightened up, shooting me a look. “Sorry.” His eyes trailed behind me and he stepped back even further, giving the same Cohen cool-guy-chin-lift to someone. “Hey, man.”
I looked, and wished I hadn’t.
Scout Raiden was standing a few feet back.
I hadn’t meant to, but I glanced up and caught his gaze, but unlike yesterday, the frostiness wasn’t there. His eyes were dark. There was emotions there, but they were stuffed down and I got a feeling that I wasn’t supposed to know they were even there. My whole body snapped to attention, but I jerked my gaze away, flustered.
I felt like I needed to smooth my hair down and what the hell was that about?
I cursed to myself, saying quickly, “I gotta find Gem. I’m a friend failure already. Don’t know where her locker is.”
I started forward. A hand caught my elbow and I was turned the other way. Alex added, gently pushing me forward, “Locker 678, but she dipped into class. I saw her.”
“Oh.” And crap because I hadn’t paid enough attention to my first class until I heard a low whistle.
Clint was standing outside a room and seeing that I’d heard him, I got the chin-lift from him too. Cohen was gone, but his friends from yesterday were standing by him. One was holding the door open for everyone and a lot of the girls were blushing, giggling as they went past.
I moved towards him and Clint lowered his head. “What was that about?”
“Nope.” I sailed right past, going to our table and taking my stool.
Clint took longer to sit next to me. His friends took their seats. One sat on the other side of Clint. The table in front of us was a two-seater and his other friend took the far left stool. The stool next to him was empty and remained empty as everyone else filed in and took their seats.
Then the teacher came in and announced, “We’ve had a few student changes.”
That was all he said because I guess it wasn’t our business? I’d agree with that, but this affected me because instead of one of those normal students, I was guessing, I heard from behind me, “Mike, take Hector’s spot.”
Mike, the friend who was on the other side of Clint, grabbed his stuff and moved to the stool that was in front of me. And on the other side of my cousin, Scout Raiden sat down.
The other adjustment?
Caleb Rice took the seat where Scout had taken yesterday.
He sat, and wheeled all the way around so he was facing us directly.
He looked at me, a full even stare, before his gaze moved to Scout’s, and then I heard, “I’m going to have to fuck that guy up.”
Clint grunted. “We’ll help set that up.”
It was my turn to do a double take, because what?
What was I missing here?
Gem informed me of this as soon as I arrived to school the next morning. I hadn’t even gotten off my bike, but I now did and I pulled the bike to the rack, pulling my lock out. Wrapping it around, I looped it and clicked it shut, then regarded my new friend.
She was giving me a beady-eye look, her hands holding onto her backpack’s straps and her one foot resting against the other. It was an awkward looking stance, but somehow she was pulling it off. I felt lectured, judged, and somewhat mom-shamed, but also there was a layer of concern.
I blinked a few times. “You actually like me.” It wasn’t a new experience for me. I’d been blessed in Cedra until I wasn’t so blessed, but for the first time, someone who’d only met me for one day actually liked me. That was new to me. Family didn’t count in this category.
Now she was the one to blink a few times. “Well, yeah. You’re cool. A Gem can always tell.”
My eyebrows went up at that. Third person here?
Okay, then. Interesting.
“Incoming!” a short baritone yell came from behind me, and a second later I was being lifted up on my feet, and twirled around. I grabbed down, guessing it was one of my cousins, but when I got a glimpse of Clinton, and Alex was further down with Cohen and Scout, so I was guessing it was Trenton holding me up.
“Put me down!”
He did, tripping back but hitting into someone. Without a beat, he said, “You rolled yesterday. What the fuck? We were going to hit up Louie’s.” Alex, Cohen, and Scout joined the group. Trenton felt his brother’s presence and threw his arms around Alex’s shoulders, leaning into him. He motioned to the other two with his thumb. “You haven’t officially met the rest of our group. This is Cohen and Scout.”
I was not making eye contact with Scout, felt singed enough from yesterday’s glaring sessions and seriously I had enough on my plate. Cohen was cool, giving me a guy up-nod and a half smirk that’s also a smile, but generally used to convey ‘I think you’re cool and I’m cool so what’s up?’
“Hi.” Both got the same polite wave, and for appearance sake, I looked at Scout’s chin. His chin. The only one knowing I wasn’t totally making eye contact would be him and let’s see him try to call that out? Ha. Cohen gave me another cool-guy-chin-up. Scout did nothing. No greeting. His chin did not move.
Fine. I mean, I wasn’t making eye contact for a reason.
“Clint said you guys had pizza and a wine-out last night.”
I tensed, not registering Alex’s not-happy tone.
Alex was always happy, always kind.
Then he grinned. “Why the fuck weren’t we invited?”
“Yeah. What the fuck?” Trenton joined in.
Another arm came over my shoulder. Clint’s. I sagged into his side, already knowing what he would say.
“Back off, assholes. It’s her second day at school. Jesus.”
His tone was teasing, but there was another hint there. It was deeper, more entrenched and only someone who really knew Clint would be able to hear it. His brothers did and both straightened. They got the message.
Alex redirected immediately, “Scout, you got a fight Thursday night?”
Topic was effectively changed.
I relaxed, but I also didn’t because now we were talking about Scout and his upcoming fight.
Different sensations were happening in my body, further south, and it was uncomfortable. I squirmed out from under Clint’s arm, but tapped his side with his fist at his look to let him know I was fine. Moving around the group, I gave a small wave if they were looking and headed inside.
Gem was right next to me, but instead of the questions I thought would come, she kept quiet. She stuck to my side until we got to my locker. “I’m going to toss my bag in my locker. One second.”
I gave her a nod, noting that I’d need to find her locker and show up there so she didn’t have to keep only coming to mine. That wasn’t friendship fair. But as I was putting my bag in and pulling out my phone, and what I needed for my first class, I felt another presence at my side.
It was Alex. “You okay? For real? We wigged yesterday when you took off.”
I sighed softly and stepped back, closing my locker. “Clint didn’t say anything?”
He shook his head, his hands holding his backpack’s straps.
I motioned to go forward and we started for his locker.
He said as we went, “He got home around five this morning. I only knew the time because I’d gotten up for the bathroom, but this morning, we were all in a rush. Trent was interrogating him and he said the pizza and wine to shut him up. You know T. He’s worried.” We got to his locker, or I was assuming because he stopped in font of a locker and he was staring right at it, his head down. He wasn’t opening it. He also wasn’t looking at me. He added, on a deep breath out, “Just… That shit’s not going to happen here. You gotta know that.” He looked now, his eyes were fierce. “No fucking way in hell. Okay?”
My throat swelled up, and I had to push down a huge lump. I nodded. “I know. I, just… I’ve got some lingering after-effects, if that makes sense? I’ll work it out.”
“We’re here for that too.”
The lump was back in place, and getting larger. It was a good lump, an emotional lump, but I needed to handle this. And fast. I moved close, dropping my voice. “Listen. What happened last year was a freak tragedy. I know it won’t happen here, but I am not going to start burdening the shit in my head onto you guys. You’re in high school. We’re all in high school. You’re going to have your own shit to deal with, and no offense, but you guys aren’t therapists. I appreciate you guys being there, Clint last night and you this morning. And trust me, knowing you guys are here and you give a fuck is helping. But that’s all you need to do. The heavy stuff, that’s on me to handle and I will. But I’m not going to fuck you up by releasing my damage on you guys. I’d hate myself further for doing that.”
“You hate yourself?” that was hissed out. “After what that piece of shit did? You hate you? Hate that guy!”
Oh, crap. I forgot the few times when Alex got upset, he gave no fucks about who heard. His voice was rising.
I stepped closer, starting to deflate the situation when a fist hit the locker right next to Alex.
Clint said in passing, “Dude.” That was it. He was walking, turned, hit his fist into the locker, said his piece as he continued in his turn, and then he completed the small circle and kept on walking. Trenton and Cohen were with him. Both giving us a look as they passed by.
Alex seemed to remember where we were and cursed under his breath. He straightened up, shooting me a look. “Sorry.” His eyes trailed behind me and he stepped back even further, giving the same Cohen cool-guy-chin-lift to someone. “Hey, man.”
I looked, and wished I hadn’t.
Scout Raiden was standing a few feet back.
I hadn’t meant to, but I glanced up and caught his gaze, but unlike yesterday, the frostiness wasn’t there. His eyes were dark. There was emotions there, but they were stuffed down and I got a feeling that I wasn’t supposed to know they were even there. My whole body snapped to attention, but I jerked my gaze away, flustered.
I felt like I needed to smooth my hair down and what the hell was that about?
I cursed to myself, saying quickly, “I gotta find Gem. I’m a friend failure already. Don’t know where her locker is.”
I started forward. A hand caught my elbow and I was turned the other way. Alex added, gently pushing me forward, “Locker 678, but she dipped into class. I saw her.”
“Oh.” And crap because I hadn’t paid enough attention to my first class until I heard a low whistle.
Clint was standing outside a room and seeing that I’d heard him, I got the chin-lift from him too. Cohen was gone, but his friends from yesterday were standing by him. One was holding the door open for everyone and a lot of the girls were blushing, giggling as they went past.
I moved towards him and Clint lowered his head. “What was that about?”
“Nope.” I sailed right past, going to our table and taking my stool.
Clint took longer to sit next to me. His friends took their seats. One sat on the other side of Clint. The table in front of us was a two-seater and his other friend took the far left stool. The stool next to him was empty and remained empty as everyone else filed in and took their seats.
Then the teacher came in and announced, “We’ve had a few student changes.”
That was all he said because I guess it wasn’t our business? I’d agree with that, but this affected me because instead of one of those normal students, I was guessing, I heard from behind me, “Mike, take Hector’s spot.”
Mike, the friend who was on the other side of Clint, grabbed his stuff and moved to the stool that was in front of me. And on the other side of my cousin, Scout Raiden sat down.
The other adjustment?
Caleb Rice took the seat where Scout had taken yesterday.
He sat, and wheeled all the way around so he was facing us directly.
He looked at me, a full even stare, before his gaze moved to Scout’s, and then I heard, “I’m going to have to fuck that guy up.”
Clint grunted. “We’ll help set that up.”
It was my turn to do a double take, because what?
What was I missing here?
I asked Gem at lunch, both of us heading outside after we grabbed our food.She pushed open the door with her back, rotating with it and leading the way to an empty picnic table by the basketball court. “Oh, yeah. Caleb Rice is not good. He’s like bad bad. I’m assuming your cousins don’t know about your exchange with him in the office?”
I gave her a look.
She laughed, sitting down.
I sat across from her.
She leaned forward. “Did I tell you before that Caleb Rice always has a girl?” She kept on, not waiting, “He does and that annoys most guys. Not your cousins. Not Scout or Cohen. Those guys are the top and generally not in competition with Caleb. He crossed paths against Cohen awhile back when Caleb started dating Cohen’s little sister. Issue is that Caleb is a senior and Cohen’s sister is a freshman. They had words with him. I.e. I think they threatened him and by ‘them’, I don’t know who. I’m guessing Cohen, you know? Caleb ended things, until last Friday. I guess he and Amalia are back on. There was a party and they were talking. People saw and everyone flipped out. At least, that’s what I’m assuming the fight was about yesterday.”
“Why’s Scout Raiden so invested?”
She’d been cutting her apple when I said that. Her head lifted, and her eyes got big. “That is news to me. Why are you saying he’s so involved?”
If it was just Raiden, I’d tell her the reason in a heartbeat, but Clint might be involved. Therefore, I shrugged. “He was in the fight yesterday, but not in the fight. That’s all.”
“Oh. There to back up Cohen? I’ve always thought those two knew each other before Scout came to town. He’s loyal to Cohen and your cousins. I mean, he’s closest to Alex but I’ve seen him back up Trenton and Clint. I’m sure that’ll extend to you now, since, you know, family.”
Right.
That made me uncomfortable.
We sat and ate.
Gem filled me in on the rest of the school’s hierarchy, including the popular girls. We were nearing the end of lunch when I realized something: my cousins hadn’t checked on me. They hadn’t texted, or called and they hadn’t found me at lunch.
Which meant….shit.
I was eating a piece of toast and dropped it. It landed on my plate with a thud.
Gem gave me a look, laughing. “Don’t spill or anything--”
“It’s happening now.”
“Huh?” She bit into a piece of her toast.
“Now. Right now.” I pushed up from the table, looking, scanning. There was nothing amiss. I mean, people were looking over. I knew that would happen. People were probably still curious about me, but I saw none of my cousins. Or Scout. Or Cohen.
Or Caleb.
I knew it in my gut.
Whatever they were doing, it was going on right now.
I was moving before I could stop myself.
If they were doing something, it wasn’t happening outside. Someone would’ve seen or heard. There was nothing and I was thinking, guessing.
It was dark…
“Max?”
The bathroom lights were flickering above me.
I kept going.
I shouldn’t have kept going.
The bathroom. No. The locker room.
The jock code was real. No one would say anything if they saw something happening in there.
It was there.
I just knew it and I was heading inside.
Locker rooms were usually near the gym, or at the end of a hallway.
My mind was racing.
Don’t get involved.
I was trying to tell myself.
Let it go.
My cousins know what they’re doing.
This is their school.
I was new.
I was a female.
And then also, fuck that.
I heard Gem yelling my name, but there was a filter in my head and over my hearing. Gem’s voice came at a distance, far away. I pushed through the doors, going inside.
There were more people inside, at their lockers. Some leave the cafeteria, going into the cafeteria. Going in and out of the library. Going around me. A group of girls had congregated by some lockers. They turned, seeing me, and grew quiet. They watched me as I bypassed them.
I needed to leave it alone.
I couldn’t.
I was going down the hallway, looking, and then, coming upon the end of where Alex’s locker was, I saw a guy dip into a room. It was the end of the hallway and it didn’t look like a classroom. There were a couple guys set up halfway down the hallway. They were blocking people from getting near that door.
I knew it.
I was right.
I started towards them.
One got in front of me, his hands up and his palms facing my way. “Hey, listen. You shouldn’t--”
I gave him a look, one of my primal don’t-fuck-with-me looks and it worked. He stepped back, his hands lowering.
I kept on, but I heard the other guy say, “They are going to skin you alive, man.”
He sighed. “Did you see that look? I’m not messing with her.”
I could hear them once I got to the door. Muffled shouting and the sounds of something getting hit. Someone getting hit.
I pushed open the door, and there was a second door.
I could hear the voices more clearly.
“--fucking piece of shit.”
Thud.
“Told you to stay away from my sister. You should’ve listened.”
Thud. Thud. Thud!
Moaning.
A gasp, “Help me, guys.”
I pushed open the second door.
A set of lockers was immediately in front of me. The main light was shining over a section on the other side of those lockers.
I started forward, but faltered when I heard Alex’s voice, “She’s fifteen, you piece of shit.”
“Fifteen.”
That was Clint and shivers broke down my spine. I’d only heard that cold tone from him once in my life.
I finished rounding the lockers.
At first they didn’t see me.
Scout was holding Caleb back, all by himself. He had an arm twisted around Caleb’s arm and under his neck and his leg positioned around one of Caleb’s leg as he was behind Caleb. He was holding him immobile. Caleb’s front was facing the guys. He couldn’t fight back, except try to strain to get away, but it was useless.
He looked like a flaying fish that had been staked through.
I felt sorry for him. A pang went through me, but I was in a different bathroom.
I was being held down, a hand at my throat.
Fists hitting my stomach.
“Ramsay!”
I jerked out of that memory.
Cohen had been lining up for another punch.
My cousins were standing in a circle behind Cohen, but six heads turned my way.
I looked, but I didn’t see the other guy.
“There’s another guy.”
Trenton had started for me, but he faltered, frowning. “What?”
“I saw a guy duck in here.” I was looking. “It wasn’t one of you guys.”
Clint and Alex both came for me.
Alex’s face was darkening. “You’re saying there’s someone else in here?”
I nodded.
Clint cursed, bypassing me. He pointed the other way. “Trent.”
“On it.”
My cousins separated, spanning out.
I stayed rooted and my gaze went right to Scout’s.
His face was like granite, but he only tightened his hold and he barked at Cohen, “Finish it.”
“She said--”
“We’ll handle him, too. Finish this one while we got him.”
I couldn’t look at Caleb’s face. It was swollen, covered in blood and he went back to struggling to get free from Scout. I focused on his feet instead. They were useless for him, not supporting him, doing nothing. He was trying to kick out Scout’s leg, but it wasn’t moving. It seemed rooted into the ground, and then I heard the thudding again.
Cohen went back to hitting.
“You thought you could get away from me?” That hand tightened on my throat.
“Max,” I gasped, tears almost suffocating me. “Please.”
His arm was like cement. I couldn’t do anything.
He raised his fist, and I closed my eyes.
I knew what was coming.
“You’re going to leave my sister alone.” Hit. “You’re going to lose her number.” Punch. “You’re going to never take her calls, answer any DMs from her. You’re not going to retweet any shit from her. You hear me?” Thud. Thud. Thud.
Someone gasped.
There was moaning.
“You’re never going to get away from me.”
“Max.” I couldn’t speak. He was crushing my throat.
The lights started swimming then, going around me.
My back began to arch, my toes leaving the floor. I started to raise up from the floor, but his hand. He kept me pinned in place.
Something crashed into a locker, and I jumped from the sound.
Then I was moving, almost blind in my need.
“Stop.” I rushed in.
Cohen was starting to release another punch, but I got between him and shoved him back.
“What the fuck?!”
I turned, pulling Caleb from Scout’s hold and I shoved him back, not towards the door, but at Cohen. My chest was heaving. “Give him a fighting chance. It’s not right, how you were doing it.”
I heard movement, and someone else ran into a locker.
Trent was herding a guy forward. Alex next to him.
Clint was coming around the other way. “Found him.”
Then all noticed the change of locations and Clint’s dark smirk fell flat. “What’s going on?”
Scout growled from behind me, “Your cousin got involved.”
I ignored him because Caleb saw his chance.
He started to run, but not for the door. He tried going in the opposite direction.
Cohen was on him, grabbing his shoulders and throwing him into the lockers and then onto the floor. Caleb tried fighting back, but it was pointless. Cohen had him down and he was raining punch after punch on him. It was a sickening sight.
From behind me, Scout said quietly, “That’s why I was holding him. Now I gotta pull my friend off the guy so he doesn’t kill him. The other way, he was getting a few hits in and Rice could still walk.” He brushed past me, knocking into my arm as he reached for Cohen. Clint was there, too. Both of them lifted Cohen off of Rice, and when I thought Caleb would get up and make a run for it, he didn’t. He was unconscious.
Cohen spun around to me, wiping his arm over his mouth. “He raped my sister. He raped her, and she found out she was pregnant this morning. Don’t get involved in shit you don’t know.”
Shit I didn’t know?
I didn’t give a fuck what he thought. I said, clearly, “He preferred that beating to the first one. He had a chance to fight back, and I can tell you that’s something I do know.” A pause. “I’m sorry about your sister.” With that said, I turned and left.
I didn’t make eye contact with any of my cousins, just left remembering a time when I was held down.
They’d know.
That shit happened to them, they’d know.
All that said, Rice deserved that beating but he got it when he could fight back. That’s all I cared about.
I hit the first door, then the second and as I went out into the hallway, the only voice I could hear was telling me, “You’re never going to be free of me. Never.”
I suppressed a shiver because I was starting to think he was right.
I’d never be free.
***
I wanted to ditch. Every cell in my body was telling me to run, but it was my second day. I couldn’t do that. What I did instead was go to the library until the fifth period bell rang. Gem was in that class and she waved me over to the seat beside her. I slipped in, hunching forward. “Hey.”
“Hey.” She was frowning, and watching the door as everyone else was coming in. “What happened? Did you find your cousins?”
I looked up to answer, and saw Scout coming into the room.
He paused, seeing me, then a hard look came over him as he came over and got into the chair behind Gem. He was parallel to me. The fucker knew what he was doing. Everytime I looked or talked to Gem, he was in line of eyesight.
His eyes were dark as he watched me.
I answered Gem, who’d noticed who was sitting behind her and her eyebrows rose high up into her forehead, “I was wrong and I felt like a dumbass, so I went to the library.”
There was a flicker in his gaze, but he didn’t say anything.
Gem did, though. “You were in the library this whole time?”
I nodded, my jaw stiff.
“I thought something was seriously wrong, the way you took off. I got rid of your tray, by the way.”
Crap. I’d forgotten.
I flashed her a frown. “I’m sorry, and thank you for the tray. I thought something was wrong, but it was fine.”
“But why didn’t you come back? I was waiting for you.”
That’s when I tuned into something else, something that completely missed my awareness yesterday.
Did Gem not have any other friends?
Wait. That didn’t make sense?
As if reading my mind, she scoffed, “I mean, it was fine. I hung out with some peeps, but not cool just taking off for a second day in a row. Text a girl, would ya? Let me know if you’re hiding because then I can not feel like a dumbass if I have to cover for you.”
Some of my tension faded, and I cracked a grin. “Sorry. I’ll tell you next time when I need to hide.”
“Good.” She rolled her eyes, but grinned back. Someone got in the seat behind me, and she shot upright. “Switch with me.”
“What?” I looked back.
Another girl was there, giving me a wide, but closed smile. “Heya. I’m Theresa.”
She had dark hair, dark eyes. Looked Latina. She was also freaking gorgeous.
She added, “I’m Gem’s cousin.”
“Yeah. Switch with me. Hurry.”
Gem had her stuff already up and in her arms, and I grabbed my items. As soon as I stood, Gem slid into my seat and I locked eyes with Scout before rounding the desk and coming up behind him. He leaned forward, resting his arm over his chair and as I slid into Gem’s vacant chair, not in front of him, I heard him say so quietly I knew only I could hear it, “Don’t say shit.”
My whole body locked down, but fuck that.
I rotated around, but my back was to Gem. It gave Scout and I a modicum of privacy since there was a wall on the other side. “Don’t threaten me.”
His eyes flashed. “Or what?”
Or what? Seriously?
Then my eyes flashed and I leaned closer to him. “I am crazy. You have no idea the PTSD shit going in my head. Believe me when I tell you that you don’t want to fuck with a crazy person. There’s no rationality. No reasoning. Why do you think my cousins are worried about me? They know how messed up I am. Threaten me again and you’ll find out the first step I’m willing to take. Guarantee you have more to lose than I do here, buddy.”
I was ignoring the sensations building under my skin, making me heated, making my neck feel flushed, my face hot.
He stared at me. I stared right back.
We were back to the glaring fest from yesterday. Whatever unspoken truce might’ve happened earlier was all gone.
He smirked, but his eyes were so hard. “If you’re that crazy, maybe you’re a danger to the students here? Maybe you need to be in a mental hospital?”
I heard his threat, and it rolled my stomach. I felt like I needed to upheave. “You’d exploit me like that?”
His smirk faded, but pure hatred was right there instead. “You say anything that’ll come back on Cohen, and yeah. You bet your ass I will.”
New emotions were flooding me, ones I didn’t want to identify. “I bet Cohen’s little sister could use a friend. She might want to hear from someone who’s been in a similar situation. She won’t know that it’s not true, but she’ll think it.” I ignored how still he went. I kept on, my voice so soft, “I could be her supportive shoulder to cry on. You have no idea how isolating what happened to her is making her feel, but I could. She’d lap that up like a starving kitten getting milk for the first day.”
A new darkness came over him, a dangerous sort of darkness.
Goddamn.
The throb was back, smack between my legs. I was more messed up than I thought.
He warned, his voice like ice, “You even talk to her, I’ll fuck your cousin up. Don’t matter which one. You got me? Cohen and Amalia are off-limits.”
“I could tell my cousins that you threatened one of them.”
“Go ahead. Cohen’s ride or die for me. They know that.”
Right.
We were in a standoff.
I didn’t mean what I threatened, but turning back around, I knew both of us had just stepped over a line that didn’t feel right. Or I did.
This was my first real conversation with him.
I shuddered at what the next conversation might be like.
Then the teacher started roll call.
I gave her a look.
She laughed, sitting down.
I sat across from her.
She leaned forward. “Did I tell you before that Caleb Rice always has a girl?” She kept on, not waiting, “He does and that annoys most guys. Not your cousins. Not Scout or Cohen. Those guys are the top and generally not in competition with Caleb. He crossed paths against Cohen awhile back when Caleb started dating Cohen’s little sister. Issue is that Caleb is a senior and Cohen’s sister is a freshman. They had words with him. I.e. I think they threatened him and by ‘them’, I don’t know who. I’m guessing Cohen, you know? Caleb ended things, until last Friday. I guess he and Amalia are back on. There was a party and they were talking. People saw and everyone flipped out. At least, that’s what I’m assuming the fight was about yesterday.”
“Why’s Scout Raiden so invested?”
She’d been cutting her apple when I said that. Her head lifted, and her eyes got big. “That is news to me. Why are you saying he’s so involved?”
If it was just Raiden, I’d tell her the reason in a heartbeat, but Clint might be involved. Therefore, I shrugged. “He was in the fight yesterday, but not in the fight. That’s all.”
“Oh. There to back up Cohen? I’ve always thought those two knew each other before Scout came to town. He’s loyal to Cohen and your cousins. I mean, he’s closest to Alex but I’ve seen him back up Trenton and Clint. I’m sure that’ll extend to you now, since, you know, family.”
Right.
That made me uncomfortable.
We sat and ate.
Gem filled me in on the rest of the school’s hierarchy, including the popular girls. We were nearing the end of lunch when I realized something: my cousins hadn’t checked on me. They hadn’t texted, or called and they hadn’t found me at lunch.
Which meant….shit.
I was eating a piece of toast and dropped it. It landed on my plate with a thud.
Gem gave me a look, laughing. “Don’t spill or anything--”
“It’s happening now.”
“Huh?” She bit into a piece of her toast.
“Now. Right now.” I pushed up from the table, looking, scanning. There was nothing amiss. I mean, people were looking over. I knew that would happen. People were probably still curious about me, but I saw none of my cousins. Or Scout. Or Cohen.
Or Caleb.
I knew it in my gut.
Whatever they were doing, it was going on right now.
I was moving before I could stop myself.
If they were doing something, it wasn’t happening outside. Someone would’ve seen or heard. There was nothing and I was thinking, guessing.
It was dark…
“Max?”
The bathroom lights were flickering above me.
I kept going.
I shouldn’t have kept going.
The bathroom. No. The locker room.
The jock code was real. No one would say anything if they saw something happening in there.
It was there.
I just knew it and I was heading inside.
Locker rooms were usually near the gym, or at the end of a hallway.
My mind was racing.
Don’t get involved.
I was trying to tell myself.
Let it go.
My cousins know what they’re doing.
This is their school.
I was new.
I was a female.
And then also, fuck that.
I heard Gem yelling my name, but there was a filter in my head and over my hearing. Gem’s voice came at a distance, far away. I pushed through the doors, going inside.
There were more people inside, at their lockers. Some leave the cafeteria, going into the cafeteria. Going in and out of the library. Going around me. A group of girls had congregated by some lockers. They turned, seeing me, and grew quiet. They watched me as I bypassed them.
I needed to leave it alone.
I couldn’t.
I was going down the hallway, looking, and then, coming upon the end of where Alex’s locker was, I saw a guy dip into a room. It was the end of the hallway and it didn’t look like a classroom. There were a couple guys set up halfway down the hallway. They were blocking people from getting near that door.
I knew it.
I was right.
I started towards them.
One got in front of me, his hands up and his palms facing my way. “Hey, listen. You shouldn’t--”
I gave him a look, one of my primal don’t-fuck-with-me looks and it worked. He stepped back, his hands lowering.
I kept on, but I heard the other guy say, “They are going to skin you alive, man.”
He sighed. “Did you see that look? I’m not messing with her.”
I could hear them once I got to the door. Muffled shouting and the sounds of something getting hit. Someone getting hit.
I pushed open the door, and there was a second door.
I could hear the voices more clearly.
“--fucking piece of shit.”
Thud.
“Told you to stay away from my sister. You should’ve listened.”
Thud. Thud. Thud!
Moaning.
A gasp, “Help me, guys.”
I pushed open the second door.
A set of lockers was immediately in front of me. The main light was shining over a section on the other side of those lockers.
I started forward, but faltered when I heard Alex’s voice, “She’s fifteen, you piece of shit.”
“Fifteen.”
That was Clint and shivers broke down my spine. I’d only heard that cold tone from him once in my life.
I finished rounding the lockers.
At first they didn’t see me.
Scout was holding Caleb back, all by himself. He had an arm twisted around Caleb’s arm and under his neck and his leg positioned around one of Caleb’s leg as he was behind Caleb. He was holding him immobile. Caleb’s front was facing the guys. He couldn’t fight back, except try to strain to get away, but it was useless.
He looked like a flaying fish that had been staked through.
I felt sorry for him. A pang went through me, but I was in a different bathroom.
I was being held down, a hand at my throat.
Fists hitting my stomach.
“Ramsay!”
I jerked out of that memory.
Cohen had been lining up for another punch.
My cousins were standing in a circle behind Cohen, but six heads turned my way.
I looked, but I didn’t see the other guy.
“There’s another guy.”
Trenton had started for me, but he faltered, frowning. “What?”
“I saw a guy duck in here.” I was looking. “It wasn’t one of you guys.”
Clint and Alex both came for me.
Alex’s face was darkening. “You’re saying there’s someone else in here?”
I nodded.
Clint cursed, bypassing me. He pointed the other way. “Trent.”
“On it.”
My cousins separated, spanning out.
I stayed rooted and my gaze went right to Scout’s.
His face was like granite, but he only tightened his hold and he barked at Cohen, “Finish it.”
“She said--”
“We’ll handle him, too. Finish this one while we got him.”
I couldn’t look at Caleb’s face. It was swollen, covered in blood and he went back to struggling to get free from Scout. I focused on his feet instead. They were useless for him, not supporting him, doing nothing. He was trying to kick out Scout’s leg, but it wasn’t moving. It seemed rooted into the ground, and then I heard the thudding again.
Cohen went back to hitting.
“You thought you could get away from me?” That hand tightened on my throat.
“Max,” I gasped, tears almost suffocating me. “Please.”
His arm was like cement. I couldn’t do anything.
He raised his fist, and I closed my eyes.
I knew what was coming.
“You’re going to leave my sister alone.” Hit. “You’re going to lose her number.” Punch. “You’re going to never take her calls, answer any DMs from her. You’re not going to retweet any shit from her. You hear me?” Thud. Thud. Thud.
Someone gasped.
There was moaning.
“You’re never going to get away from me.”
“Max.” I couldn’t speak. He was crushing my throat.
The lights started swimming then, going around me.
My back began to arch, my toes leaving the floor. I started to raise up from the floor, but his hand. He kept me pinned in place.
Something crashed into a locker, and I jumped from the sound.
Then I was moving, almost blind in my need.
“Stop.” I rushed in.
Cohen was starting to release another punch, but I got between him and shoved him back.
“What the fuck?!”
I turned, pulling Caleb from Scout’s hold and I shoved him back, not towards the door, but at Cohen. My chest was heaving. “Give him a fighting chance. It’s not right, how you were doing it.”
I heard movement, and someone else ran into a locker.
Trent was herding a guy forward. Alex next to him.
Clint was coming around the other way. “Found him.”
Then all noticed the change of locations and Clint’s dark smirk fell flat. “What’s going on?”
Scout growled from behind me, “Your cousin got involved.”
I ignored him because Caleb saw his chance.
He started to run, but not for the door. He tried going in the opposite direction.
Cohen was on him, grabbing his shoulders and throwing him into the lockers and then onto the floor. Caleb tried fighting back, but it was pointless. Cohen had him down and he was raining punch after punch on him. It was a sickening sight.
From behind me, Scout said quietly, “That’s why I was holding him. Now I gotta pull my friend off the guy so he doesn’t kill him. The other way, he was getting a few hits in and Rice could still walk.” He brushed past me, knocking into my arm as he reached for Cohen. Clint was there, too. Both of them lifted Cohen off of Rice, and when I thought Caleb would get up and make a run for it, he didn’t. He was unconscious.
Cohen spun around to me, wiping his arm over his mouth. “He raped my sister. He raped her, and she found out she was pregnant this morning. Don’t get involved in shit you don’t know.”
Shit I didn’t know?
I didn’t give a fuck what he thought. I said, clearly, “He preferred that beating to the first one. He had a chance to fight back, and I can tell you that’s something I do know.” A pause. “I’m sorry about your sister.” With that said, I turned and left.
I didn’t make eye contact with any of my cousins, just left remembering a time when I was held down.
They’d know.
That shit happened to them, they’d know.
All that said, Rice deserved that beating but he got it when he could fight back. That’s all I cared about.
I hit the first door, then the second and as I went out into the hallway, the only voice I could hear was telling me, “You’re never going to be free of me. Never.”
I suppressed a shiver because I was starting to think he was right.
I’d never be free.
***
I wanted to ditch. Every cell in my body was telling me to run, but it was my second day. I couldn’t do that. What I did instead was go to the library until the fifth period bell rang. Gem was in that class and she waved me over to the seat beside her. I slipped in, hunching forward. “Hey.”
“Hey.” She was frowning, and watching the door as everyone else was coming in. “What happened? Did you find your cousins?”
I looked up to answer, and saw Scout coming into the room.
He paused, seeing me, then a hard look came over him as he came over and got into the chair behind Gem. He was parallel to me. The fucker knew what he was doing. Everytime I looked or talked to Gem, he was in line of eyesight.
His eyes were dark as he watched me.
I answered Gem, who’d noticed who was sitting behind her and her eyebrows rose high up into her forehead, “I was wrong and I felt like a dumbass, so I went to the library.”
There was a flicker in his gaze, but he didn’t say anything.
Gem did, though. “You were in the library this whole time?”
I nodded, my jaw stiff.
“I thought something was seriously wrong, the way you took off. I got rid of your tray, by the way.”
Crap. I’d forgotten.
I flashed her a frown. “I’m sorry, and thank you for the tray. I thought something was wrong, but it was fine.”
“But why didn’t you come back? I was waiting for you.”
That’s when I tuned into something else, something that completely missed my awareness yesterday.
Did Gem not have any other friends?
Wait. That didn’t make sense?
As if reading my mind, she scoffed, “I mean, it was fine. I hung out with some peeps, but not cool just taking off for a second day in a row. Text a girl, would ya? Let me know if you’re hiding because then I can not feel like a dumbass if I have to cover for you.”
Some of my tension faded, and I cracked a grin. “Sorry. I’ll tell you next time when I need to hide.”
“Good.” She rolled her eyes, but grinned back. Someone got in the seat behind me, and she shot upright. “Switch with me.”
“What?” I looked back.
Another girl was there, giving me a wide, but closed smile. “Heya. I’m Theresa.”
She had dark hair, dark eyes. Looked Latina. She was also freaking gorgeous.
She added, “I’m Gem’s cousin.”
“Yeah. Switch with me. Hurry.”
Gem had her stuff already up and in her arms, and I grabbed my items. As soon as I stood, Gem slid into my seat and I locked eyes with Scout before rounding the desk and coming up behind him. He leaned forward, resting his arm over his chair and as I slid into Gem’s vacant chair, not in front of him, I heard him say so quietly I knew only I could hear it, “Don’t say shit.”
My whole body locked down, but fuck that.
I rotated around, but my back was to Gem. It gave Scout and I a modicum of privacy since there was a wall on the other side. “Don’t threaten me.”
His eyes flashed. “Or what?”
Or what? Seriously?
Then my eyes flashed and I leaned closer to him. “I am crazy. You have no idea the PTSD shit going in my head. Believe me when I tell you that you don’t want to fuck with a crazy person. There’s no rationality. No reasoning. Why do you think my cousins are worried about me? They know how messed up I am. Threaten me again and you’ll find out the first step I’m willing to take. Guarantee you have more to lose than I do here, buddy.”
I was ignoring the sensations building under my skin, making me heated, making my neck feel flushed, my face hot.
He stared at me. I stared right back.
We were back to the glaring fest from yesterday. Whatever unspoken truce might’ve happened earlier was all gone.
He smirked, but his eyes were so hard. “If you’re that crazy, maybe you’re a danger to the students here? Maybe you need to be in a mental hospital?”
I heard his threat, and it rolled my stomach. I felt like I needed to upheave. “You’d exploit me like that?”
His smirk faded, but pure hatred was right there instead. “You say anything that’ll come back on Cohen, and yeah. You bet your ass I will.”
New emotions were flooding me, ones I didn’t want to identify. “I bet Cohen’s little sister could use a friend. She might want to hear from someone who’s been in a similar situation. She won’t know that it’s not true, but she’ll think it.” I ignored how still he went. I kept on, my voice so soft, “I could be her supportive shoulder to cry on. You have no idea how isolating what happened to her is making her feel, but I could. She’d lap that up like a starving kitten getting milk for the first day.”
A new darkness came over him, a dangerous sort of darkness.
Goddamn.
The throb was back, smack between my legs. I was more messed up than I thought.
He warned, his voice like ice, “You even talk to her, I’ll fuck your cousin up. Don’t matter which one. You got me? Cohen and Amalia are off-limits.”
“I could tell my cousins that you threatened one of them.”
“Go ahead. Cohen’s ride or die for me. They know that.”
Right.
We were in a standoff.
I didn’t mean what I threatened, but turning back around, I knew both of us had just stepped over a line that didn’t feel right. Or I did.
This was my first real conversation with him.
I shuddered at what the next conversation might be like.
Then the teacher started roll call.
Two days passed without drama. Thank goodness.
No panic attacks. No flashbacks. No fights either.
I hung out with my cousins. Cohen and Scout weren’t there. They were scarce, which Gem said was weird since both were so tight with Alex. I knew I was the reason, but I didn’t care. Jury was still out on Cohen, but Scout was officially a dick.
Also, Theresa began spending more time with Gem at her locker. Whenever I showed up, she gave me a look and said her goodbyes. I was starting to note the looks she gave me and then give Gem before she left each time. There was something there, something that was happening because of me. I needed to bring it up to Gem one of these days, but since I wasn’t having any PTSD moments, I also kinda didn’t want to seek out any potential drama of my own. I was worried that conversation could lead to drama, so I was avoiding it for now.
My mom had been keeping to her evening hours, but hadn’t needed to do a double shift. That meant I got her at the house at night so score for me. It was Thursday now and my mom had an entire day off. The plans were boundless. Or in my head, they were. I was hoping for an entire afternoon of maybe shopping? Ice cream? Coffee? Who knew with all the possibilities, but then I was hoping for an entire evening to binge something from Netflix. I was thinking Grey’s Anatomy or hell, maybe some Queen of the South. I’d be happy with a classic run of Veronica Mars or even Buffy. Or Suits! But the night needed to end with popcorn and cuddles in bed while we watched a serial killer documentary.
I was putting the request in now.
The request didn’t leave the dock.
I got home after school, begging off Gem’s invitation to hang out at her house and Trenton’s invitation to go to Louie’s. I still hadn’t visited Louie’s, but I realized after I finished that first full day that if I’d been concerned about seeing much of Scout after school, I didn’t need to. According to, well, everyone, he went to his Uncle’s gym and trained into the evening. Talk about rigorous, but I guess that’s what you needed to be a top elite fighter.
Sounded exhausting.
So I was excited after Thursday, pedaling home the short route (not by the river) and when I got there, I stopped short. My mom was in the kitchen, but she was putting a casserole in a picnic bag that was already bulging. I dropped my backpack just inside the door and kept walking. “What are you doing?”
She looked up, a bright smile on her face. “Hey, honey. How was school?”
I went to the counter, peeking inside and she had rolls wrapped up in there, along with two wine bottles and a bag of strawberries. “Mom? What’s this?”
“We’re going on the river with Aileen and the boys. Seth is leaving work early so he thought it’d be a great night to take the pontoon out. Grab your swimsuit, sweetie.”
I was dumbfounded.
Normally a boat ride and swimming with my Aunt and Uncle, and my cousins was something I’d be elated about. Not this time.
“I thought we were doing our own thing tonight.”
“Hmm?” She was pushing some paper plates inside, along with wrapped plastic utensils. She frowned at the bag, stepping back once she was done. “Aileen said they’d bring the meat and chips. I’ve got salad in here too. What am I missing?”
My mouth went dry.
She snatched a roll of paper towels. “Napkins. You know those boys. They’re so messy.” Seeing me still standing there, she put her arm through the straps and nodded at me. “What are you doing? Hurry up. Change into your suit and we gotta get going if we’ll get on the river in time. They have a set place apparently where they eat at, a sand bar or something.”
Right. A sandbar.
My mom picked up the bag, along with another small bag and went to the back door. I heard the car door dinging open and let out a sigh. My ‘mom time’ was going to be shared with ‘family time,’ but I got it. She probably missed her sister. Aunt Aileen and my mom had always been super tight.
Plus, it’d been years since I had a pontoon ride.
Okay. Change the attitude. This was a good thing, family bonding. We’d have lots of other ‘mom and daughter’ days. Right.
Consider my attitude changed.
With that thought, I headed up and changed into my bikini. Pulling on a tanktop and shorts, I toed on my sandals, nabbed my favorite beach towel, and almost thundered down the stairs. I was about to hit the door when I remembered my phone. Backtracking, I grabbed my purse, sunglasses, and chapstick. Then I was off. I wouldn’t need anything else.
Mom was in the car, her door cropped open. “Did you lock the house?”
Reversing, once more, I ran through the house. All the windows were locked (which was a given with us, but it never hurt to double check), and the front door, side door, and now the back door were all locked up. I hurried down the stairs, and got in the passenger side. “All good.”
We were pulling onto the road when she asked, “Do you have homework for tomorrow?”
I did, but I shrugged. “I’m good.”
“Ramsay.” She was giving me her ‘mom’ voice, all serious. “Do you have homework to do for tomorrow? I’m asking because I need to know what time to we need to head back. You know Aileen and the boys. They’ll invite us over for popcorn and movies, but I need to know the scope before we get to that invitation.”
I loved my mom, that she wanted our own game plan ahead of time. I smiled at her. “I have a little bit, but nothing too bad. I can do it easily whenever we get back.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.” And because she was in a good mood and thinking I was so responsible, I asked, “Can I sip on some wine on the pontoon?”
And because she was my mom, she said, “Not a chance.”
I stifled a laugh, but take that Clint. My mom was not as pro-wine as he thought. Still. If I snuck a little, she wouldn’t get too mad. Or I was hoping.
***
“CANNONBALL!!!!!!”
I was laying out in the front of the boat when Clint jumped over me, his knees tucked to his chest and he crashed into the water. It splashed up and over me. But Clint wasn’t alone. Alex followed. Trenton was after him.
I glared at the next guy who was in line to jump, but Cohen only laughed, held his hands up in a mock-surrender, then jumped over my anyways. He just didn’t cannonball.
When he showed up, I was nervous at first.
I hadn’t needed to be.
He gave me the cool-chin-raise thing along with a, “What’s up?” before he followed Alex to the back of the boat. My Uncle and Aunt’s pontoon was huge. If there was a deluxe super size one, that’s what they had. There was a whole sitting area in the back. The middle was of a table and another chair and couch on the other side, and then the front where I was had its own seating area as well. I had a gate in front of me, with another small standing area. The guys didn’t launch themselves off that standing area. They stepped on my couch and then jumped over me.
“Douches,” I yelled after Cohen jumped in.
Clint was laughing, and starting to swim back over. “Don’t be dumb. Jump in. You like swimming.”
“Not today.”
He only laughed.
Trenton did too, hitting the water with his hand half-cupped. He hit it at the right angle so a good wave jumped back up and splashing me, once again.
“Trent!”
He began backpedaling, facing me. “Come on! You’ve never been a lame girl before. Don’t start.”
No way. No effin way.
I knew my cousins and they were going to gang up on me. I’d be pulled under, twisted around, jumped on and I’d barely have time to take a breath before someone else would yank me from my ankle back down. They were wound up, but I didn’t totally know why. I would’ve thought they got that out of their system after whatever they did to the second guy who’d witnessed the Caleb beat-down.
Alex and Cohen were swimming over to the front end, and they climbed up. A pile of towels were there, and both began drying off. Stepping over the gate, Alex sat across from me, tossing his towel back on the floor. I was half sitting up, so the end of my couch was open. Cohen plopped down there, and both guys were eyeing the adults.
My Uncle had dropped the anchor twenty minutes ago so the guys could swim. He had sat down at the table with Aunt Chris and my mom. All had coffee thermoses, of which I knew didn’t have coffee in any of them. They were laughing and didn’t look like they were paying us attention.
Cohen said to Alex, leaning forward, “Think we could sneak some booze?”
Alex shot me a grin, also leaning forward. “Thinking that’s a good chance. Your mom’s drinking? I didn’t think she normally did.”
I shrugged, feeling weird about the question, but not knowing why. “She doesn’t normally. Maybe she wanted to blow off some steam.”
Cohen laughed, sitting back and kicking his leg out. “I don’t blame her. It’s been a week, huh.”
He was watching me, saying that last bit to me as the boat dipped and Clint and Trenton were climbing back up. They walked through the gate, both holding towels in their hands.
I got all cautious, not for sure what Cohen was referencing or if he was testing me, seeing if I’d say anything or not. I chose to play dumb. “I guess. My first week here. It’s a lot in general.”
Cohen kept on watching me, studying me.
He’d been testing me. I knew it then.
Then something flickered and he eased back.
Clint dropped down onto the floor, on the other side of where I was sitting.
Trenton took a seat next to Alex. He hit the side of Alex’s knee, also watching the adults. “Go and grab the cooler.”
“Like that’s not obvious.” Alex frowned.
Clint offered, “I put water in there. He says something or if he’s watching, just grab the water first. It’s not like you don’t know how to sneak, dude.”
Alex shot me a look before a resigned expression tightened his face, and he stood, going to grab the cooler.
He brought it back. Seeing my Uncle watching, he called back, “Grabbing water, pops.”
My Uncle kept watching for another second, seeing as Alex lifted up a water bottle. What he didn’t see was that Alex shifted, his front half blocking his dad’s vision from seeing as Trenton grabbed the Rum. As soon as that was hidden, put on the other side of Trent, Clint leaned forward and nabbed a soda.
At seeing that, my Uncle returned to the conversation.
“Rams?” Alex was holding out a soda for me.
I took it, or I would’ve. Clint snagged it, opened it and drank a third of it. He handed it to Trent, who didn’t wait for my approval. He turned and filled it up with Rum, then handed it back to me. “You’re welcome.”
I glared at him, but took it.
Once upon a time, I used to enjoy drinking. I liked laughing too. I enjoyed getting buzzed and being stupid, then yeah; the ex happened and there was a part of me where I was digging this. I felt like a normal teenager, sneaking booze. The bonus is that I was with my family so I’d be safe. That was like a double bonus, but still; I gave my cousins a dark look before I took my first sip.
I did enjoy a good Rum and coke.
All of my cousins were grinning and Trent went back to filling up the rest of our sodas.
We kept sneaking drinks, swimming and I joined. An hour into it, my Aunt and mom brought out the food. It was after we were eating when I noticed Cohen checking his phone. He nudged Alex with his hand. “Where are we? We far from Eagle Peak?”
“Oh, yeah! What time is it?”
“He’s finishing up now. It’s eight.”
My chest sank because I had no idea that much time had gone by and also, I knew who ‘he’ was.
Before I could think of something to say, Alex was scrambling up. “Dad! Can we swing by Eagle Peak and pick up Scout? He’s getting done with training.”
My uncle checked our location and his clock, and nodded. “Yeah. We’re not too far. Tell him ten minutes.”
“Has he eaten yet?” from my Aunt.
Alex gave her a look. “Mom. When would a fighter in training ever turn down food even if he did eat?”
“When he’s trying to make weight.”
He shrugged, going back to his seat. “He’s not doing that today, so we’re all good. Bring out the food!”
Clint had gone to the back and he was pulling up the anchor.
Cohen returned to his seat beside me, and he asked, his voice kept low, “You okay with this?”
I gave him a surprised look.
He ducked his head down, a little flush on his cheeks but that might’ve been from the sun or Rum. “He told me. He tells me everything, just so you know.”
I gave Alex a look because if he told Cohen, had he…?
“He didn’t tell him. It’s different with me and Scout. I knew him before he came out here. I’m actually the reason he came out here, but he doesn’t need to know I told you that. Right?”
I was eyeing him, studying him this time. I said it slowly, “Right.”
He gave a nod before relaxing, but his leg was touching mine. I didn’t think he registered that, and he brought up his arm, crossing it over his chest, but he seemed to be getting more comfortable. He said, “He told me what he said to you, about what he’d do.” His head turned. He was watching me. “He’d never do that, you know. I just want you to know that. Never. He felt bad about what he said.”
“He tell you that?”
“Not in so many words, but I know my best friend. He’s like my brother, for real. That’s why he’s so protective of my sister, too. Thinks of her as his little sister. Sure you can relate, how you are with your cousins and all.”
Right.
I was liking this conversation because it was making me not be so pissed off at Scout Raiden, who was a dick and deserved all my pissed-off-ness. I grunted. “Uh huh.”
Cohen chuckled. “Your cousins are right. You’re not like normal girls. You’re like a dude.”
“What?”
“Nothing.” He leaned forward, patting my knee. “Glad we had this talk.”
I wasn’t sure ‘talk’ was a good descriptor for it, but okay then.
We were going over the water, and going fast. Water was splashing up. A cool wind had kicked up too, but as we were speeding forward, I felt Clint watching me. Looking over, seeing I was right, I tried to give him a smile. His eyes were dark, suspicious, and he glanced between me and Cohen.
My chest got all tight.
I did not need to be the cause of any situation between them and Cohen now, so I shook my head and mouthed, “It’s fine.” I gave him a meaningful look.
His eyebrows only drew closer and he got a stubborn set to his face.
I sighed internally because I recognized that look.
Clint would be cornering me later to find out what Cohen was saying to me, so I needed to figure out now what I wanted to tell him. I just knew a few things, one, I wasn’t going to lie to my cousins for Cohen or Scout and two, this was going to suck.
Cohen was a ride or die for Scout, I was ride or die for my cousins and vice versa.
He should’ve known.
No one gets between family.
Then again, the same might’ve been said for the Cohen-Scout family or whatever kind of family they had going on.
Either way, drama was coming.
No panic attacks. No flashbacks. No fights either.
I hung out with my cousins. Cohen and Scout weren’t there. They were scarce, which Gem said was weird since both were so tight with Alex. I knew I was the reason, but I didn’t care. Jury was still out on Cohen, but Scout was officially a dick.
Also, Theresa began spending more time with Gem at her locker. Whenever I showed up, she gave me a look and said her goodbyes. I was starting to note the looks she gave me and then give Gem before she left each time. There was something there, something that was happening because of me. I needed to bring it up to Gem one of these days, but since I wasn’t having any PTSD moments, I also kinda didn’t want to seek out any potential drama of my own. I was worried that conversation could lead to drama, so I was avoiding it for now.
My mom had been keeping to her evening hours, but hadn’t needed to do a double shift. That meant I got her at the house at night so score for me. It was Thursday now and my mom had an entire day off. The plans were boundless. Or in my head, they were. I was hoping for an entire afternoon of maybe shopping? Ice cream? Coffee? Who knew with all the possibilities, but then I was hoping for an entire evening to binge something from Netflix. I was thinking Grey’s Anatomy or hell, maybe some Queen of the South. I’d be happy with a classic run of Veronica Mars or even Buffy. Or Suits! But the night needed to end with popcorn and cuddles in bed while we watched a serial killer documentary.
I was putting the request in now.
The request didn’t leave the dock.
I got home after school, begging off Gem’s invitation to hang out at her house and Trenton’s invitation to go to Louie’s. I still hadn’t visited Louie’s, but I realized after I finished that first full day that if I’d been concerned about seeing much of Scout after school, I didn’t need to. According to, well, everyone, he went to his Uncle’s gym and trained into the evening. Talk about rigorous, but I guess that’s what you needed to be a top elite fighter.
Sounded exhausting.
So I was excited after Thursday, pedaling home the short route (not by the river) and when I got there, I stopped short. My mom was in the kitchen, but she was putting a casserole in a picnic bag that was already bulging. I dropped my backpack just inside the door and kept walking. “What are you doing?”
She looked up, a bright smile on her face. “Hey, honey. How was school?”
I went to the counter, peeking inside and she had rolls wrapped up in there, along with two wine bottles and a bag of strawberries. “Mom? What’s this?”
“We’re going on the river with Aileen and the boys. Seth is leaving work early so he thought it’d be a great night to take the pontoon out. Grab your swimsuit, sweetie.”
I was dumbfounded.
Normally a boat ride and swimming with my Aunt and Uncle, and my cousins was something I’d be elated about. Not this time.
“I thought we were doing our own thing tonight.”
“Hmm?” She was pushing some paper plates inside, along with wrapped plastic utensils. She frowned at the bag, stepping back once she was done. “Aileen said they’d bring the meat and chips. I’ve got salad in here too. What am I missing?”
My mouth went dry.
She snatched a roll of paper towels. “Napkins. You know those boys. They’re so messy.” Seeing me still standing there, she put her arm through the straps and nodded at me. “What are you doing? Hurry up. Change into your suit and we gotta get going if we’ll get on the river in time. They have a set place apparently where they eat at, a sand bar or something.”
Right. A sandbar.
My mom picked up the bag, along with another small bag and went to the back door. I heard the car door dinging open and let out a sigh. My ‘mom time’ was going to be shared with ‘family time,’ but I got it. She probably missed her sister. Aunt Aileen and my mom had always been super tight.
Plus, it’d been years since I had a pontoon ride.
Okay. Change the attitude. This was a good thing, family bonding. We’d have lots of other ‘mom and daughter’ days. Right.
Consider my attitude changed.
With that thought, I headed up and changed into my bikini. Pulling on a tanktop and shorts, I toed on my sandals, nabbed my favorite beach towel, and almost thundered down the stairs. I was about to hit the door when I remembered my phone. Backtracking, I grabbed my purse, sunglasses, and chapstick. Then I was off. I wouldn’t need anything else.
Mom was in the car, her door cropped open. “Did you lock the house?”
Reversing, once more, I ran through the house. All the windows were locked (which was a given with us, but it never hurt to double check), and the front door, side door, and now the back door were all locked up. I hurried down the stairs, and got in the passenger side. “All good.”
We were pulling onto the road when she asked, “Do you have homework for tomorrow?”
I did, but I shrugged. “I’m good.”
“Ramsay.” She was giving me her ‘mom’ voice, all serious. “Do you have homework to do for tomorrow? I’m asking because I need to know what time to we need to head back. You know Aileen and the boys. They’ll invite us over for popcorn and movies, but I need to know the scope before we get to that invitation.”
I loved my mom, that she wanted our own game plan ahead of time. I smiled at her. “I have a little bit, but nothing too bad. I can do it easily whenever we get back.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.” And because she was in a good mood and thinking I was so responsible, I asked, “Can I sip on some wine on the pontoon?”
And because she was my mom, she said, “Not a chance.”
I stifled a laugh, but take that Clint. My mom was not as pro-wine as he thought. Still. If I snuck a little, she wouldn’t get too mad. Or I was hoping.
***
“CANNONBALL!!!!!!”
I was laying out in the front of the boat when Clint jumped over me, his knees tucked to his chest and he crashed into the water. It splashed up and over me. But Clint wasn’t alone. Alex followed. Trenton was after him.
I glared at the next guy who was in line to jump, but Cohen only laughed, held his hands up in a mock-surrender, then jumped over my anyways. He just didn’t cannonball.
When he showed up, I was nervous at first.
I hadn’t needed to be.
He gave me the cool-chin-raise thing along with a, “What’s up?” before he followed Alex to the back of the boat. My Uncle and Aunt’s pontoon was huge. If there was a deluxe super size one, that’s what they had. There was a whole sitting area in the back. The middle was of a table and another chair and couch on the other side, and then the front where I was had its own seating area as well. I had a gate in front of me, with another small standing area. The guys didn’t launch themselves off that standing area. They stepped on my couch and then jumped over me.
“Douches,” I yelled after Cohen jumped in.
Clint was laughing, and starting to swim back over. “Don’t be dumb. Jump in. You like swimming.”
“Not today.”
He only laughed.
Trenton did too, hitting the water with his hand half-cupped. He hit it at the right angle so a good wave jumped back up and splashing me, once again.
“Trent!”
He began backpedaling, facing me. “Come on! You’ve never been a lame girl before. Don’t start.”
No way. No effin way.
I knew my cousins and they were going to gang up on me. I’d be pulled under, twisted around, jumped on and I’d barely have time to take a breath before someone else would yank me from my ankle back down. They were wound up, but I didn’t totally know why. I would’ve thought they got that out of their system after whatever they did to the second guy who’d witnessed the Caleb beat-down.
Alex and Cohen were swimming over to the front end, and they climbed up. A pile of towels were there, and both began drying off. Stepping over the gate, Alex sat across from me, tossing his towel back on the floor. I was half sitting up, so the end of my couch was open. Cohen plopped down there, and both guys were eyeing the adults.
My Uncle had dropped the anchor twenty minutes ago so the guys could swim. He had sat down at the table with Aunt Chris and my mom. All had coffee thermoses, of which I knew didn’t have coffee in any of them. They were laughing and didn’t look like they were paying us attention.
Cohen said to Alex, leaning forward, “Think we could sneak some booze?”
Alex shot me a grin, also leaning forward. “Thinking that’s a good chance. Your mom’s drinking? I didn’t think she normally did.”
I shrugged, feeling weird about the question, but not knowing why. “She doesn’t normally. Maybe she wanted to blow off some steam.”
Cohen laughed, sitting back and kicking his leg out. “I don’t blame her. It’s been a week, huh.”
He was watching me, saying that last bit to me as the boat dipped and Clint and Trenton were climbing back up. They walked through the gate, both holding towels in their hands.
I got all cautious, not for sure what Cohen was referencing or if he was testing me, seeing if I’d say anything or not. I chose to play dumb. “I guess. My first week here. It’s a lot in general.”
Cohen kept on watching me, studying me.
He’d been testing me. I knew it then.
Then something flickered and he eased back.
Clint dropped down onto the floor, on the other side of where I was sitting.
Trenton took a seat next to Alex. He hit the side of Alex’s knee, also watching the adults. “Go and grab the cooler.”
“Like that’s not obvious.” Alex frowned.
Clint offered, “I put water in there. He says something or if he’s watching, just grab the water first. It’s not like you don’t know how to sneak, dude.”
Alex shot me a look before a resigned expression tightened his face, and he stood, going to grab the cooler.
He brought it back. Seeing my Uncle watching, he called back, “Grabbing water, pops.”
My Uncle kept watching for another second, seeing as Alex lifted up a water bottle. What he didn’t see was that Alex shifted, his front half blocking his dad’s vision from seeing as Trenton grabbed the Rum. As soon as that was hidden, put on the other side of Trent, Clint leaned forward and nabbed a soda.
At seeing that, my Uncle returned to the conversation.
“Rams?” Alex was holding out a soda for me.
I took it, or I would’ve. Clint snagged it, opened it and drank a third of it. He handed it to Trent, who didn’t wait for my approval. He turned and filled it up with Rum, then handed it back to me. “You’re welcome.”
I glared at him, but took it.
Once upon a time, I used to enjoy drinking. I liked laughing too. I enjoyed getting buzzed and being stupid, then yeah; the ex happened and there was a part of me where I was digging this. I felt like a normal teenager, sneaking booze. The bonus is that I was with my family so I’d be safe. That was like a double bonus, but still; I gave my cousins a dark look before I took my first sip.
I did enjoy a good Rum and coke.
All of my cousins were grinning and Trent went back to filling up the rest of our sodas.
We kept sneaking drinks, swimming and I joined. An hour into it, my Aunt and mom brought out the food. It was after we were eating when I noticed Cohen checking his phone. He nudged Alex with his hand. “Where are we? We far from Eagle Peak?”
“Oh, yeah! What time is it?”
“He’s finishing up now. It’s eight.”
My chest sank because I had no idea that much time had gone by and also, I knew who ‘he’ was.
Before I could think of something to say, Alex was scrambling up. “Dad! Can we swing by Eagle Peak and pick up Scout? He’s getting done with training.”
My uncle checked our location and his clock, and nodded. “Yeah. We’re not too far. Tell him ten minutes.”
“Has he eaten yet?” from my Aunt.
Alex gave her a look. “Mom. When would a fighter in training ever turn down food even if he did eat?”
“When he’s trying to make weight.”
He shrugged, going back to his seat. “He’s not doing that today, so we’re all good. Bring out the food!”
Clint had gone to the back and he was pulling up the anchor.
Cohen returned to his seat beside me, and he asked, his voice kept low, “You okay with this?”
I gave him a surprised look.
He ducked his head down, a little flush on his cheeks but that might’ve been from the sun or Rum. “He told me. He tells me everything, just so you know.”
I gave Alex a look because if he told Cohen, had he…?
“He didn’t tell him. It’s different with me and Scout. I knew him before he came out here. I’m actually the reason he came out here, but he doesn’t need to know I told you that. Right?”
I was eyeing him, studying him this time. I said it slowly, “Right.”
He gave a nod before relaxing, but his leg was touching mine. I didn’t think he registered that, and he brought up his arm, crossing it over his chest, but he seemed to be getting more comfortable. He said, “He told me what he said to you, about what he’d do.” His head turned. He was watching me. “He’d never do that, you know. I just want you to know that. Never. He felt bad about what he said.”
“He tell you that?”
“Not in so many words, but I know my best friend. He’s like my brother, for real. That’s why he’s so protective of my sister, too. Thinks of her as his little sister. Sure you can relate, how you are with your cousins and all.”
Right.
I was liking this conversation because it was making me not be so pissed off at Scout Raiden, who was a dick and deserved all my pissed-off-ness. I grunted. “Uh huh.”
Cohen chuckled. “Your cousins are right. You’re not like normal girls. You’re like a dude.”
“What?”
“Nothing.” He leaned forward, patting my knee. “Glad we had this talk.”
I wasn’t sure ‘talk’ was a good descriptor for it, but okay then.
We were going over the water, and going fast. Water was splashing up. A cool wind had kicked up too, but as we were speeding forward, I felt Clint watching me. Looking over, seeing I was right, I tried to give him a smile. His eyes were dark, suspicious, and he glanced between me and Cohen.
My chest got all tight.
I did not need to be the cause of any situation between them and Cohen now, so I shook my head and mouthed, “It’s fine.” I gave him a meaningful look.
His eyebrows only drew closer and he got a stubborn set to his face.
I sighed internally because I recognized that look.
Clint would be cornering me later to find out what Cohen was saying to me, so I needed to figure out now what I wanted to tell him. I just knew a few things, one, I wasn’t going to lie to my cousins for Cohen or Scout and two, this was going to suck.
Cohen was a ride or die for Scout, I was ride or die for my cousins and vice versa.
He should’ve known.
No one gets between family.
Then again, the same might’ve been said for the Cohen-Scout family or whatever kind of family they had going on.
Either way, drama was coming.
Scout was waiting on a dock outside the most magnificent log building I’d ever seen in my life. Seeing punching bags outside and weights, I was figuring this was the gym his uncle had built for him. There were a bunch of cars in a small parking lot, and some guys outside jumping rope, but Scout looked freshly showered, in swim-shorts, a muscle tee, and a bag over his shoulder.
When we pulled up, I got another surprise.
My Uncle and Aunt loved him. Like, loved loved him. Their arms were open and each hugged him as if he were a lost-long son being reunited with his family. My mom shot me a look, her eyebrows up, and I just shrugged. In this situation, I did not want to share. She didn’t need to know this was the guy who reminded me of Max and sent me leaving school early on my first day. I knew my mom. The mama bear claws would be out and she’d be making my aunt choose: her niece or her sons’ friend. Yeah. My mom was like that. She didn’t bullshit around, at least not anymore.
“Scout, you hungry, honey?” My aunt had returned to the table, pulling and unwrapping some of the food from before.
“Uh.” He grinned an almost lopsided grin, stepping towards her on the boat. “I mean, I did eat, but…”
She laughed, waving that away. “Okay. You sit. I’m assuming you’ve met my niece. This is my sister. Christina. We’ll get some food for you.”
He shot me a look. His face was blank and his eyes guarded, but he turned to my mom and he gave her an almost shy nod, a small smile. “Hello, Mrs. Williams.”
“Oh goodness. Just Chris, how about?”
The shy look worked on my mom. I could see her melting and she stepped forward, giving him a small hug before indicating their couches. “Sit, sit, sit. You want a sandwich?” She raised her voice, “Anyone else want a sandwich?”
“Uh….” Trenton stepped up to his dad, throwing his arm around my uncle’s shoulders. “Pops. Mom.” He was giving them his disarming smile. “I know we ate like an hour ago, but you know, we’ve been swimming and being active and since we’re running low on food and--”
Alex stepped forward. “Pike’s Pizza is like five miles from here.”
I asked Cohen, my voice low, “What’s Pike’s Pizza?”
His arms were crossed over his chest, but he still seemed just super comfortable. He whispered back, “It’s a local pizza and bar-be-que spot, but it’s on the river. A lot of boaters like stopping by. They bring the food out to us. Also great for bathroom breaks.”
Score. I was sold.
I shot my hand up. “I gotta pee.”
There was a smattering of choked laughter, but my Uncle blinked, gripping onto the steering wheel for a second. Jesus. He was weirded out by that comment from me? I snorted. “Be thankful you don’t have a daughter or that I’m not bleeding right now.”
“Ramsay!” from my mother, but she was grinning as she ‘admonished’ me.
My Aunt was just laughing.
My Uncle was stiff and looked like he wished a wormhole would show up for him to get swallowed away, but he said, “We can make a stop. That’s fine.”
Trenton shot a fist in the air. “Yes! Score one for the Pussy Republic.” He ended that sentence with a wink and a snap of his fingers at me.
I’d take it. I didn’t care. I really did have to go to the bathroom.
Alex and Trenton got up, sitting the back section with Scout.
Cohen seemed to be half dozing off next to me so I moved over, taking where Alex had been sitting.
Clint moved, his head turned up my way. “What was that about before?”
Fuck.
I’d been hoping he’d put this off and there’d be no drama until, I don’t know, when I wasn’t around? Though, that was the coward’s way out.
I sighed and told him. Everything.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” he bit out, the edges around his mouth white.
His eyes were stormy and dark, violence seeping from them. He had sat upright, and he was glaring to the back of the boat. “I’m going to fuck him up.”
“Don’t. Cohen said he felt bad about what he said, that he’d never do it. And what I said was messed up too. I mean, think about it, Clint. I was going to toy with Cohen’s sister. You know me. I’d never do that either.”
“That dickhead needs to not be around you. How about that? That’s what I’m thinking needs to be happening.”
“What’s going on?”
Cohen had woken up. He was sitting, no sleepiness in him anymore. He was watching Clint with very clear and alert eyes. He turned to me. “What’d you do?”
His tone was all accusatory.
I sat up because fuck him, if he was going to ‘blame’ me for this. “You talked to me in a whole ‘inconspicuous’ way. Which wasn’t ‘inconspicuous’ and my cousin noticed. Like you, you’re not going to lie for your ‘brother’ I’m not going to lie to my cousin. No offence, but no way in hell am I choosing to lie to my cousins for your ass or his.”
He scowled, scooting forward. His arms were loose at his side. “You told him? Everything?”
“Yeah. I don’t lie.”
Well, about these situations.
“He was going to fuck up myself or one of my brothers?” Clint asked that of Cohen, slowly standing though our boat was still moving over the water.
Cohen stood too, his hands still loose at his side, but I caught how they were flexing into fists. “It wasn’t like that. He was talking shit.”
“He was talking shit to my cousin, about myself and my brothers. How’s that okay with you?”
Cohen lowered his head, a flush working its way up his neck.. This one wasn’t from the sun or the rum. “It’s not, but it’s not something you wouldn’t do.”
“I wouldn’t threaten you or Scout if I were talking to your sister. How’s that for one?”
My gut shifted. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.
“He was scared. She saw what I did--”
“And me telling both of you that she was cool wasn’t good enough? That’s where he fucked up. He didn’t need to go to her, say what he did. He started this, not her.”
“What’s going on?”
Lovely. Stupendous.
Scout had joined the conversation.
The pontoon had slowed. We were nearing a bank, but all eyes and ears were on Clint, who didn’t waste his words. “You threatened my cousin and when she didn’t fall in line, you doubled down and threatened myself and my brothers. That’s what’s going on.”
I heard a gasp from behind Scout.
“What the fuck?” Alex joined the conversation, coming up from behind Scout. He moved to the side, standing next to Clint. “That true?”
Scout opened his mouth.
My cousin beat him to it, saying, “I said it. You know it’s true.”
Scout closed his mouth, but his dark gaze found me.
I felt punched by his look. The anger was literally making his eyes glitter.
Until Alex moved forward, blocking his view. “You don’t need to look her way. Ever.”
“It’s not like that.”
“Fuck that it’s not like that. I just saw the look you gave her.” From Alex.
Cohen, “Come on, guys.”
“He threatened her, and then threatened us. How the fuck are you okay with that?”
“She threatened my sister.”
I jumped to my feet.
Clint argued, “I told him she was cool. It didn’t need to go there. He fucked that up, not her.”
“What are you all talking about?”
Lovely, again. That was my Uncle.
We had parked at a dock and now it was obvious something was going down.
Alex spoke up, his voice sounding strained and unnatural, “It’s nothing. Just… high school friendship shit.”
“It sounds like more than that.” That was my mother.
Her voice was low and calm, and my heart spiked. I was almost proud of her because I also heard a note in her voice. She wasn’t going to take shit from anyone, no matter their age or their gender. Go, Chris!
Then from Trenton, “It’s really stupid petty high school stuff, Aunt Chris. Let us all sort it out and everything will be fine.”
Clint added, through gritted teeth, “Off the boat.”
Scout led the way, brushing past me, his eyes dark and ominous as he caught the side of the boat and launched himself over it. I ignored the shiver that sent down my spine and moved to follow, because I wasn’t going to get blamed for this whole thing. Clint stopped me, a hand on my stomach as he went next, going through the gate and stepping off the boat like a normal person.
Alex was next, giving me a look. “Let us handle this.”
I opened my mouth--
Trenton was next, saying, “This is more between us because we’re all friends. That’s all.”
And I closed my mouth because to an extent, I could understand.
Cohen shot me a measurable look before he brought up the rear. All five guys headed down the dock and up a small hill, then disappeared behind a row of trees.
“Ramsay.” My Uncle’s voice was serious.
I turned, slowly.
His eyes were knowing, and I didn’t know how I felt about that because knowing what? What did he know? Or maybe they were just disappointed? Pain flared in my gut if that was the case. I didn’t like anyone being disappointed in me, not when I didn’t think I deserved it.
His eyes flicked to where the guys had gone. “Is that a situation I need to interject?”
Oh, man. That’d be the icing on the cake, me sending an adult?
I shook my head, maybe a little too quick. “No. It’s not like that. They’ll figure it out, it’s just something where someone should’ve listened to someone and they didn’t. That’s all.”
I was trying to tell myself that’s all it was.
My Aunt and mom shared a look, but then my mom came towards me, her arm going up for me. I went to her side and burrowed into her, her arm closing around. She nuzzled my ear, whispering, “How about us girls go and get a table? And I’m going to ignore how I know you kids have been sneaking drinks and you can sip from my margarita? That sounds like a plan?”
I sagged into her. That sounded wonderful. I could do with some aunt and mother-daughter bonding time, at least until I found out the fall-out from what was going on behind those trees.
I wrapped an arm around my mom’s waist and hugged her tight. “That sounds great, Mom.”
I felt her lips move up in a smile as she pressed a kiss to my forehead, squeezing me back just as tight. “I love you, honey. Don’t ever forget that.”
I wouldn’t. “I love you, too.”
Aunt Chris joined the hug, coming up behind, putting an arm around both of us and her head nuzzled right in, announcing, “Don’t leave the only other girl out here. I need some sisterly-niece lovey times too.”
We laughed, and opened up. Aunt Chris snuggled right into the middle, an arm around each of us and we had an arm around her. As we walked up the dock and up the hill, I felt my mom’s hand finding mine behind Aunt Chris. She gave me a gentle smile as her fingers linked with mine.
In a way, this was a perfect ending right here.
Then we walked into Pike’s Pizza and that moment came to an abrupt stop.
***
My Aunt Aileen stopped abruptly once we went inside and sucked in her breath. “Oh, no.”
“What?”
My mom was looking inside, scanning and then she took a small step backwards. “Oh, no.” The way she said it was a whole lot different, like a resigned sad ‘oh, no’ whereas Aunt Ailes’ was a shocked and impending doom sort of ‘oh, no.’ Both were sending alarms signaling through my body and I was looking, but there wasn’t anyone or anything out of the ordinary I could see.
Families sitting and eating. Some little kids running around.
There were other teenagers in the back, and I frowned, wondering if I knew them from school?
Aunt Ailes whispered, almost to herself, “I can’t believe she’s here.”
She? What?
My mom sent me a look. “Ailes, Ramsay.”
Right. That was a total reminder. I was here. I was present.
I could hear.
My Aunt sucked in another breath, and she was blinking back sudden tears. She reached up, pressing her pinkie to the corner of one and nodding. “Yes. You’re right, but Chris,” her whisper was nearly agonizing to hear. Her voice started to tremble. “I can’t be here. I can’t--see her. I can’t. Oh, god. Nick is coming in, too. This is going to be a disaster.”
The door opened just on the end of her statement. Light shone in. Nick came inside, and the door shut behind him.
I was looking at seeing who’d look who was coming, who might react.
There.
In the back, a woman was at a table with who looked like her husband. They had a teenager girl with them, and two little boys. None of them reacted when they saw Nick, but she did. The woman did. She froze, her eyes getting big, and the blood drained from her face. She went from laughing to being pale. Her husband was laughing at something one of the little boys said when he realized his wife’s reaction.
His gaze followed hers, and seeing Nick too, he jerked upright in his chair.
His laughter fled and fast.
The teenager girl started to notice both her parents’ reactions and she was frowning, confused. She started looking around. Seeing us at the door, and me watching them, her frown deepened. She said something to her mom, whose gaze snapped to mine. Her eyes got even bigger, her eyebrows shot up. Then she was pushing back her chair in a hurried motion, hastily.
A hand touched my arm. My mom was there. “Honey. Let’s go to the back patio area.”
I didn’t move. “What’s going on?”
My cousins hadn’t said anything, but it was obvious something was going on here.
I pulled my gaze away from the family and focused on my mom, then my aunt and uncle.
My mom was still trying to pull me to the back section.
Uncle Nick’s gaze was riveted to that table, and he cursed, stepping back. His head folded.
I looked.
The husband was coming towards us.
Uncle Nick cursed. “I don’t need this right now. Get her out of here.”
My mom stiffened.
So did I. Neither of us responded to orders.
But the guy was on us by then and Nick held up a hand. “My family is here--”
The guy’s voice was harsh, almost shrill. “So’s mine. We were here first. You leave.”
“What?” Uncle Nick looked ready to stand his ground.
The guy swung his gaze around, skimming over me and my mom, and finding my Aunt. “How can you be okay with this? What he did--”
My Uncle surged forward. “I said that I have family with me.”
The husband jerked back, getting right in his face. “And I said so’s mine. We were here first.”
“So you can finish and leave early. Makes more sense then me turning around and telling my three teenage sons and their two friends that suddenly we’re not getting pizza here.”
“Okay.” Aunt Aileen stepped between them, her voice controlled, but soft at the same time. She touched my uncle’s stomach, though she was mostly turned towards the husband. “If we leave, it’ll raise questions. We’ll go to the back section. Let’s all try to ignore the other, how about?”
Uncle Nick’s head lifted, his gaze went behind them all, and he cursed once more before swinging around. “I can’t do this.” He went back outside.
The wife had approached, stopping just short of our group.
Aunt Aileen had paled now, and she stopped, seeing who was there. A wave of absolute desolation came over her. Her eyes got big, but sad. Her mouth was trembling all over again. It looked like a burst of wind could’ve bowled her over.
My mom took charge then, grabbing my arm in a firm hold and reaching for her sister’s arm. “Okay. Enough of this. I’ve got a very curious and intelligent daughter, so prepare for this to get out. In the meantime, you guys go to your table. We’ll go to ours outside and let’s all pretend neither of us are here.”
The husband was getting flustered, his chest rising. “We were here fir--”
My mom whirled on him. “Your wife cheated, too. There’s guilty parties on both sides and hurt parties right next to them. Play your part and ignore us. We’ll do the same.”
I was rocked, rocked.
My mom was ushering both my aunt and myself past the server and out to the patio. There was a large empty table in the back so that’s where we went. A waitress tried to intercept, but my mom had words with her. Aunt Aileen had focused back again, enough where she took hold of my hand and led me the rest of the way to the table. We sat.
There were still dishes on it. It hadn’t been empty, but as we sat, as my mom continued to talk to the waitress, my aunt started.
Two girls hurried over and began cleaning around us, as she did.
“You guys didn’t totally come out here for what happened to your father. It was for me, too.” She was watching the back of the restaurant, her shoulders slumping down and a haunting look in her eyes. It was in the way she was sitting, as if defeated. “He started an affair. I found out six months ago, and that woman isn’t supposed to even be here. She and her husband live in the city. They work together, her and Nick. I thought… why was she here? This is where we live. Why?”
I reached over, my hand taking hers and holding it tight.
She moved her second hand on top of mine, and she was grasping me like I was a lifeline. Tears filled her eyes and she shook her head, talking to herself, “That doesn’t make sense that she’d be here. Unless… Oh god. Unless she was hoping to see him again. But…” Suddenly, she jerked and she went stiff. She raised her face back up, gazing smack dab at me. Straight on. “The boys don’t know.”
My stomach tightened up, so did my hand between hers.
She shook her head, patting the top of my hand. “Don’t worry. You’ve had too much to shoulder over the last year. I won’t ask you to keep this from them. I think it’s time to get out anyway. The boys have started noticing things. Clint asked the other day why his father was sleeping in the guest house. I told him it was because he snored, but that’s not true. He’s too smart of a boy. I’m sure he has his own suspicions too.” her voice broke, and she took in a deep breath. “My boys. They’re going to be so angry. They always rally around their mother, their cousin. They’re going to rally all over again. They shouldn’t have to. I was hoping this wouldn’t get out, and they go to college next year.”
I didn’t know what to say. I was speechless, so we sat. I held my Aunt’s hand or she held mine and it seemed to help her. She stopped crying. That was the time they finished cleaning the table around us, and I wasn’t going to even think about what they thought or had overheard, but then my mom was coming to the table. She had a pitcher of margaritas in hand. The waitress she’d been talking to was following her with water and a basket of something to eat. Bread maybe?
I had no clue where my Uncle was, or my cousins.
And at the moment, I didn’t care.
My mom sat the margaritas down, sitting directly across from us. She took in her sister, then met my gaze. Hers was questioning, wondering how I was?
I gave her a small smile because what else was there to do?
I said, “We need to do this more.”
Both my aunt and mom frowned at me.
“Us three females. Maybe a margarita for me too? I think we need some lady nights.”
My Aunt started laughing.
My mom grinned back at me. “We’ll do it next Saturday night at our house. The boys can fend for themselves for a night.”
My aunt was smoothing her hand up and down my arm. It felt nice, soothing. I’m sure she was more soothing herself, though. “I think that is a marvelous idea.”
I announced it because I wanted to let them know, so they didn’t need to worry anymore, “I’m not going to say anything today.” I looked at both of them. “Maybe tomorrow, but not tonight. There’s enough drama going on.”
I saw both sag in relief.
We sat, sipped our drinks (mom let me have a small one) and Uncle Nick never came to the table. No one asked where he went, but the guys joined us thirty minutes later. All of them joined us. Scout and Cohen too. They sat at the end, and I didn’t look at them. At this moment, after finding out about the affair, Scout’s hatred seemed petty to me.
Everything seemed petty to me at that moment.
What was important came back to focus, and that was my aunt, my mom, my cousins, and just enjoying the rest of the night. So that’s what I did.
When we pulled up, I got another surprise.
My Uncle and Aunt loved him. Like, loved loved him. Their arms were open and each hugged him as if he were a lost-long son being reunited with his family. My mom shot me a look, her eyebrows up, and I just shrugged. In this situation, I did not want to share. She didn’t need to know this was the guy who reminded me of Max and sent me leaving school early on my first day. I knew my mom. The mama bear claws would be out and she’d be making my aunt choose: her niece or her sons’ friend. Yeah. My mom was like that. She didn’t bullshit around, at least not anymore.
“Scout, you hungry, honey?” My aunt had returned to the table, pulling and unwrapping some of the food from before.
“Uh.” He grinned an almost lopsided grin, stepping towards her on the boat. “I mean, I did eat, but…”
She laughed, waving that away. “Okay. You sit. I’m assuming you’ve met my niece. This is my sister. Christina. We’ll get some food for you.”
He shot me a look. His face was blank and his eyes guarded, but he turned to my mom and he gave her an almost shy nod, a small smile. “Hello, Mrs. Williams.”
“Oh goodness. Just Chris, how about?”
The shy look worked on my mom. I could see her melting and she stepped forward, giving him a small hug before indicating their couches. “Sit, sit, sit. You want a sandwich?” She raised her voice, “Anyone else want a sandwich?”
“Uh….” Trenton stepped up to his dad, throwing his arm around my uncle’s shoulders. “Pops. Mom.” He was giving them his disarming smile. “I know we ate like an hour ago, but you know, we’ve been swimming and being active and since we’re running low on food and--”
Alex stepped forward. “Pike’s Pizza is like five miles from here.”
I asked Cohen, my voice low, “What’s Pike’s Pizza?”
His arms were crossed over his chest, but he still seemed just super comfortable. He whispered back, “It’s a local pizza and bar-be-que spot, but it’s on the river. A lot of boaters like stopping by. They bring the food out to us. Also great for bathroom breaks.”
Score. I was sold.
I shot my hand up. “I gotta pee.”
There was a smattering of choked laughter, but my Uncle blinked, gripping onto the steering wheel for a second. Jesus. He was weirded out by that comment from me? I snorted. “Be thankful you don’t have a daughter or that I’m not bleeding right now.”
“Ramsay!” from my mother, but she was grinning as she ‘admonished’ me.
My Aunt was just laughing.
My Uncle was stiff and looked like he wished a wormhole would show up for him to get swallowed away, but he said, “We can make a stop. That’s fine.”
Trenton shot a fist in the air. “Yes! Score one for the Pussy Republic.” He ended that sentence with a wink and a snap of his fingers at me.
I’d take it. I didn’t care. I really did have to go to the bathroom.
Alex and Trenton got up, sitting the back section with Scout.
Cohen seemed to be half dozing off next to me so I moved over, taking where Alex had been sitting.
Clint moved, his head turned up my way. “What was that about before?”
Fuck.
I’d been hoping he’d put this off and there’d be no drama until, I don’t know, when I wasn’t around? Though, that was the coward’s way out.
I sighed and told him. Everything.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” he bit out, the edges around his mouth white.
His eyes were stormy and dark, violence seeping from them. He had sat upright, and he was glaring to the back of the boat. “I’m going to fuck him up.”
“Don’t. Cohen said he felt bad about what he said, that he’d never do it. And what I said was messed up too. I mean, think about it, Clint. I was going to toy with Cohen’s sister. You know me. I’d never do that either.”
“That dickhead needs to not be around you. How about that? That’s what I’m thinking needs to be happening.”
“What’s going on?”
Cohen had woken up. He was sitting, no sleepiness in him anymore. He was watching Clint with very clear and alert eyes. He turned to me. “What’d you do?”
His tone was all accusatory.
I sat up because fuck him, if he was going to ‘blame’ me for this. “You talked to me in a whole ‘inconspicuous’ way. Which wasn’t ‘inconspicuous’ and my cousin noticed. Like you, you’re not going to lie for your ‘brother’ I’m not going to lie to my cousin. No offence, but no way in hell am I choosing to lie to my cousins for your ass or his.”
He scowled, scooting forward. His arms were loose at his side. “You told him? Everything?”
“Yeah. I don’t lie.”
Well, about these situations.
“He was going to fuck up myself or one of my brothers?” Clint asked that of Cohen, slowly standing though our boat was still moving over the water.
Cohen stood too, his hands still loose at his side, but I caught how they were flexing into fists. “It wasn’t like that. He was talking shit.”
“He was talking shit to my cousin, about myself and my brothers. How’s that okay with you?”
Cohen lowered his head, a flush working its way up his neck.. This one wasn’t from the sun or the rum. “It’s not, but it’s not something you wouldn’t do.”
“I wouldn’t threaten you or Scout if I were talking to your sister. How’s that for one?”
My gut shifted. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.
“He was scared. She saw what I did--”
“And me telling both of you that she was cool wasn’t good enough? That’s where he fucked up. He didn’t need to go to her, say what he did. He started this, not her.”
“What’s going on?”
Lovely. Stupendous.
Scout had joined the conversation.
The pontoon had slowed. We were nearing a bank, but all eyes and ears were on Clint, who didn’t waste his words. “You threatened my cousin and when she didn’t fall in line, you doubled down and threatened myself and my brothers. That’s what’s going on.”
I heard a gasp from behind Scout.
“What the fuck?” Alex joined the conversation, coming up from behind Scout. He moved to the side, standing next to Clint. “That true?”
Scout opened his mouth.
My cousin beat him to it, saying, “I said it. You know it’s true.”
Scout closed his mouth, but his dark gaze found me.
I felt punched by his look. The anger was literally making his eyes glitter.
Until Alex moved forward, blocking his view. “You don’t need to look her way. Ever.”
“It’s not like that.”
“Fuck that it’s not like that. I just saw the look you gave her.” From Alex.
Cohen, “Come on, guys.”
“He threatened her, and then threatened us. How the fuck are you okay with that?”
“She threatened my sister.”
I jumped to my feet.
Clint argued, “I told him she was cool. It didn’t need to go there. He fucked that up, not her.”
“What are you all talking about?”
Lovely, again. That was my Uncle.
We had parked at a dock and now it was obvious something was going down.
Alex spoke up, his voice sounding strained and unnatural, “It’s nothing. Just… high school friendship shit.”
“It sounds like more than that.” That was my mother.
Her voice was low and calm, and my heart spiked. I was almost proud of her because I also heard a note in her voice. She wasn’t going to take shit from anyone, no matter their age or their gender. Go, Chris!
Then from Trenton, “It’s really stupid petty high school stuff, Aunt Chris. Let us all sort it out and everything will be fine.”
Clint added, through gritted teeth, “Off the boat.”
Scout led the way, brushing past me, his eyes dark and ominous as he caught the side of the boat and launched himself over it. I ignored the shiver that sent down my spine and moved to follow, because I wasn’t going to get blamed for this whole thing. Clint stopped me, a hand on my stomach as he went next, going through the gate and stepping off the boat like a normal person.
Alex was next, giving me a look. “Let us handle this.”
I opened my mouth--
Trenton was next, saying, “This is more between us because we’re all friends. That’s all.”
And I closed my mouth because to an extent, I could understand.
Cohen shot me a measurable look before he brought up the rear. All five guys headed down the dock and up a small hill, then disappeared behind a row of trees.
“Ramsay.” My Uncle’s voice was serious.
I turned, slowly.
His eyes were knowing, and I didn’t know how I felt about that because knowing what? What did he know? Or maybe they were just disappointed? Pain flared in my gut if that was the case. I didn’t like anyone being disappointed in me, not when I didn’t think I deserved it.
His eyes flicked to where the guys had gone. “Is that a situation I need to interject?”
Oh, man. That’d be the icing on the cake, me sending an adult?
I shook my head, maybe a little too quick. “No. It’s not like that. They’ll figure it out, it’s just something where someone should’ve listened to someone and they didn’t. That’s all.”
I was trying to tell myself that’s all it was.
My Aunt and mom shared a look, but then my mom came towards me, her arm going up for me. I went to her side and burrowed into her, her arm closing around. She nuzzled my ear, whispering, “How about us girls go and get a table? And I’m going to ignore how I know you kids have been sneaking drinks and you can sip from my margarita? That sounds like a plan?”
I sagged into her. That sounded wonderful. I could do with some aunt and mother-daughter bonding time, at least until I found out the fall-out from what was going on behind those trees.
I wrapped an arm around my mom’s waist and hugged her tight. “That sounds great, Mom.”
I felt her lips move up in a smile as she pressed a kiss to my forehead, squeezing me back just as tight. “I love you, honey. Don’t ever forget that.”
I wouldn’t. “I love you, too.”
Aunt Chris joined the hug, coming up behind, putting an arm around both of us and her head nuzzled right in, announcing, “Don’t leave the only other girl out here. I need some sisterly-niece lovey times too.”
We laughed, and opened up. Aunt Chris snuggled right into the middle, an arm around each of us and we had an arm around her. As we walked up the dock and up the hill, I felt my mom’s hand finding mine behind Aunt Chris. She gave me a gentle smile as her fingers linked with mine.
In a way, this was a perfect ending right here.
Then we walked into Pike’s Pizza and that moment came to an abrupt stop.
***
My Aunt Aileen stopped abruptly once we went inside and sucked in her breath. “Oh, no.”
“What?”
My mom was looking inside, scanning and then she took a small step backwards. “Oh, no.” The way she said it was a whole lot different, like a resigned sad ‘oh, no’ whereas Aunt Ailes’ was a shocked and impending doom sort of ‘oh, no.’ Both were sending alarms signaling through my body and I was looking, but there wasn’t anyone or anything out of the ordinary I could see.
Families sitting and eating. Some little kids running around.
There were other teenagers in the back, and I frowned, wondering if I knew them from school?
Aunt Ailes whispered, almost to herself, “I can’t believe she’s here.”
She? What?
My mom sent me a look. “Ailes, Ramsay.”
Right. That was a total reminder. I was here. I was present.
I could hear.
My Aunt sucked in another breath, and she was blinking back sudden tears. She reached up, pressing her pinkie to the corner of one and nodding. “Yes. You’re right, but Chris,” her whisper was nearly agonizing to hear. Her voice started to tremble. “I can’t be here. I can’t--see her. I can’t. Oh, god. Nick is coming in, too. This is going to be a disaster.”
The door opened just on the end of her statement. Light shone in. Nick came inside, and the door shut behind him.
I was looking at seeing who’d look who was coming, who might react.
There.
In the back, a woman was at a table with who looked like her husband. They had a teenager girl with them, and two little boys. None of them reacted when they saw Nick, but she did. The woman did. She froze, her eyes getting big, and the blood drained from her face. She went from laughing to being pale. Her husband was laughing at something one of the little boys said when he realized his wife’s reaction.
His gaze followed hers, and seeing Nick too, he jerked upright in his chair.
His laughter fled and fast.
The teenager girl started to notice both her parents’ reactions and she was frowning, confused. She started looking around. Seeing us at the door, and me watching them, her frown deepened. She said something to her mom, whose gaze snapped to mine. Her eyes got even bigger, her eyebrows shot up. Then she was pushing back her chair in a hurried motion, hastily.
A hand touched my arm. My mom was there. “Honey. Let’s go to the back patio area.”
I didn’t move. “What’s going on?”
My cousins hadn’t said anything, but it was obvious something was going on here.
I pulled my gaze away from the family and focused on my mom, then my aunt and uncle.
My mom was still trying to pull me to the back section.
Uncle Nick’s gaze was riveted to that table, and he cursed, stepping back. His head folded.
I looked.
The husband was coming towards us.
Uncle Nick cursed. “I don’t need this right now. Get her out of here.”
My mom stiffened.
So did I. Neither of us responded to orders.
But the guy was on us by then and Nick held up a hand. “My family is here--”
The guy’s voice was harsh, almost shrill. “So’s mine. We were here first. You leave.”
“What?” Uncle Nick looked ready to stand his ground.
The guy swung his gaze around, skimming over me and my mom, and finding my Aunt. “How can you be okay with this? What he did--”
My Uncle surged forward. “I said that I have family with me.”
The husband jerked back, getting right in his face. “And I said so’s mine. We were here first.”
“So you can finish and leave early. Makes more sense then me turning around and telling my three teenage sons and their two friends that suddenly we’re not getting pizza here.”
“Okay.” Aunt Aileen stepped between them, her voice controlled, but soft at the same time. She touched my uncle’s stomach, though she was mostly turned towards the husband. “If we leave, it’ll raise questions. We’ll go to the back section. Let’s all try to ignore the other, how about?”
Uncle Nick’s head lifted, his gaze went behind them all, and he cursed once more before swinging around. “I can’t do this.” He went back outside.
The wife had approached, stopping just short of our group.
Aunt Aileen had paled now, and she stopped, seeing who was there. A wave of absolute desolation came over her. Her eyes got big, but sad. Her mouth was trembling all over again. It looked like a burst of wind could’ve bowled her over.
My mom took charge then, grabbing my arm in a firm hold and reaching for her sister’s arm. “Okay. Enough of this. I’ve got a very curious and intelligent daughter, so prepare for this to get out. In the meantime, you guys go to your table. We’ll go to ours outside and let’s all pretend neither of us are here.”
The husband was getting flustered, his chest rising. “We were here fir--”
My mom whirled on him. “Your wife cheated, too. There’s guilty parties on both sides and hurt parties right next to them. Play your part and ignore us. We’ll do the same.”
I was rocked, rocked.
My mom was ushering both my aunt and myself past the server and out to the patio. There was a large empty table in the back so that’s where we went. A waitress tried to intercept, but my mom had words with her. Aunt Aileen had focused back again, enough where she took hold of my hand and led me the rest of the way to the table. We sat.
There were still dishes on it. It hadn’t been empty, but as we sat, as my mom continued to talk to the waitress, my aunt started.
Two girls hurried over and began cleaning around us, as she did.
“You guys didn’t totally come out here for what happened to your father. It was for me, too.” She was watching the back of the restaurant, her shoulders slumping down and a haunting look in her eyes. It was in the way she was sitting, as if defeated. “He started an affair. I found out six months ago, and that woman isn’t supposed to even be here. She and her husband live in the city. They work together, her and Nick. I thought… why was she here? This is where we live. Why?”
I reached over, my hand taking hers and holding it tight.
She moved her second hand on top of mine, and she was grasping me like I was a lifeline. Tears filled her eyes and she shook her head, talking to herself, “That doesn’t make sense that she’d be here. Unless… Oh god. Unless she was hoping to see him again. But…” Suddenly, she jerked and she went stiff. She raised her face back up, gazing smack dab at me. Straight on. “The boys don’t know.”
My stomach tightened up, so did my hand between hers.
She shook her head, patting the top of my hand. “Don’t worry. You’ve had too much to shoulder over the last year. I won’t ask you to keep this from them. I think it’s time to get out anyway. The boys have started noticing things. Clint asked the other day why his father was sleeping in the guest house. I told him it was because he snored, but that’s not true. He’s too smart of a boy. I’m sure he has his own suspicions too.” her voice broke, and she took in a deep breath. “My boys. They’re going to be so angry. They always rally around their mother, their cousin. They’re going to rally all over again. They shouldn’t have to. I was hoping this wouldn’t get out, and they go to college next year.”
I didn’t know what to say. I was speechless, so we sat. I held my Aunt’s hand or she held mine and it seemed to help her. She stopped crying. That was the time they finished cleaning the table around us, and I wasn’t going to even think about what they thought or had overheard, but then my mom was coming to the table. She had a pitcher of margaritas in hand. The waitress she’d been talking to was following her with water and a basket of something to eat. Bread maybe?
I had no clue where my Uncle was, or my cousins.
And at the moment, I didn’t care.
My mom sat the margaritas down, sitting directly across from us. She took in her sister, then met my gaze. Hers was questioning, wondering how I was?
I gave her a small smile because what else was there to do?
I said, “We need to do this more.”
Both my aunt and mom frowned at me.
“Us three females. Maybe a margarita for me too? I think we need some lady nights.”
My Aunt started laughing.
My mom grinned back at me. “We’ll do it next Saturday night at our house. The boys can fend for themselves for a night.”
My aunt was smoothing her hand up and down my arm. It felt nice, soothing. I’m sure she was more soothing herself, though. “I think that is a marvelous idea.”
I announced it because I wanted to let them know, so they didn’t need to worry anymore, “I’m not going to say anything today.” I looked at both of them. “Maybe tomorrow, but not tonight. There’s enough drama going on.”
I saw both sag in relief.
We sat, sipped our drinks (mom let me have a small one) and Uncle Nick never came to the table. No one asked where he went, but the guys joined us thirty minutes later. All of them joined us. Scout and Cohen too. They sat at the end, and I didn’t look at them. At this moment, after finding out about the affair, Scout’s hatred seemed petty to me.
Everything seemed petty to me at that moment.
What was important came back to focus, and that was my aunt, my mom, my cousins, and just enjoying the rest of the night. So that’s what I did.
Unknown: What’s your damage?
I got the text after dinner, after we rode back on the boat, and after my mom and I went home. I was getting ready for bed when my phone’s alert sounded.
Grabbing it, I laid down on bed and texted back.
Me: Who is this?
Unknown: Fucking guess. You cost me three friends today.
Oh.
I took a breath. I’d need it for some patience.
Me: You owe me an apology. It’s your fault you were a bitch and not trusting Clint. He said he vouched for me.
I programmed his number and name in.
The Dick: I’ve never met a chick to be ‘cool.’ I didn’t believe him.
Me: That’s your bad. How it went down today isn’t on me. That’s all on Cohen.
I waited, my heart starting to pound, but I didn’t know what from. Nerves? Anxiety? Getting ready for a fight?
I didn’t understand Scout Raiden. That was obvious. He came to the table at Pike’s, and everyone was subdued. My cousins were fake polite, and only Clint told me he’d tell me later what happened. But I knew him. He wouldn’t. Whatever did happen, none of my cousins would tell me.
I was feeling the nervous flutters in my tummy, but I texted him.
Me: What happened today?
The Dick calling.
I yelped, almost dropping the phone, but I hit accept and laid back, firmly ignoring how the flutters moved up to my chest.
His voice came over, sounding more mystified than anything, “They didn’t tell you?”
I swallowed, my throat feeling scratchy. “Clint said he’d tell me later, but I don’t think he will.”
He grunted. “Your cousins said their piece. I said mine. Everyone knows where we all are now, but I texted you because shit’s going to come out about Amalia. People are going to talk, and I gotta know if you’re going to feel a certain way in a weak moment and share with your new friend Gem about what you saw and heard in that locker room. None of this is about me, or you, or whatever fucking issue you have with me. It’s about Amalia. She’s fifteen.”
A different sort of pang went through me, splitting me in half.
Old demons and haunts were rising up in me.
“I had a boyfriend where I used to be.” My heart picked up. What was I doing? I never talked about him, ever. But I heard myself adding, my voice nearly breaking, “And he hurt me, a lot. Reason I’m sharing is because I started dating him when I was fifteen so no, I’m not going to say shit, ever.”
With that said, I hung up.
Me: Don’t call me again.
Me: Also, I saved you in my phone as The Dick. Had a moment, felt a certain way, and wanted to share that with you.
***
The Dick was right.
Two topics making the gossip channels were Amalia’s pregnancy. It was heard that she was seen visiting a Planned Parenthood center over the weekend, and the other topic was the apparent friendship breakdown between the Maroney Triplets and the other two stud muffins sitting at the top of the social ladder: Scout Raiden and Cohen Rodriguez.
It took until the afternoon for people to start wondering if both were connected and Gem was the first to ask if one of the triplets was Amalia’s baby daddy.
I legit wanted to hit my forehead against the nearest wall, or desk, or anything really.
I had no idea that would be the possible consequence but no one was talking about Caleb Rice anymore. There was that, at least.
“So…” Gem was chewing her lip, and I knew she was wondering if we were good enough friends to pull a friend card and demand to be ‘in the know.’ I didn’t even know what to say at this moment, so seeing my cousins leaving school, I grabbed my stuff. “I gotta go.”
We were in my last class, and the teacher wasn’t here. I’d learned this week he liked to use worksheets, a lot. He’d come in, give us some notes in a lecture, then the worksheets were handed out. We were supposed to take the rest of the class to fill them out, needing to hand them in. I guess it was his way of making sure we were doing our work so I thrust mine at Gem. “Fill it out for me? Hand it in? I gotta go.”
“But--”
I was out the door.
To be honest, I didn’t care if she did the worksheet for me or not. If she didn’t, I’d deal. If she did, then awesome.
They were in the parking lot by the time I grabbed my stuff from my locker and got outside. “Hey!”
All three paused, waiting by Trenton’s truck.
“What are you guys doing?”
Alex folded his arms over his chest, tipping his chin towards the school. “Stay and listen to their shit? No, thanks.”
So they talked.
I gave a nod. “Right. So, what’s your plan then?”
Trenton spoke up, “We’re waiting a week, then telling people none of us ever touched Cohen’s little sister.”
Clint grimaced. “Or even think it. That’s sick.”
Alex added, “People will start wondering, but we’re not taking a bullet for Rice. But we’re giving a week, for Amalia because she doesn’t deserve any of this.”
Clint was watching me. “You started dating your ex when you were fifteen, right?”
I would have swallowed bark at that moment. That’s how it felt to acknowledge that. “Yeah.” Though I’d said as much on the phone to The Dick. Why was it harder saying it to them, but not a stranger I didn’t give a shit about?
I shifted on my feet, feeling uncomfortable. A knot had dropped to my stomach. “Is she in school today?”
Clint shook his head. “She dropped out last Friday.”
There was that small break, at least.
“We’re ditching early, heading to our house. Wanna come?”
“Don’t you guys have football practice?”
“Not till four today.”
I glanced back at my bike, but Clint shoved off from Alex’s truck. He went over, and picked up my bike. Bringing it over, he put it in the back, then hopped up and extended a hand my way. I didn’t need it, grabbing a hold and climbing up, then over. Alex got in the front and Trenton was pulling out of the parking lot when I saw Scout and Cohen leaving early too.
Clint was watching me when I turned back. He said, “He asked for your number, said he was going to apologize. He call you?”
Well shitters. He texted. He called. He didn’t apologize, but I didn’t want to cause any more waves.
“He did.”
He gave a nod, and settled back.
We drove right past the other two.
Feeling an itch that I didn’t like, I took my phone out a block away.
Me: You need to apologize to me.
The Dick: “For what,” said The Dick.
Me: So funny. Apologize, now.
The Dick: Gonna shock you, but …
I waited, expecting a gif of a middle finger.
The Dick: I’m sorry for threatening you and your cousins.
Well. That was surprising, and I didn’t feel so bad for lying to Clint just now.
I sent him the middle finger gif instead.
The Dick: I just apologized. Wtf?
Me: I owe that to you for all this mess. You should’ve just believed my cousin.
I waited, holding my phone, but he never responded.
***
The response came later that night, after football practice and after I decided to hang out most of the night. My phone buzzed at the end of Captain America, the first movie.
The Dick: I’m not that bad of a guy.
I should’ve been hesitating. I shouldn’t have been responding.
I replied back, right away, and I was going to blame my hormones. That was it.
Me: You’ve given me death stares since day one. Then you threatened me, my cousins.
Me: Credit to you, you apologized after I demanded one. Most assholes would try to blame me somehow.
The Dick: Again, I’m not that bad of a guy.
Me: Jury’s out. I only trust my cousins.
The Dick: Fair enough. How are the guys? I heard the rumors.
Me: Ask them.
The Dick: Jesus. Give me a break.
Me: They’re waiting a week, then rectifying everyone’s stupid assumptions. Said they’re doing that for Cohen’s sister.
The Dick: That’s decent of them. Everyone will know it’s Rice anyways. She’s only been with one guy.
Me: Is she a nice girl?
The Dick: yeah. Sweet. Idolizes her brother.
Me: And you?
The Dick: I don’t know.
The Dick: That guy you mentioned before, he’s the one who held you down? From what you said in the locker room. He beat you?
Oh man.
I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
But I typed back, my fingers feeling wooden.
Me: Yeah.
The Dick: He the reason you moved here?
A fist was in my chest, taking hold of my organs. It was slowly circling, pulling everything tight with it, twisting it all up.
Me: Part of the reason.
What was I doing?
I wanted to bang the guy, not befriend him. I hated him.
I mean, he was The Dick… right?
What was I doing?
My phone buzzed, but I didn’t look at it. We were starting the Winter Soldier and I didn’t look at my phone for the rest of my night.
He got enough from me.
I got the text after dinner, after we rode back on the boat, and after my mom and I went home. I was getting ready for bed when my phone’s alert sounded.
Grabbing it, I laid down on bed and texted back.
Me: Who is this?
Unknown: Fucking guess. You cost me three friends today.
Oh.
I took a breath. I’d need it for some patience.
Me: You owe me an apology. It’s your fault you were a bitch and not trusting Clint. He said he vouched for me.
I programmed his number and name in.
The Dick: I’ve never met a chick to be ‘cool.’ I didn’t believe him.
Me: That’s your bad. How it went down today isn’t on me. That’s all on Cohen.
I waited, my heart starting to pound, but I didn’t know what from. Nerves? Anxiety? Getting ready for a fight?
I didn’t understand Scout Raiden. That was obvious. He came to the table at Pike’s, and everyone was subdued. My cousins were fake polite, and only Clint told me he’d tell me later what happened. But I knew him. He wouldn’t. Whatever did happen, none of my cousins would tell me.
I was feeling the nervous flutters in my tummy, but I texted him.
Me: What happened today?
The Dick calling.
I yelped, almost dropping the phone, but I hit accept and laid back, firmly ignoring how the flutters moved up to my chest.
His voice came over, sounding more mystified than anything, “They didn’t tell you?”
I swallowed, my throat feeling scratchy. “Clint said he’d tell me later, but I don’t think he will.”
He grunted. “Your cousins said their piece. I said mine. Everyone knows where we all are now, but I texted you because shit’s going to come out about Amalia. People are going to talk, and I gotta know if you’re going to feel a certain way in a weak moment and share with your new friend Gem about what you saw and heard in that locker room. None of this is about me, or you, or whatever fucking issue you have with me. It’s about Amalia. She’s fifteen.”
A different sort of pang went through me, splitting me in half.
Old demons and haunts were rising up in me.
“I had a boyfriend where I used to be.” My heart picked up. What was I doing? I never talked about him, ever. But I heard myself adding, my voice nearly breaking, “And he hurt me, a lot. Reason I’m sharing is because I started dating him when I was fifteen so no, I’m not going to say shit, ever.”
With that said, I hung up.
Me: Don’t call me again.
Me: Also, I saved you in my phone as The Dick. Had a moment, felt a certain way, and wanted to share that with you.
***
The Dick was right.
Two topics making the gossip channels were Amalia’s pregnancy. It was heard that she was seen visiting a Planned Parenthood center over the weekend, and the other topic was the apparent friendship breakdown between the Maroney Triplets and the other two stud muffins sitting at the top of the social ladder: Scout Raiden and Cohen Rodriguez.
It took until the afternoon for people to start wondering if both were connected and Gem was the first to ask if one of the triplets was Amalia’s baby daddy.
I legit wanted to hit my forehead against the nearest wall, or desk, or anything really.
I had no idea that would be the possible consequence but no one was talking about Caleb Rice anymore. There was that, at least.
“So…” Gem was chewing her lip, and I knew she was wondering if we were good enough friends to pull a friend card and demand to be ‘in the know.’ I didn’t even know what to say at this moment, so seeing my cousins leaving school, I grabbed my stuff. “I gotta go.”
We were in my last class, and the teacher wasn’t here. I’d learned this week he liked to use worksheets, a lot. He’d come in, give us some notes in a lecture, then the worksheets were handed out. We were supposed to take the rest of the class to fill them out, needing to hand them in. I guess it was his way of making sure we were doing our work so I thrust mine at Gem. “Fill it out for me? Hand it in? I gotta go.”
“But--”
I was out the door.
To be honest, I didn’t care if she did the worksheet for me or not. If she didn’t, I’d deal. If she did, then awesome.
They were in the parking lot by the time I grabbed my stuff from my locker and got outside. “Hey!”
All three paused, waiting by Trenton’s truck.
“What are you guys doing?”
Alex folded his arms over his chest, tipping his chin towards the school. “Stay and listen to their shit? No, thanks.”
So they talked.
I gave a nod. “Right. So, what’s your plan then?”
Trenton spoke up, “We’re waiting a week, then telling people none of us ever touched Cohen’s little sister.”
Clint grimaced. “Or even think it. That’s sick.”
Alex added, “People will start wondering, but we’re not taking a bullet for Rice. But we’re giving a week, for Amalia because she doesn’t deserve any of this.”
Clint was watching me. “You started dating your ex when you were fifteen, right?”
I would have swallowed bark at that moment. That’s how it felt to acknowledge that. “Yeah.” Though I’d said as much on the phone to The Dick. Why was it harder saying it to them, but not a stranger I didn’t give a shit about?
I shifted on my feet, feeling uncomfortable. A knot had dropped to my stomach. “Is she in school today?”
Clint shook his head. “She dropped out last Friday.”
There was that small break, at least.
“We’re ditching early, heading to our house. Wanna come?”
“Don’t you guys have football practice?”
“Not till four today.”
I glanced back at my bike, but Clint shoved off from Alex’s truck. He went over, and picked up my bike. Bringing it over, he put it in the back, then hopped up and extended a hand my way. I didn’t need it, grabbing a hold and climbing up, then over. Alex got in the front and Trenton was pulling out of the parking lot when I saw Scout and Cohen leaving early too.
Clint was watching me when I turned back. He said, “He asked for your number, said he was going to apologize. He call you?”
Well shitters. He texted. He called. He didn’t apologize, but I didn’t want to cause any more waves.
“He did.”
He gave a nod, and settled back.
We drove right past the other two.
Feeling an itch that I didn’t like, I took my phone out a block away.
Me: You need to apologize to me.
The Dick: “For what,” said The Dick.
Me: So funny. Apologize, now.
The Dick: Gonna shock you, but …
I waited, expecting a gif of a middle finger.
The Dick: I’m sorry for threatening you and your cousins.
Well. That was surprising, and I didn’t feel so bad for lying to Clint just now.
I sent him the middle finger gif instead.
The Dick: I just apologized. Wtf?
Me: I owe that to you for all this mess. You should’ve just believed my cousin.
I waited, holding my phone, but he never responded.
***
The response came later that night, after football practice and after I decided to hang out most of the night. My phone buzzed at the end of Captain America, the first movie.
The Dick: I’m not that bad of a guy.
I should’ve been hesitating. I shouldn’t have been responding.
I replied back, right away, and I was going to blame my hormones. That was it.
Me: You’ve given me death stares since day one. Then you threatened me, my cousins.
Me: Credit to you, you apologized after I demanded one. Most assholes would try to blame me somehow.
The Dick: Again, I’m not that bad of a guy.
Me: Jury’s out. I only trust my cousins.
The Dick: Fair enough. How are the guys? I heard the rumors.
Me: Ask them.
The Dick: Jesus. Give me a break.
Me: They’re waiting a week, then rectifying everyone’s stupid assumptions. Said they’re doing that for Cohen’s sister.
The Dick: That’s decent of them. Everyone will know it’s Rice anyways. She’s only been with one guy.
Me: Is she a nice girl?
The Dick: yeah. Sweet. Idolizes her brother.
Me: And you?
The Dick: I don’t know.
The Dick: That guy you mentioned before, he’s the one who held you down? From what you said in the locker room. He beat you?
Oh man.
I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
But I typed back, my fingers feeling wooden.
Me: Yeah.
The Dick: He the reason you moved here?
A fist was in my chest, taking hold of my organs. It was slowly circling, pulling everything tight with it, twisting it all up.
Me: Part of the reason.
What was I doing?
I wanted to bang the guy, not befriend him. I hated him.
I mean, he was The Dick… right?
What was I doing?
My phone buzzed, but I didn’t look at it. We were starting the Winter Soldier and I didn’t look at my phone for the rest of my night.
He got enough from me.
My phone started going crazy as soon as I woke up.
Six.
Six ten.
Six thirty-two.
Seven.
Seven twenty-eight.
I saw the texts and the missed calls, but I had a sinking feeling and I don’t know how to explain it, but I just knew it wouldn’t be good. I procrastinated. It wasn’t until I was leaving the house, feeling on autopilot when I took a breath and was ready to face whatever it was.
Gem was my first text.
Gem: Holy shit. Call me! ASAP!
Unknown: U crazy cunt. Leave our school or we gonna make you leave.
Unknown: psycho bitch
Unknown: U shld die, thanx
I was getting screenshots sent to me, and each one had my stomach shrinking more and more until I was all shriveled up on the inside. I was seeing the headlines. I knew what each article was about.
Boyfriend Murders Father, Daughter Blamed!
Love Gone Murder?!
She Told Me To Do It!
She’s To Blame?
High School Boyfriend Tragedy.
Each headline was wrong and twisted. Sick.
They also were as hard to read as the first time I saw them. I felt punched with each one, right back to that night when Max was holding me down. Then my dad got in the way.
My phone was ringing. I saw it, felt it shaking in my hands, but I couldn’t hear it. I could only hear the whoosh of my blood, the sound of waves crashing over me, and I was spinning. Right there, in our backyard. I was going to go down.
My knees started shaking.
Everything around me started spinning.
I started seeing flashing lights.
My head would get woozy, and then I’d go down.
It's happened enough to me over the last year.
I knew the precursors and this time I couldn’t stop it.
I was going down.
Then, firm arms were around me and I was being carried back inside.
The screen door was opened. Someone else was there.
“What’s going on? Ramsay!” my mom’s voice came from a distance.
I heard pounding.
My mom’s hands on my face.
I was being lowered down, put on a couch?
I blinked a few times, waiting for the light-headedness to go away.
“She needs to sit up,” my mom murmured, sitting beside me and helping me.
She was right.
The room was still going around me at a breakneck speed, but I started to push myself up. A hand on the couch. My feet went down to the floor.
My mom’s arm wrapped around my back and she was holding me to her side. She was brushing back my hair, touching my forehead. I felt her cheek resting against there. “You okay, honey?”
God.
Everyone at school knew.
I croaked out, “Yeah.”
That’s when I realized the room was quiet except for my mom.
My cousins wouldn’t have been quiet.
I looked up--Scout and Cohen were there, standing a few feet away. Cohen seemed shocked, pale and Scout was just locked down. His eyes looked hard. His jaw was clenched. His phone started blowing up. So was mine, but I left it alone. I didn’t want to see what else was getting sent to me.
He cursed and moved away, leaving the kitchen, going back outside.
“You feeling better?”
I nodded, shakily. “Yeah.”
She was smoothing back more hair, hair that didn’t need to be smoothed back. “I got so scared seeing those boys carry you inside. Did you faint outside?”
I looked up at Cohen, who was pressing a trembling hand to his own forehead. He slumped down on a chair behind him, his elbows going to his knees. He caught his head in his hands and leaned forward.
Alrighty then.
He was firmly not looking at me, also firmly looking too stressed to answer my own questions.
The door squeaked, swinging open and then shut again.
Scout was walking my way, firm and still hard eyes on me. He held out his phone. “Tell your cousins to chill the fuck out.”
“What?” But the phone was there, and I took it, pressing it to my ear. “Hello?”
“We were late this morning and we’re at school. Heard the shit going down and Alex called Scout cause of something else, but he said you were fine. As if it was totally normal that we’d be calling him to ask how our cousin is. So, I gotta ask, but what the fuck? He’s at your house? Why is he the one telling us that you’re okay?”
Oh, boy.
Clint was two seconds away from ditching school again and heading my way. This was ‘I’ll tear down anything and anyone in my way if you get between me’ mood. I knew he’d do it, too. He had done it with me right beside him. One time we crashed into a cop car. That was the day Alex broke a leg and we didn’t know how bad it was. The cop arrested Clint at the hospital.
We were both underage, too.
I was stalling.
This was the explanation time. I shot my mom a wary look, and seeing it, she straightened, her hand falling away from my forehead.
“I didn’t read my texts until I was leaving the house. Then, I did and well;” I glanced up at Scout, who only looked more fierce for some reason. “I was going to faint and whoosh, Scout caught me or Cohen caught me. I’m not sure. So that’s what he was saying, that I’m fine. He carried me inside.”
I prepared myself, knowing an explosion was coming.
Scout’s phone was plucked away before I could hear it, and he growled into it, “I handled your shit, sent word out last night about you and your brothers. Then I saw the other shit happening this morning, and we were driving past. I thought I’d swing in. Since she did us a solid, I’d offer any help her way. She was starting to sway when we rolled in. That’s all. Don’t read anything more into this.”
Don’t read anything more into this…
Right. Because there wasn’t anything more to read about it.
Right?
Right.
So, right.
Doubly right.
My God.
Word was out about me.
Now everyone would know.
Wait. Correction.
Everyone already did know.
“Honey. Sweetie.” My mom had edged close again, her hand touching my leg. “What is going on?”
My stomach was threatening to upheave. “Everyone knows.” This was the hard part, the hardest. I was being pulled apart inside. “About Max. And dad.”
I closed my eyes, unable to see the same storm hit my mom. It was always the same.
She’d looked stunned, as if struck, and then the pain would fill in.
I’d seen it happen so many times over the trial and now… I couldn’t see it again.
I wanted to die a little more each time it happened.
I’d forgotten about this, about what this felt like. Now I was realizing I should’ve appreciated the reprieve we’d both gotten. That was over now.
I heard Scout say, “Take off,” to Cohen. He didn’t bark it, just said it quietly and with a nod, eyes so sad, Cohen got up and left. He was pulling his phone out as he was going through the door.
My mom was sitting rigid next to me, but like a coward, I still couldn’t bring myself to seeing her.
I looked at Scout instead. Some of the fierceness had faded, but it was brimming there, under his surface.
He sat down on the chair Cohen vacated and rested his elbows on his knees too. The difference was that Cohen’s head had folded. He didn’t want to look at me.
Scout stared right at me, never wavering, never looking back.
I flinched, realizing this look was like a lifeline to me.
What was that about--no. I didn’t care. I didn’t have it in me to question it. I was going to take hold of it, hold onto it as long as it lasted.
Then I heard my mom crying, and I couldn’t hold on anymore.
My eyes filled with tears, and I was starting to crumple. It was starting to be my go-to response, but Scout was up and in my space. He took my hand and pulled me up. “Ms. Williams, do you mind if I have a word with your daughter?”
“Uh. Yeah. Of course. Upstairs. That’s fine.” She sounded stricken, but then Scout was leading me by the hand upstairs. I thought he’d take to my room. He bypassed, going through it and right into my bathroom. He kicked a door shut. The bathroom door was next, and he flicked on the shower water.
“Wha--”
He didn’t answer, tearing off my backpack and plucking my phone out of my hands. He ran his hands down my pants.
“What are you doing?”
I got that question out right before he straightened, a look came over him, and he placed a hand in my chest. He pushed me back, right under the shower spray. It was freezing cold and I gasped, surging back at him. “What are you doing?!” I half screamed.
He shoved me back, hitting the water so it’d go warm.
“You fucking asshole!”
He held me against the shower wall, and then the water started changing temp.
I held still, letting it drench me, and now understanding he was checking to see if I had anything in my pockets.
Fuck. My shoes-- no. I had sandals. They were fine.
My clothes were drenched. My hair. I had a little make-up on this morning, feeling it was necessary for some reason.
When he saw I wasn’t leaving, he withheld his hand, and raised it to lean against the top of the sliding door. “It’s the only thing that stops it, from going into shock. You gotta think clearly if you’re going to handle this, and sorry, but you haven’t been handling shit since you got here.”
I grimaced, feeling slapped with each statement he was saying.
But he was right.
And I hated that.
“What do you know about this shit?”
His eyes cooled. “More than you might know.” His eyes narrowed, and he tilted his chin up towards me. “You thinking more clearly?”
Damn him, but I was.
The result was a good one, a needed one, but I didn’t appreciate his delivery. And as he stepped back and I got out, I shared this sentiment with him when he handed over a towel. He chuckled, leaving. “I’ll keep that in consideration for the next time you’re turning into a frozen vegetable.” He opened the door, saying over his shoulder. “I’ll be out here while you do whatever you need. Try not to go back to your vegetable state, wouldya?”
He shut the door.
I growled, and stomped my feet, because...well, because I wanted to.
A second later, I cursed, knowing I probably looked and sounded like a five year old throwing a tantrum. But, dammit. Okay, then. Damage control. He was right. I needed a clear head because I couldn’t keep breaking down.
Seeing a pile of clothes in the corner, I stripped and pulled them on.
Everything was balled up, and I headed out, ignoring Scout who was now lounging on my bed, and went to the hallway. I was putting them in the dryer when my mom called up from the stairs, “Are you okay, honey?”
Instant guilt. Her voice, that one question, and bam, it was over me like she upended a bucket of it and I was drenched once more.
I stalled, taking a moment, and then replying, “I’m fine, Mom. We’ll be down in a second.”
A stair squeaked and her voice came a little clearer, “To my knowledge, you and Mr. Raiden weren’t close friends yesterday. Do I need to intervene?”
That eased some of the guilt. She was being Mama Bear.
I grinned, setting the drier and taking a step so I could see. “I’m good, Mom. For real.”
Her eyes were stormy and not trusting, but she gave a slow nod. “Alright. You have ten minutes, then I’m driving you to school.”
Take note, she did not offer me another skip day.
Yep. Scout was right. I needed to start facing this shit head-on. My mom was of the same sentiment.
I went back to the room.
Scout was still there, and I went in to grab a long-sleeve shirt. “You here for an explanation?”
His gaze flickered before he stood up. “Nope. Just what I said. You bike, right? I’ll give you a ride.”
That was it?
I faltered behind him as he walked past without a backwards look, heading downstairs. A second later, I heard, “You coming?”
My voice came out strangled, “Yeah.”
But dammit, I was.
If anything else, his whole demeanor put things in perspective.
I’d fallen apart before.
I’d been strong, then fell apart and I couldn’t keep falling apart.
Not here. Not in a new school. Not where my cousins went to school.
I had family here. I wasn’t alone.
“I can’t believe you’re doing this to Max. You’re such a slut.”
“Waste of space.”
“I’d fuck her, but I ain’t going to trial for that piece.”
Male laughter.
Female laughter.
The whispers.
The snide comments.
The openly asshole comments.
Then the threats.
The names written on my locker.
The letters. The notes. The spit wads. The shoving. The tripping. The elbows in my body as I walked by, as they walked by, as I was just standing in place. The tweets. The DMs. All the ways to get at me, they did it.
Max Prestige came from a long line of Prestiges, who ran Cedra Valley. I found out how untouchable my boyfriend was, even after he stalked me, beat me, threatened me, and then killed my father.
But I’d left that behind, and here we go again.
Take two, motherfucker.
***
We pulled in, and it was after the first period started. I didn’t know how late we were, but the lot was empty of people. I knew the hallway would be too, which was somewhat of a blessing.
Scout put his engine into park and let it run. He scanned the lot before turning to me. “I don’t want anything twisted here. Full cards on the table. I don’t like you.”
I laughed because damn. Honesty, huh?
“I don’t much like you either.”
He grunted, a faint grin there. “I know. You wanted to tear me apart on the first day.”
I grunted back because that was true.
“But you’re fucking hot.”
God. I was getting whiplash here.
“And if the chance popped up, I’d pound you.” He kept on, “Full-on. I’d do it rough and I’d make you come three times.”
Serious serious whiplash.
I shook my head. “What a pick-me-up after the shit I’m about to face.”
“I figure you’re going in there and you’re going to face a lot of fake shit. Not me. You know where I stand. I’m not trying to hit on you here or be crude in anyway. I, just, felt you should get some straight-up truth. I also know you feel the same.”
I looked over, lingering.
I didn’t question him or claim otherwise. With his looks, where he was, where he was going, he wasn’t dumb. He knew when a girl was hot for him. I turned back to the window, saying faintly, “Nice knowing where we both stand.”
“What I told Clint on the phone is true. You can stick to my side if you want to in there. I know you have your cousins, but if you need a break from their overprotective shit, I’m an ally in this situation. No one’s going to say fuck to you if you’re by me, and if you’re with me, then you and I both know the situation. We are not friends. I’ve got my friends. I don’t want anymore, but you know the deal.”
“No bullshit, huh?”
“Not with me.”
I sighed because in a way, I appreciated what he was saying.
I asked, “Who did this? Who found out about Max?”
“You’ve been here and mostly sticking to us guys. My guess, some petty bitches. Every school has them. Your friend might know.”
Gem. She texted and I hadn’t called her back.
“All my friends turned on me--”
“Nope.” He turned the engine off and took his keys out. “Not your friend. We’re not doing that. You want silence and knowing someone won’t turn on you, then seek me out. Want to talk about your feelings, go somewhere else.”
He was out after that, grabbing his bag from the back and I was trying to keep from my mouth sweeping up dust on the floor.
Jesus. Christ.
He wasn’t even waiting for me, walking to school without looking back.
A petty side of me wanted to stay in his Jeep and make him wait to lock it. I could wait hours if I wanted, but he got to the door and went in. He truly wasn’t waiting.
Well, then.
Guess what he said he meant.
No friendship. Silence. Ally. And fucking, if I wanted.
Six.
Six ten.
Six thirty-two.
Seven.
Seven twenty-eight.
I saw the texts and the missed calls, but I had a sinking feeling and I don’t know how to explain it, but I just knew it wouldn’t be good. I procrastinated. It wasn’t until I was leaving the house, feeling on autopilot when I took a breath and was ready to face whatever it was.
Gem was my first text.
Gem: Holy shit. Call me! ASAP!
Unknown: U crazy cunt. Leave our school or we gonna make you leave.
Unknown: psycho bitch
Unknown: U shld die, thanx
I was getting screenshots sent to me, and each one had my stomach shrinking more and more until I was all shriveled up on the inside. I was seeing the headlines. I knew what each article was about.
Boyfriend Murders Father, Daughter Blamed!
Love Gone Murder?!
She Told Me To Do It!
She’s To Blame?
High School Boyfriend Tragedy.
Each headline was wrong and twisted. Sick.
They also were as hard to read as the first time I saw them. I felt punched with each one, right back to that night when Max was holding me down. Then my dad got in the way.
My phone was ringing. I saw it, felt it shaking in my hands, but I couldn’t hear it. I could only hear the whoosh of my blood, the sound of waves crashing over me, and I was spinning. Right there, in our backyard. I was going to go down.
My knees started shaking.
Everything around me started spinning.
I started seeing flashing lights.
My head would get woozy, and then I’d go down.
It's happened enough to me over the last year.
I knew the precursors and this time I couldn’t stop it.
I was going down.
Then, firm arms were around me and I was being carried back inside.
The screen door was opened. Someone else was there.
“What’s going on? Ramsay!” my mom’s voice came from a distance.
I heard pounding.
My mom’s hands on my face.
I was being lowered down, put on a couch?
I blinked a few times, waiting for the light-headedness to go away.
“She needs to sit up,” my mom murmured, sitting beside me and helping me.
She was right.
The room was still going around me at a breakneck speed, but I started to push myself up. A hand on the couch. My feet went down to the floor.
My mom’s arm wrapped around my back and she was holding me to her side. She was brushing back my hair, touching my forehead. I felt her cheek resting against there. “You okay, honey?”
God.
Everyone at school knew.
I croaked out, “Yeah.”
That’s when I realized the room was quiet except for my mom.
My cousins wouldn’t have been quiet.
I looked up--Scout and Cohen were there, standing a few feet away. Cohen seemed shocked, pale and Scout was just locked down. His eyes looked hard. His jaw was clenched. His phone started blowing up. So was mine, but I left it alone. I didn’t want to see what else was getting sent to me.
He cursed and moved away, leaving the kitchen, going back outside.
“You feeling better?”
I nodded, shakily. “Yeah.”
She was smoothing back more hair, hair that didn’t need to be smoothed back. “I got so scared seeing those boys carry you inside. Did you faint outside?”
I looked up at Cohen, who was pressing a trembling hand to his own forehead. He slumped down on a chair behind him, his elbows going to his knees. He caught his head in his hands and leaned forward.
Alrighty then.
He was firmly not looking at me, also firmly looking too stressed to answer my own questions.
The door squeaked, swinging open and then shut again.
Scout was walking my way, firm and still hard eyes on me. He held out his phone. “Tell your cousins to chill the fuck out.”
“What?” But the phone was there, and I took it, pressing it to my ear. “Hello?”
“We were late this morning and we’re at school. Heard the shit going down and Alex called Scout cause of something else, but he said you were fine. As if it was totally normal that we’d be calling him to ask how our cousin is. So, I gotta ask, but what the fuck? He’s at your house? Why is he the one telling us that you’re okay?”
Oh, boy.
Clint was two seconds away from ditching school again and heading my way. This was ‘I’ll tear down anything and anyone in my way if you get between me’ mood. I knew he’d do it, too. He had done it with me right beside him. One time we crashed into a cop car. That was the day Alex broke a leg and we didn’t know how bad it was. The cop arrested Clint at the hospital.
We were both underage, too.
I was stalling.
This was the explanation time. I shot my mom a wary look, and seeing it, she straightened, her hand falling away from my forehead.
“I didn’t read my texts until I was leaving the house. Then, I did and well;” I glanced up at Scout, who only looked more fierce for some reason. “I was going to faint and whoosh, Scout caught me or Cohen caught me. I’m not sure. So that’s what he was saying, that I’m fine. He carried me inside.”
I prepared myself, knowing an explosion was coming.
Scout’s phone was plucked away before I could hear it, and he growled into it, “I handled your shit, sent word out last night about you and your brothers. Then I saw the other shit happening this morning, and we were driving past. I thought I’d swing in. Since she did us a solid, I’d offer any help her way. She was starting to sway when we rolled in. That’s all. Don’t read anything more into this.”
Don’t read anything more into this…
Right. Because there wasn’t anything more to read about it.
Right?
Right.
So, right.
Doubly right.
My God.
Word was out about me.
Now everyone would know.
Wait. Correction.
Everyone already did know.
“Honey. Sweetie.” My mom had edged close again, her hand touching my leg. “What is going on?”
My stomach was threatening to upheave. “Everyone knows.” This was the hard part, the hardest. I was being pulled apart inside. “About Max. And dad.”
I closed my eyes, unable to see the same storm hit my mom. It was always the same.
She’d looked stunned, as if struck, and then the pain would fill in.
I’d seen it happen so many times over the trial and now… I couldn’t see it again.
I wanted to die a little more each time it happened.
I’d forgotten about this, about what this felt like. Now I was realizing I should’ve appreciated the reprieve we’d both gotten. That was over now.
I heard Scout say, “Take off,” to Cohen. He didn’t bark it, just said it quietly and with a nod, eyes so sad, Cohen got up and left. He was pulling his phone out as he was going through the door.
My mom was sitting rigid next to me, but like a coward, I still couldn’t bring myself to seeing her.
I looked at Scout instead. Some of the fierceness had faded, but it was brimming there, under his surface.
He sat down on the chair Cohen vacated and rested his elbows on his knees too. The difference was that Cohen’s head had folded. He didn’t want to look at me.
Scout stared right at me, never wavering, never looking back.
I flinched, realizing this look was like a lifeline to me.
What was that about--no. I didn’t care. I didn’t have it in me to question it. I was going to take hold of it, hold onto it as long as it lasted.
Then I heard my mom crying, and I couldn’t hold on anymore.
My eyes filled with tears, and I was starting to crumple. It was starting to be my go-to response, but Scout was up and in my space. He took my hand and pulled me up. “Ms. Williams, do you mind if I have a word with your daughter?”
“Uh. Yeah. Of course. Upstairs. That’s fine.” She sounded stricken, but then Scout was leading me by the hand upstairs. I thought he’d take to my room. He bypassed, going through it and right into my bathroom. He kicked a door shut. The bathroom door was next, and he flicked on the shower water.
“Wha--”
He didn’t answer, tearing off my backpack and plucking my phone out of my hands. He ran his hands down my pants.
“What are you doing?”
I got that question out right before he straightened, a look came over him, and he placed a hand in my chest. He pushed me back, right under the shower spray. It was freezing cold and I gasped, surging back at him. “What are you doing?!” I half screamed.
He shoved me back, hitting the water so it’d go warm.
“You fucking asshole!”
He held me against the shower wall, and then the water started changing temp.
I held still, letting it drench me, and now understanding he was checking to see if I had anything in my pockets.
Fuck. My shoes-- no. I had sandals. They were fine.
My clothes were drenched. My hair. I had a little make-up on this morning, feeling it was necessary for some reason.
When he saw I wasn’t leaving, he withheld his hand, and raised it to lean against the top of the sliding door. “It’s the only thing that stops it, from going into shock. You gotta think clearly if you’re going to handle this, and sorry, but you haven’t been handling shit since you got here.”
I grimaced, feeling slapped with each statement he was saying.
But he was right.
And I hated that.
“What do you know about this shit?”
His eyes cooled. “More than you might know.” His eyes narrowed, and he tilted his chin up towards me. “You thinking more clearly?”
Damn him, but I was.
The result was a good one, a needed one, but I didn’t appreciate his delivery. And as he stepped back and I got out, I shared this sentiment with him when he handed over a towel. He chuckled, leaving. “I’ll keep that in consideration for the next time you’re turning into a frozen vegetable.” He opened the door, saying over his shoulder. “I’ll be out here while you do whatever you need. Try not to go back to your vegetable state, wouldya?”
He shut the door.
I growled, and stomped my feet, because...well, because I wanted to.
A second later, I cursed, knowing I probably looked and sounded like a five year old throwing a tantrum. But, dammit. Okay, then. Damage control. He was right. I needed a clear head because I couldn’t keep breaking down.
Seeing a pile of clothes in the corner, I stripped and pulled them on.
Everything was balled up, and I headed out, ignoring Scout who was now lounging on my bed, and went to the hallway. I was putting them in the dryer when my mom called up from the stairs, “Are you okay, honey?”
Instant guilt. Her voice, that one question, and bam, it was over me like she upended a bucket of it and I was drenched once more.
I stalled, taking a moment, and then replying, “I’m fine, Mom. We’ll be down in a second.”
A stair squeaked and her voice came a little clearer, “To my knowledge, you and Mr. Raiden weren’t close friends yesterday. Do I need to intervene?”
That eased some of the guilt. She was being Mama Bear.
I grinned, setting the drier and taking a step so I could see. “I’m good, Mom. For real.”
Her eyes were stormy and not trusting, but she gave a slow nod. “Alright. You have ten minutes, then I’m driving you to school.”
Take note, she did not offer me another skip day.
Yep. Scout was right. I needed to start facing this shit head-on. My mom was of the same sentiment.
I went back to the room.
Scout was still there, and I went in to grab a long-sleeve shirt. “You here for an explanation?”
His gaze flickered before he stood up. “Nope. Just what I said. You bike, right? I’ll give you a ride.”
That was it?
I faltered behind him as he walked past without a backwards look, heading downstairs. A second later, I heard, “You coming?”
My voice came out strangled, “Yeah.”
But dammit, I was.
If anything else, his whole demeanor put things in perspective.
I’d fallen apart before.
I’d been strong, then fell apart and I couldn’t keep falling apart.
Not here. Not in a new school. Not where my cousins went to school.
I had family here. I wasn’t alone.
“I can’t believe you’re doing this to Max. You’re such a slut.”
“Waste of space.”
“I’d fuck her, but I ain’t going to trial for that piece.”
Male laughter.
Female laughter.
The whispers.
The snide comments.
The openly asshole comments.
Then the threats.
The names written on my locker.
The letters. The notes. The spit wads. The shoving. The tripping. The elbows in my body as I walked by, as they walked by, as I was just standing in place. The tweets. The DMs. All the ways to get at me, they did it.
Max Prestige came from a long line of Prestiges, who ran Cedra Valley. I found out how untouchable my boyfriend was, even after he stalked me, beat me, threatened me, and then killed my father.
But I’d left that behind, and here we go again.
Take two, motherfucker.
***
We pulled in, and it was after the first period started. I didn’t know how late we were, but the lot was empty of people. I knew the hallway would be too, which was somewhat of a blessing.
Scout put his engine into park and let it run. He scanned the lot before turning to me. “I don’t want anything twisted here. Full cards on the table. I don’t like you.”
I laughed because damn. Honesty, huh?
“I don’t much like you either.”
He grunted, a faint grin there. “I know. You wanted to tear me apart on the first day.”
I grunted back because that was true.
“But you’re fucking hot.”
God. I was getting whiplash here.
“And if the chance popped up, I’d pound you.” He kept on, “Full-on. I’d do it rough and I’d make you come three times.”
Serious serious whiplash.
I shook my head. “What a pick-me-up after the shit I’m about to face.”
“I figure you’re going in there and you’re going to face a lot of fake shit. Not me. You know where I stand. I’m not trying to hit on you here or be crude in anyway. I, just, felt you should get some straight-up truth. I also know you feel the same.”
I looked over, lingering.
I didn’t question him or claim otherwise. With his looks, where he was, where he was going, he wasn’t dumb. He knew when a girl was hot for him. I turned back to the window, saying faintly, “Nice knowing where we both stand.”
“What I told Clint on the phone is true. You can stick to my side if you want to in there. I know you have your cousins, but if you need a break from their overprotective shit, I’m an ally in this situation. No one’s going to say fuck to you if you’re by me, and if you’re with me, then you and I both know the situation. We are not friends. I’ve got my friends. I don’t want anymore, but you know the deal.”
“No bullshit, huh?”
“Not with me.”
I sighed because in a way, I appreciated what he was saying.
I asked, “Who did this? Who found out about Max?”
“You’ve been here and mostly sticking to us guys. My guess, some petty bitches. Every school has them. Your friend might know.”
Gem. She texted and I hadn’t called her back.
“All my friends turned on me--”
“Nope.” He turned the engine off and took his keys out. “Not your friend. We’re not doing that. You want silence and knowing someone won’t turn on you, then seek me out. Want to talk about your feelings, go somewhere else.”
He was out after that, grabbing his bag from the back and I was trying to keep from my mouth sweeping up dust on the floor.
Jesus. Christ.
He wasn’t even waiting for me, walking to school without looking back.
A petty side of me wanted to stay in his Jeep and make him wait to lock it. I could wait hours if I wanted, but he got to the door and went in. He truly wasn’t waiting.
Well, then.
Guess what he said he meant.
No friendship. Silence. Ally. And fucking, if I wanted.
I shot Gem a text, then sent another to all of my cousins.
Within seconds, three doors opened and all of my cousins were leaving their classes.
“Wha--” I didn’t get the rest of my question out before Clint got to me first, and I was being ushered into an empty classroom. Trenton was the last one in and he locked the door, and hit the curtains. No one would know we were in here.
“What happened?” That was from Clint.
Alex shot him a frown. “Fuck what happened. We know what happened. Someone got nosey and blasted everything to everyone else.”
Trenton asked, “We know who did it?”
None of them had an answer.
“I was going to ask Gem if she knew or if she could find out.”
Clint nodded. “She might be able to find out. Her cousin is connected, has a lot of friends.”
That was news to me.
I asked, “Theresa?”
He gave me a nod. “Gem usually hangs out with her and her friends, but you’ve been around.”
“What’s Theresa like?” And when Gem was giving me the social hierarchy, why hadn’t she mentioned her cousin to me. “She’s popular?”
Alex grinned. “Don’t girls figure that out within the first day they’re here?”
I rolled my eyes. “I’ve had other shit on my mind, you know; handling PTSD.” Then it hit me, again. They all knew. About Max. What he did. The rumors.
The trial.
“Hey.” A hand touched my shoulder and I was pulled into someone’s chest. I was guessing it was Clint. He was closest to me. “It’s going to be okay.”
“Yeah. You’re not back there. We’re here. We won’t let anyone mess with you.”
I looked up from Clint to Trenton. Alex was nodding too. All were so fierce as they were watching me. I was drawing strength from them, and the rational part of me knew they were the guys no one messed with. Still, though. Still, their protection wouldn’t extend everywhere and fuck this, but I’d been through hell. I’d fought through hell. Came here.
I wasn’t a fucking pushover. I hadn’t been at the end and I came here, knowing I wasn’t.
But damn. The PTSD could suck the balls out of any dude. I hated that shit.
“Thanks, guys. I mean it.”
I stepped from Clint, and his head moved back. He was assessing me, and he gave a slight nod. He knew this was the Ramsay who would stand on her own. Our eyes caught and held in a shared understanding. I was aware the others were observing, but we were all having this silent conversation.
I’d almost forgotten that I had this connection with my cousins. It was always stronger the more time I spent with them, but over the last few years, the trips got less and less. A warm and strong feeling bloomed in my chest, almost like I could feel the connection with them taking hold inside of me, giving me even more added strength. Or I was taking theirs. Either way, this moment was rocking to me.
“You’re good. You’re going to be fine.”
I held up my fist to Clint, who met it with his. I turned and Alex and Trenton did the same. Then, we turned for the door just as the bell rang.
We’d all missed the entire first period, but no one seemed bothered by that fact.
We trailed out into the hallway and right away, I knew the entire school knew because everyone stopped to stare at me. It was like we all made a decision as a group because we went to Alex’s locker first. Then Clint’s. Then mine and since Trenton’s was just across from me, he split to grab what he needed. I saw each of them were handed a couple books and notebooks from friends so I was guessing that was what they’d left in their first periods.
I was just closing my locker, turning to go for my second period when I saw Gem hurrying through the crowd to me. She had her book and notebook to her chest and looked flustered. “Hey. Hi. How are you?” She was flustered, her cheeks red and her hair was frazzled, some ends flying around her face. She swatted at them, accidentally hitting her head, but she barely reacted. Her eyes were bugged out and she pressed her lips together, scanning my face. She frowned. “You don’t look that bad.” She moved in. “Are you bad? How bad are you? Do you need a skip day? I can faint and you can insist on going to the nurses’s office with me. I’ll totally take a dive for you. Is that what you need?”
I felt Alex step around my side, hearing what she said and he was eyeing her.
She noticed him, her eyes bugging out even more and she took a step backwards. She squeaked, “Clint!”
“That’s Alex.”
“I’m Alex.”
He and I spoke at the same time. Her head bounced from one to the other before dipping down in a nod and squaring her shoulders back. “Right. Alex.” She was looking around. Trenton was returning from his locker, his things in hand and she stilled, her eyes darting around.
Clint was smirking behind her, and as if sensing him, she slowly turned around in a circle.
She must’ve saw him, but she kept going around until she completed her circle and stopped, staring at me again. “He was there the whole time, huh?”
I nodded.
Alex nodded with me.
Trenton was smiling, and trying not to laugh.
She blew out a breath, glancing over her shoulder to Clint who had narrowed his eyes at her. “You scare me, sometimes.”
That made Clint smile wide, but then his gaze went to me and he sobered. I read the unspoken question and nodded. “I’ll be fine.”
He raised his chin up, but settled back against the locker anyway.
Gem was taking in my cousins before her eyebrows raised and she nodded to me. “I see you’re covered.”
“Hey.”
She started to leave, but I stopped her.
I asked, “Can you ask around, find out who told everyone about my situation? I’d like to know who to…thank.”
Her eyebrows were still up and she cocked her head to the side. “That sounds ominous.”
I didn’t react, holding her gaze.
She sighed, lowering her head. “I’ll find out.”
“Thanks.”
She gave another nod, starting to leave.
“See you at lunch?”
Another glance back and nod my way before the corners of her mouth lifted up. “Sounds good.”
I smiled back, still noticing all the looks our way until there was a presence on my left. A presence on my right and Alex started in front, leading the way. An arm came down around my shoulder, and I just knew that was Clint’s without needing to look.
I glanced at them, seeing all of them were glaring at everyone gawking our way.
I loved my cousins. A whole hell of a lot.
Within seconds, three doors opened and all of my cousins were leaving their classes.
“Wha--” I didn’t get the rest of my question out before Clint got to me first, and I was being ushered into an empty classroom. Trenton was the last one in and he locked the door, and hit the curtains. No one would know we were in here.
“What happened?” That was from Clint.
Alex shot him a frown. “Fuck what happened. We know what happened. Someone got nosey and blasted everything to everyone else.”
Trenton asked, “We know who did it?”
None of them had an answer.
“I was going to ask Gem if she knew or if she could find out.”
Clint nodded. “She might be able to find out. Her cousin is connected, has a lot of friends.”
That was news to me.
I asked, “Theresa?”
He gave me a nod. “Gem usually hangs out with her and her friends, but you’ve been around.”
“What’s Theresa like?” And when Gem was giving me the social hierarchy, why hadn’t she mentioned her cousin to me. “She’s popular?”
Alex grinned. “Don’t girls figure that out within the first day they’re here?”
I rolled my eyes. “I’ve had other shit on my mind, you know; handling PTSD.” Then it hit me, again. They all knew. About Max. What he did. The rumors.
The trial.
“Hey.” A hand touched my shoulder and I was pulled into someone’s chest. I was guessing it was Clint. He was closest to me. “It’s going to be okay.”
“Yeah. You’re not back there. We’re here. We won’t let anyone mess with you.”
I looked up from Clint to Trenton. Alex was nodding too. All were so fierce as they were watching me. I was drawing strength from them, and the rational part of me knew they were the guys no one messed with. Still, though. Still, their protection wouldn’t extend everywhere and fuck this, but I’d been through hell. I’d fought through hell. Came here.
I wasn’t a fucking pushover. I hadn’t been at the end and I came here, knowing I wasn’t.
But damn. The PTSD could suck the balls out of any dude. I hated that shit.
“Thanks, guys. I mean it.”
I stepped from Clint, and his head moved back. He was assessing me, and he gave a slight nod. He knew this was the Ramsay who would stand on her own. Our eyes caught and held in a shared understanding. I was aware the others were observing, but we were all having this silent conversation.
I’d almost forgotten that I had this connection with my cousins. It was always stronger the more time I spent with them, but over the last few years, the trips got less and less. A warm and strong feeling bloomed in my chest, almost like I could feel the connection with them taking hold inside of me, giving me even more added strength. Or I was taking theirs. Either way, this moment was rocking to me.
“You’re good. You’re going to be fine.”
I held up my fist to Clint, who met it with his. I turned and Alex and Trenton did the same. Then, we turned for the door just as the bell rang.
We’d all missed the entire first period, but no one seemed bothered by that fact.
We trailed out into the hallway and right away, I knew the entire school knew because everyone stopped to stare at me. It was like we all made a decision as a group because we went to Alex’s locker first. Then Clint’s. Then mine and since Trenton’s was just across from me, he split to grab what he needed. I saw each of them were handed a couple books and notebooks from friends so I was guessing that was what they’d left in their first periods.
I was just closing my locker, turning to go for my second period when I saw Gem hurrying through the crowd to me. She had her book and notebook to her chest and looked flustered. “Hey. Hi. How are you?” She was flustered, her cheeks red and her hair was frazzled, some ends flying around her face. She swatted at them, accidentally hitting her head, but she barely reacted. Her eyes were bugged out and she pressed her lips together, scanning my face. She frowned. “You don’t look that bad.” She moved in. “Are you bad? How bad are you? Do you need a skip day? I can faint and you can insist on going to the nurses’s office with me. I’ll totally take a dive for you. Is that what you need?”
I felt Alex step around my side, hearing what she said and he was eyeing her.
She noticed him, her eyes bugging out even more and she took a step backwards. She squeaked, “Clint!”
“That’s Alex.”
“I’m Alex.”
He and I spoke at the same time. Her head bounced from one to the other before dipping down in a nod and squaring her shoulders back. “Right. Alex.” She was looking around. Trenton was returning from his locker, his things in hand and she stilled, her eyes darting around.
Clint was smirking behind her, and as if sensing him, she slowly turned around in a circle.
She must’ve saw him, but she kept going around until she completed her circle and stopped, staring at me again. “He was there the whole time, huh?”
I nodded.
Alex nodded with me.
Trenton was smiling, and trying not to laugh.
She blew out a breath, glancing over her shoulder to Clint who had narrowed his eyes at her. “You scare me, sometimes.”
That made Clint smile wide, but then his gaze went to me and he sobered. I read the unspoken question and nodded. “I’ll be fine.”
He raised his chin up, but settled back against the locker anyway.
Gem was taking in my cousins before her eyebrows raised and she nodded to me. “I see you’re covered.”
“Hey.”
She started to leave, but I stopped her.
I asked, “Can you ask around, find out who told everyone about my situation? I’d like to know who to…thank.”
Her eyebrows were still up and she cocked her head to the side. “That sounds ominous.”
I didn’t react, holding her gaze.
She sighed, lowering her head. “I’ll find out.”
“Thanks.”
She gave another nod, starting to leave.
“See you at lunch?”
Another glance back and nod my way before the corners of her mouth lifted up. “Sounds good.”
I smiled back, still noticing all the looks our way until there was a presence on my left. A presence on my right and Alex started in front, leading the way. An arm came down around my shoulder, and I just knew that was Clint’s without needing to look.
I glanced at them, seeing all of them were glaring at everyone gawking our way.
I loved my cousins. A whole hell of a lot.
It was mostly looks. One girl in my second period started to say something, but she choked on her words as soon as I whirled around and started for her. We were doing worksheets so when the teacher called my name, I pretended that I was getting an extra piece of paper from the back counter.
When I returned to my seat, I made sure to glare at the girl the whole way. Her and her friends all looked away as soon as I did, but I knew that wasn’t the end of it.
In between classes, looks.
In class, looks.
Then lunch came around and as soon as I stepped inside, Trenton was with me and I stopped. He hit my back, but looked around and seeing what I was seeing, he started laughing. Gem was at our table. So was Clint and Alex, but at the end was Cohen and Scout, who both looked at total ease. Gem was not. She was sitting so upright that I understood the phrase, stick up your ass, but as soon as she saw me, she darted towards me. “Hey. Hi.” I was having deja vu from this morning. She grasped my arm, and began pulling me to the cafeteria line. “The guys are all acting cool, but are we friends with Scout and Cohen? Not that they care much about my reception to them, but I still want to be a good friend to you.”
I looked over, seeing her cousin and seeing the girls with her cousin. They were all laughing and talking to each other, but Theresa was watching us. She met my gaze. There was no reaction. She held my gaze until I stopped walking and just stared at her.
Gem noticed, trailing off as she saw where or who I was looking at. “Oh.”
That earned a frown from me. “Do you know who blasted my shit to everyone here?”
Her head jerked back to me. She swallowed. “Um…”
“Was it your cousin?”
“Theresa?!” She whirled to looking at her cousin again before her eyes narrowed. “I don’t think so. That’s not like her. I mean…No. Not about you. She knows you and I are friends.”
“Does she want us to be friends?”
“Theresa?!” She was on repeat with her responses and her looks too.
Seeing that Gem seemed genuinely shocked, I started forward for the line. Trenton beat me, but he moved back in line so I stepped up just behind him. He already had his tray in hand, his gaze going beyond me. “Your friend is broken.”
Gem was still standing where I left, looking confused.
I shrugged. “I just asked if her cousin might’ve been the one to blast my business out.”
“She seems conflicted by that possibility.”
If her cousin had done the deed, it was some comfort that Gem hadn’t been a part of it, and I hated that I needed to think like that. But, after my last school and last year, anything was possible.
“You guys are good with Cohen and Scout again?”
Trenton nodded, moving further in line. “Yeah. We’re all cool again, which isn’t good for Rice when he comes back to school.”
“Did he get suspended or something?”
He nodded. “He comes back next week.”
I stilled, hearing the tension in his voice. “What happens next week?”
His eyes met mine, and I read the warning there. I nodded, slowly. “Nothing good for Rice, huh?”
He shrugged. “You said it.”
We finished the line, seeing that Gem was behind us by a few people. She waved me ahead, her eyes darting to her cousin again so I trailed behind Trenton going to our table. We sat down. I was beside Alex and Scout, when he said, “You need girl friends.”
Everyone quieted.
Scout ignored them, looking at me with his unreadable and blank expression. “Your friend’s not enough, and neither are your cousins. Make more friends.”
I knew he meant well by the advice, but I was still flaring up inside from how blunt he spoke to me, but he was right. I did need more female friends. Still, I couldn’t help myself. “Thanks for that, O-One-Kenobi.”
Clint snorted. “It’s Obi-Wan Kenobi.”
“I don’t care.”
He started laughing.
Scout was staring at me. I was staring at him.
Cohen coughed, raising his hand. “Uh, going to put this out there. I’m all for this solidarity today.” He gestured to the table. “But I want chicks to sit with us tomorrow. Okay? Or we go eat where we usually eat, you know; where chicks are.”
Alex tossed a fry at him. “Settle down, dipshit. It’s one fucking day.”
“Still. I want to make my request known. Tomorrow. Girls. I don’t want to be locked in on a sausage only table for the rest of the year.”
Clint threw his entire sandwich at him, before cursing, grabbing it and returning to his seat to keep eating what hadn’t been messed up. “Settle down, fucker.”
Scout was grinning at Cohen, and I had to take a doubletake because Scout smiling was a whole other experience. Tingles and shivers, of the exciting and troubling kind, were shooting down my spine and I jerked upright. I wasn’t comfortable with the pool that dripped between my legs.
Jesus.
Fuck.
Shit.
This guy couldn’t smile. Ever. I wasn’t joking or being dramatic. He was hot when he was stone cold shut down, but grinning, I was feeling the temperatures of lava coursing through my body.
I didn’t like it. At all.
In fact, I hated it.
Scout narrowed his eyes at me, darkening, but I turned away and kept away. I refused to look his way again through the rest of lunch.
We were almost done eating when Trenton asked me, “Your friend never came back?”
I looked. He was right. She hadn’t. I’d not realized, but looking–I saw her talking to her cousin and she was hunched over. There were hand motions so whatever Gem was saying, she was adamant about it, but her cousin was ignoring her.
“That doesn’t give me a good feeling.”
Trenton was the one who said that.
I was about to nod, agreeing with him when Scout spoke up, “She’s not the one who blabbed shit.”
“What?!”
Clint half rose out of his seat. “Then who?”
The lava took a whole different turn inside of me, and I was seeing red. Literally. I was ready to murder someone.
“Dude!” Cohen hissed at Scout, who locked on his friend with that same unreadable look again.
He said, “I’m saving everyone a hassle.”
“Not fucking cool. Don’t do this.”
“Do what?” Alex was scowling.
I could feel the anger emanating off of Clint. It was coming in waves, but I was feeling it too, and we shared a look because whoever did it was going to be in a world of hurt.
Then Scout said, “It was Amalia.”
“Scout!” Cohen shoved up, grabbing his tray. He stalked off, throwing the entire thing at the nearest garbage before shoving out of the cafeteria door.
Amalia?
I was…. I had no clue what to do with that information.
Scout sighed and stood, his own tray in hand. “I’m saving you a witch hunt. Amalia freaked. Didn’t want the gossip to keep about her so she went digging. She sent an online news article about you to one of her friends and that friend is the one who shared with everyone.”
Goddamn. I didn’t want to understand, but I did.
I still asked, quietly, “Who was her friend that broadcasted it?”
His gaze went over my head to where Gem and Theresa were sitting. “See the chick at the end, curly hair?”
“That’s her friend?”
“Her name is Gabby and she never means bad, but she’s got a loose mouth.”
I growled. “That doesn’t make it okay.”
His eyes went to mine. “Not saying that for that reason. Just saying, know whose head you want to rip off. That’s all.” He held my gaze a second longer before he left, and he went to pick up Cohen’s tray too.
Clint let out a growl. “Gabby Real.”
I stood to check her out, and as if sensing our attention, her head swiveled slowly to see us. I expected her to react. That’s what everyone had been doing today, but she didn’t. She held our gaze. No emotion showed except she blinked a few times, and then leaned back against the table behind her so her back was resting against it. She’d been sitting facing the cafeteria, hunched forward and hugging her bag in her lap. With her new posture, one of her curls fell forward over her face. She reached up, slowly, and twirled her finger around the hair before stretching it and letting it pop back up again. Dark brown hair. Puffy cheeks. Freckles. From where she was sitting, she looked a little shorter, maybe the same height as Gem.
I had no idea how to handle her. She didn’t look like a mean girl, but the way she was staring back at us was telling me she was. Or… I didn’t know. But, also, fuck this.
I went over, knowing my cousins were behind me.
“Ramsay!” Gem popped up from her place at the table. Her cousin was next to her, who didn’t stand. All she did was lean forward so she could see better. She had a similar reaction as to Gabby, of not giving a crap whatever was about to happen, but there was mild curiosity at the same time.
“What’s going on?”
I ignored Gem, staring at Gabby, who was looking between Gem and myself.
She leaned forward, frowning a little. “Um, hello?” She looked behind me to my cousins. “Can we help you with something?”
We. As in her table, and I looked them over. A bunch of girls. A few guys. All of them had stopped talking and were watching us now.
“Why’d you blast my shit out to everyone?”
Her eyes widened and she sucked in her breath.
There. That was the reaction I was looking for. She didn’t think I knew. Fear was pooling in her gaze.
“Who told you that?”
“Scout.”
Someone gasped at the table. Gabby’s entire face flinched, as if she’d been slapped.
“Are you serious?”
I turned. Theresa was standing, and she stepped out from the table, a hand on her hip. Her eyes went from me to Gabby. “Is that the truth?”
Gabby’s eyes were closed and she seemed to be saying something under her breath before she pushed up from her chair. Her eyes opened and they were blazing. Fiery. “You’re lying.”
“You’re calling my cousin a liar?” Clint stepped to my side. Anger was coming off of him in waves, but it was the cold and calculated anger. Not the hotheaded one where he’d get arrested by doing something stupid.
Alex moved to my other side. “She’s not a liar. Neither are we. We took heat for Amalia and we didn’t say anything for awhile. You repay us by doing this to our cousin? You kidding me?”
Gabby was clueing in to her situation. The blood was draining from her face the longer Alex talked, and she swallowed. “I didn’t–I mean–”
“You spread that stuff?” Theresa had come over closer, standing by us.
Gabby’s gaze jerked to her and she seemed to shrink down. “No. I mean, yeah, but I didn’t mean for it to get out like it did. I mean, it’s messed up what happened to her.”
Theresa looked at me. “Scout Raiden told you it came from Gabby?”
I was studying Gabby, knowing the truth and her eyes got big as she seemed to understand that I knew. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out of it. She closed it, and I could see the wheels turning in her head before she stood taller and squared her shoulders back. Her bag fell down to the floor, but she held it by the straps, letting it sit on the ground. “I was curious, that’s all and I made the mistake by sharing it to a few friends. It’s my mess. I’m sorry.” She looked at each of my cousins. “I’m sorry. I really am.”
Gem moved forward, looking at her phone. “You didn’t share it with a few friends. You posted it on your tiktok! At midnight last night. Wtf, Gabby?”
Gabby’s eyes closed and her whole body rocked back like in a slow wave.
Clint growled. “That’s so fucked up. You did this shit. You spread it–”
Theresa's eyes rounded, but then narrowed to slits when Clint started going off. She began to move forward.
I didn’t know the dynamics going on here, but I knew one thing. A guy could not go off on a girl. There were rules and that was to protect him and her so I had to make a decision.
I stepped in, my back to Gabby and I put a hand to Clint’s chest. “Stop.”
“Rams–”
“I said stop it.” I looked at Trenton. “I’ll handle this.”
His own gaze was stormy, but he got my message and after a second, he gave me a slow nod. Taking Clint by the arm, he began pulling him back. “Come on.”
“NO–”
“Clint!” I got in his face again. “I got this.”
“But–”
“Dude. Come on.” Alex moved in front of me and together, Trenton and Alex herded Clint out of the cafeteria. Once they were in the hallway, I turned back. There was a whole audience, but I didn’t care. Once getting past the first wave of PTSD, I was back in war and fight mode. Audiences were a given in these circumstances, but no way in hell was I going to let this stand. I did, and they’d keep doing shit. I didn’t know who ‘they’ was, but there was always a ‘they.’
“Listen–”
I waved her off, and really ignored the vibes Theresa was sending off. I didn’t look her way so I couldn’t know what she was feeling, but I could feel her energy and it was biting. And strong.
I focused only on Gabby. “I don’t know you. I don’t know this school or the dynamics here, but what I’m going to say is that you blasted my shit on your social media. You fully fucking knew what that would do when you did that.” She started to say something, but I got even closer to her. “Save your shit. I don’t give a fuck, but you and me, I now give a fuck about you. I give a whole lot of fucks about you. Are you getting what I’m saying here? I’ve been through hell, literal hell, and I’m standing here and if you think I didn’t grow some tough ass skin going through my ordeal, you better educate yourself. Here’s my warning for you. I’m not going to react in a way where I’m going to get in trouble. That’s not my way, but what I will do, is that I will never forget. I’m going to be on the sidelines and I’m going to watch you, waiting for my shot, and also trust me. There’s always an opening and when I see it, I’m taking it. I’m going to make you feel so much pain when I do that at first you won’t even know it’s because of me until later, until after you emerge fully scarred will you stop and think if it was me. And that’s the beauty part of it is because if I get a second shot, a third, a fourth–I’ll take them. Every. Single. One. That’s who I am. That’s the enemy you just signed up and I don’t give a flying fuck who you got in your corner. I’ll take them all on.” I stepped back, knowing my tone was low and cold, my eyes were narrowed in slits. I included Theresa in my gaze, sweeping it over the table until I came to Gem last. I didn’t change my look, not one bit, not even after seeing her throat bob up and down.
No one said a word. I wasn’t sure why. If they were really hearing me, if they were pissed, or what, but I just knew I didn’t care.
I also knew that I meant every word because I was done taking the punches.
When I returned to my seat, I made sure to glare at the girl the whole way. Her and her friends all looked away as soon as I did, but I knew that wasn’t the end of it.
In between classes, looks.
In class, looks.
Then lunch came around and as soon as I stepped inside, Trenton was with me and I stopped. He hit my back, but looked around and seeing what I was seeing, he started laughing. Gem was at our table. So was Clint and Alex, but at the end was Cohen and Scout, who both looked at total ease. Gem was not. She was sitting so upright that I understood the phrase, stick up your ass, but as soon as she saw me, she darted towards me. “Hey. Hi.” I was having deja vu from this morning. She grasped my arm, and began pulling me to the cafeteria line. “The guys are all acting cool, but are we friends with Scout and Cohen? Not that they care much about my reception to them, but I still want to be a good friend to you.”
I looked over, seeing her cousin and seeing the girls with her cousin. They were all laughing and talking to each other, but Theresa was watching us. She met my gaze. There was no reaction. She held my gaze until I stopped walking and just stared at her.
Gem noticed, trailing off as she saw where or who I was looking at. “Oh.”
That earned a frown from me. “Do you know who blasted my shit to everyone here?”
Her head jerked back to me. She swallowed. “Um…”
“Was it your cousin?”
“Theresa?!” She whirled to looking at her cousin again before her eyes narrowed. “I don’t think so. That’s not like her. I mean…No. Not about you. She knows you and I are friends.”
“Does she want us to be friends?”
“Theresa?!” She was on repeat with her responses and her looks too.
Seeing that Gem seemed genuinely shocked, I started forward for the line. Trenton beat me, but he moved back in line so I stepped up just behind him. He already had his tray in hand, his gaze going beyond me. “Your friend is broken.”
Gem was still standing where I left, looking confused.
I shrugged. “I just asked if her cousin might’ve been the one to blast my business out.”
“She seems conflicted by that possibility.”
If her cousin had done the deed, it was some comfort that Gem hadn’t been a part of it, and I hated that I needed to think like that. But, after my last school and last year, anything was possible.
“You guys are good with Cohen and Scout again?”
Trenton nodded, moving further in line. “Yeah. We’re all cool again, which isn’t good for Rice when he comes back to school.”
“Did he get suspended or something?”
He nodded. “He comes back next week.”
I stilled, hearing the tension in his voice. “What happens next week?”
His eyes met mine, and I read the warning there. I nodded, slowly. “Nothing good for Rice, huh?”
He shrugged. “You said it.”
We finished the line, seeing that Gem was behind us by a few people. She waved me ahead, her eyes darting to her cousin again so I trailed behind Trenton going to our table. We sat down. I was beside Alex and Scout, when he said, “You need girl friends.”
Everyone quieted.
Scout ignored them, looking at me with his unreadable and blank expression. “Your friend’s not enough, and neither are your cousins. Make more friends.”
I knew he meant well by the advice, but I was still flaring up inside from how blunt he spoke to me, but he was right. I did need more female friends. Still, I couldn’t help myself. “Thanks for that, O-One-Kenobi.”
Clint snorted. “It’s Obi-Wan Kenobi.”
“I don’t care.”
He started laughing.
Scout was staring at me. I was staring at him.
Cohen coughed, raising his hand. “Uh, going to put this out there. I’m all for this solidarity today.” He gestured to the table. “But I want chicks to sit with us tomorrow. Okay? Or we go eat where we usually eat, you know; where chicks are.”
Alex tossed a fry at him. “Settle down, dipshit. It’s one fucking day.”
“Still. I want to make my request known. Tomorrow. Girls. I don’t want to be locked in on a sausage only table for the rest of the year.”
Clint threw his entire sandwich at him, before cursing, grabbing it and returning to his seat to keep eating what hadn’t been messed up. “Settle down, fucker.”
Scout was grinning at Cohen, and I had to take a doubletake because Scout smiling was a whole other experience. Tingles and shivers, of the exciting and troubling kind, were shooting down my spine and I jerked upright. I wasn’t comfortable with the pool that dripped between my legs.
Jesus.
Fuck.
Shit.
This guy couldn’t smile. Ever. I wasn’t joking or being dramatic. He was hot when he was stone cold shut down, but grinning, I was feeling the temperatures of lava coursing through my body.
I didn’t like it. At all.
In fact, I hated it.
Scout narrowed his eyes at me, darkening, but I turned away and kept away. I refused to look his way again through the rest of lunch.
We were almost done eating when Trenton asked me, “Your friend never came back?”
I looked. He was right. She hadn’t. I’d not realized, but looking–I saw her talking to her cousin and she was hunched over. There were hand motions so whatever Gem was saying, she was adamant about it, but her cousin was ignoring her.
“That doesn’t give me a good feeling.”
Trenton was the one who said that.
I was about to nod, agreeing with him when Scout spoke up, “She’s not the one who blabbed shit.”
“What?!”
Clint half rose out of his seat. “Then who?”
The lava took a whole different turn inside of me, and I was seeing red. Literally. I was ready to murder someone.
“Dude!” Cohen hissed at Scout, who locked on his friend with that same unreadable look again.
He said, “I’m saving everyone a hassle.”
“Not fucking cool. Don’t do this.”
“Do what?” Alex was scowling.
I could feel the anger emanating off of Clint. It was coming in waves, but I was feeling it too, and we shared a look because whoever did it was going to be in a world of hurt.
Then Scout said, “It was Amalia.”
“Scout!” Cohen shoved up, grabbing his tray. He stalked off, throwing the entire thing at the nearest garbage before shoving out of the cafeteria door.
Amalia?
I was…. I had no clue what to do with that information.
Scout sighed and stood, his own tray in hand. “I’m saving you a witch hunt. Amalia freaked. Didn’t want the gossip to keep about her so she went digging. She sent an online news article about you to one of her friends and that friend is the one who shared with everyone.”
Goddamn. I didn’t want to understand, but I did.
I still asked, quietly, “Who was her friend that broadcasted it?”
His gaze went over my head to where Gem and Theresa were sitting. “See the chick at the end, curly hair?”
“That’s her friend?”
“Her name is Gabby and she never means bad, but she’s got a loose mouth.”
I growled. “That doesn’t make it okay.”
His eyes went to mine. “Not saying that for that reason. Just saying, know whose head you want to rip off. That’s all.” He held my gaze a second longer before he left, and he went to pick up Cohen’s tray too.
Clint let out a growl. “Gabby Real.”
I stood to check her out, and as if sensing our attention, her head swiveled slowly to see us. I expected her to react. That’s what everyone had been doing today, but she didn’t. She held our gaze. No emotion showed except she blinked a few times, and then leaned back against the table behind her so her back was resting against it. She’d been sitting facing the cafeteria, hunched forward and hugging her bag in her lap. With her new posture, one of her curls fell forward over her face. She reached up, slowly, and twirled her finger around the hair before stretching it and letting it pop back up again. Dark brown hair. Puffy cheeks. Freckles. From where she was sitting, she looked a little shorter, maybe the same height as Gem.
I had no idea how to handle her. She didn’t look like a mean girl, but the way she was staring back at us was telling me she was. Or… I didn’t know. But, also, fuck this.
I went over, knowing my cousins were behind me.
“Ramsay!” Gem popped up from her place at the table. Her cousin was next to her, who didn’t stand. All she did was lean forward so she could see better. She had a similar reaction as to Gabby, of not giving a crap whatever was about to happen, but there was mild curiosity at the same time.
“What’s going on?”
I ignored Gem, staring at Gabby, who was looking between Gem and myself.
She leaned forward, frowning a little. “Um, hello?” She looked behind me to my cousins. “Can we help you with something?”
We. As in her table, and I looked them over. A bunch of girls. A few guys. All of them had stopped talking and were watching us now.
“Why’d you blast my shit out to everyone?”
Her eyes widened and she sucked in her breath.
There. That was the reaction I was looking for. She didn’t think I knew. Fear was pooling in her gaze.
“Who told you that?”
“Scout.”
Someone gasped at the table. Gabby’s entire face flinched, as if she’d been slapped.
“Are you serious?”
I turned. Theresa was standing, and she stepped out from the table, a hand on her hip. Her eyes went from me to Gabby. “Is that the truth?”
Gabby’s eyes were closed and she seemed to be saying something under her breath before she pushed up from her chair. Her eyes opened and they were blazing. Fiery. “You’re lying.”
“You’re calling my cousin a liar?” Clint stepped to my side. Anger was coming off of him in waves, but it was the cold and calculated anger. Not the hotheaded one where he’d get arrested by doing something stupid.
Alex moved to my other side. “She’s not a liar. Neither are we. We took heat for Amalia and we didn’t say anything for awhile. You repay us by doing this to our cousin? You kidding me?”
Gabby was clueing in to her situation. The blood was draining from her face the longer Alex talked, and she swallowed. “I didn’t–I mean–”
“You spread that stuff?” Theresa had come over closer, standing by us.
Gabby’s gaze jerked to her and she seemed to shrink down. “No. I mean, yeah, but I didn’t mean for it to get out like it did. I mean, it’s messed up what happened to her.”
Theresa looked at me. “Scout Raiden told you it came from Gabby?”
I was studying Gabby, knowing the truth and her eyes got big as she seemed to understand that I knew. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out of it. She closed it, and I could see the wheels turning in her head before she stood taller and squared her shoulders back. Her bag fell down to the floor, but she held it by the straps, letting it sit on the ground. “I was curious, that’s all and I made the mistake by sharing it to a few friends. It’s my mess. I’m sorry.” She looked at each of my cousins. “I’m sorry. I really am.”
Gem moved forward, looking at her phone. “You didn’t share it with a few friends. You posted it on your tiktok! At midnight last night. Wtf, Gabby?”
Gabby’s eyes closed and her whole body rocked back like in a slow wave.
Clint growled. “That’s so fucked up. You did this shit. You spread it–”
Theresa's eyes rounded, but then narrowed to slits when Clint started going off. She began to move forward.
I didn’t know the dynamics going on here, but I knew one thing. A guy could not go off on a girl. There were rules and that was to protect him and her so I had to make a decision.
I stepped in, my back to Gabby and I put a hand to Clint’s chest. “Stop.”
“Rams–”
“I said stop it.” I looked at Trenton. “I’ll handle this.”
His own gaze was stormy, but he got my message and after a second, he gave me a slow nod. Taking Clint by the arm, he began pulling him back. “Come on.”
“NO–”
“Clint!” I got in his face again. “I got this.”
“But–”
“Dude. Come on.” Alex moved in front of me and together, Trenton and Alex herded Clint out of the cafeteria. Once they were in the hallway, I turned back. There was a whole audience, but I didn’t care. Once getting past the first wave of PTSD, I was back in war and fight mode. Audiences were a given in these circumstances, but no way in hell was I going to let this stand. I did, and they’d keep doing shit. I didn’t know who ‘they’ was, but there was always a ‘they.’
“Listen–”
I waved her off, and really ignored the vibes Theresa was sending off. I didn’t look her way so I couldn’t know what she was feeling, but I could feel her energy and it was biting. And strong.
I focused only on Gabby. “I don’t know you. I don’t know this school or the dynamics here, but what I’m going to say is that you blasted my shit on your social media. You fully fucking knew what that would do when you did that.” She started to say something, but I got even closer to her. “Save your shit. I don’t give a fuck, but you and me, I now give a fuck about you. I give a whole lot of fucks about you. Are you getting what I’m saying here? I’ve been through hell, literal hell, and I’m standing here and if you think I didn’t grow some tough ass skin going through my ordeal, you better educate yourself. Here’s my warning for you. I’m not going to react in a way where I’m going to get in trouble. That’s not my way, but what I will do, is that I will never forget. I’m going to be on the sidelines and I’m going to watch you, waiting for my shot, and also trust me. There’s always an opening and when I see it, I’m taking it. I’m going to make you feel so much pain when I do that at first you won’t even know it’s because of me until later, until after you emerge fully scarred will you stop and think if it was me. And that’s the beauty part of it is because if I get a second shot, a third, a fourth–I’ll take them. Every. Single. One. That’s who I am. That’s the enemy you just signed up and I don’t give a flying fuck who you got in your corner. I’ll take them all on.” I stepped back, knowing my tone was low and cold, my eyes were narrowed in slits. I included Theresa in my gaze, sweeping it over the table until I came to Gem last. I didn’t change my look, not one bit, not even after seeing her throat bob up and down.
No one said a word. I wasn’t sure why. If they were really hearing me, if they were pissed, or what, but I just knew I didn’t care.
I also knew that I meant every word because I was done taking the punches.
“You feel good about your showdown?”
I was in seventh period, study hall in the cafeteria, when two books were tossed onto the table beside me. Scout folded down in the seat right after, an eyebrow raised for me to respond to his question.
I bristled, hearing his judgment. It was there. It was buried under his usual glacial and unreadable expression and tone, but it was there. I felt it and I rolled my eyes. “Spare me your condemnation.”
“I didn’t tell you that shit for you to go off on her. I told you so you’d stop and think before you did.”
I had no clue he was in my seventh period, but once I’d started coming, I had enjoyed that it was in the cafeteria. The teacher left us alone after taking roll call and we were left do what we pleased. For most, that actually meant studying, but others used it as social hour. Me, I liked having my own table, in the corner, where I could get a headstart on my homework for tomorrow.
“What are you doing here anyways? Have you been skipping this whole time?”
He snorted, opening one of his books. “Switched so I can take off for training an hour early if I need to.”
“I was told that this wasn’t a skip hour.”
He motioned to the table where the teacher had been, but wasn’t anymore. “Jeffries never comes back after roll-call, and he’s friends with my uncle. I get special privileges.”
He was totally serious as he said all that, and maybe it was a mix of how the day started, how it went, how it was ending, but I was done with the rollercoaster of emotions. I growled, grabbing up my books and stood up.
“Where are you going?”
“Not here,” I snapped. “I’m done with this day.” I wanted to say I was done with the place, but I couldn’t because I wasn’t. No matter what, my cousins were here and I felt the first remnants of happiness. I hadn’t felt that emotion in so long. I also knew my mom really enjoyed being so close to her sister. And there was the whole part where this was just a slight temper tantrum, and I was indulging in my teen youthfulness and letting myself express this.
It wouldn’t last. I knew this as I went into the hallway and then to my locker.
Once I got there, I opened it and began pulling out what I needed.
A shadow fell over me before Scout leaned against my neighbor’s locker.
I stifled a slight scream before I glared at him. “What are you doing?”
He shrugged, watching me put my things into my back. “This is more entertaining than studying, I guess. And I don’t want to go to training yet.”
“We’re not friends. Remember?”
“I’m aware.” His eyes darkened, looking me up and down before meeting my gaze. He smirked. “Wanna go do what I offered this morning?”
The smirk transformed his face again. It was a whole different vibe than when he had smiled at lunch, but again, I wasn’t ready for how my body reacted. Did I want to indulge in him? Yes. Lots and lots of yesses, but I squashed all of that because I actually didn’t know him and I just got through my first day of post-Max torture. It was just a new location, but I wasn’t dumb. This wouldn’t stop, not for a long time, not until every bully took their turn against me to see if they could push me around or not.
But damn.
I looked him up and down too.
The trim waist. The broad shoulders. I remembered briefly how his body felt against mine from this morning. Seriously firm, and the smirk was turning into a whole dark and sensual smoldering effect on me.
I sighed because the ache was building in my body. I remembered how I used to enjoy sex, how good it felt before, but that’d been Max. Max, the guy who shattered my life.
“I can’t.” I shut my locker, swinging my backpack on.
“Why not?”
I began walking out the door, and he pushed off, coming with me. He didn’t sound mad, just curious.
“Because the last guy whose dick was in me beat me up and then killed my dad. You being a fighter hits way too close to home for me to indulge in that very nice pastime.” I turned around, but kept walking backwards.
He had stopped at my words, slight shock flashing over his face before he reigned it in and went back to letting nothing show.
“Guess I’ll have to find someone else to fulfill that need for me. Thanks for the offer, though.” I gave him a two-finger salute before shoving out the door. It was only then that I remembered he’d given me a ride this morning, offering to put my bike in his truck, and that he hadn’t. I’d forgot to remind him to do that, so grrr. Here I was. In the parking lot, the epic of epic drop-the-mic comments only to walk off?
The door opened behind me a minute later, and I heard his laughter deep in his chest. “Come on, Who’s Not Going To Have Sex With Me. I gave you a ride this morning. I’ll take you back home.” He strolled around me and ahead of me, whistling all cocky-like as he tossed his keys in the air and caught them as he went to his truck.
Walk? That’d take forever. Or stay? Wait for my cousins?
But I knew they’d want to do something. Alex and Trenton would have football practice, but Clint wouldn’t and Clint was the one I knew who’d be looking for trouble to stir up. Gah. They’d be pissed at me, or Clint would, but I went with Scout.
I also wasn’t going to admit that a part of me wanted to go with him, or the why because he was annoying as fuck. Still. I went with him, climbing into the passenger side and I ignored the cocky chuckle.
“Shut up.”
He just laughed again before he raised an eyebrow, reversing and heading for the road. “Back to your place?”
I was restless. If I went home, I’d sit there and feel all my emotions. I’d try to study, but it wouldn’t work and I didn’t want to think what I’d do to not feel those emotions. I sighed. “What do you usually do after leaving school and not wanting to go and train right away?”
“I usually find Cohen and see what he’s doing.”
No, thank you on that one today. “What’s this Louie’s place like?”
He stared at me for a moment before hitting his turn signal and wheeling down a side road. “You don’t want to go to Louie’s.”
“Why not?”
“It’s a social scene. Wallace holds court there every day.”
“Who’s Wallace?”
He slid his eyes my way. “Her cousin is your only female friend here.”
Theresa Wallace. Got it.
“What’s she like?”
“Your friend?”
“Are you trying to be annoying?” I snapped.
He laughed. “Kinda. I’m finding that it’s fun to piss you off. You get hotter.”
Oh, good God. I was ignoring how that also affected me. I scowled. “What’s Theresa Wallace like? She seems like the leader of her group.”
He shrugged. “I don’t know her. She keeps to her group of friends, but I can tell you that I’ve never heard of her being in a public fight or anything, if that’s what you’re asking about.”
I settled back in my seat, not sure how to take that. “She handles it behind the scenes?”
“I really don’t know. Cohen knows her a little and said she’s okay. That’s all I’ve heard about her.”
“Super helpful of you.”
He cracked another grin. “You being bitchy just makes me want to fuck you more.”
I let out another frustrated growl, but he was right. “You’re the most twisted guy I know.”
“Not really, just enjoying your attitude.”
“Agh!”
He laughed again. “It’s making you hot too. Don’t think I don’t know that. You like being able to express your inner bitch.”
“You’re annoying!”
“You already said that. Get new material.”
“Oh my God.”
He kept laughing, but he didn’t comment again as he was turning onto a side street that went up a hill. We’d gone through the houses in town and were moving up and away from the main town area. My phone started buzzing so I settled back, responding to texts as he drove.
Clint: Where are you?
Me: Honestly, I don’t know. I’m with Scout.
Clint calling.
I silenced it and texted back.
Me: Don’t make it weird. He’s in the truck with me. I skipped out and he came with. I didn’t want to head home because I knew you’d come over and we’d get in trouble.
Clint: Not cool.
Alex: Got the run down of what happened. You’re okay?
Me: Yes. I’m with your bestie right now, steering clear of Clint.
Alex: With Scout?
Me: Yes. Do me a favor? Don’t let Clint do anything stupid tonight. I know he’s in the mood.
Alex: It’s weird that you’re with Scout. What’s going on there?
Me: Nothing.
Alex: You’re lying to me.
I groaned, but responded before this got out of hand.
Me: Nothing is going on. I mean it.
Alex: Don’t lie to me! Not cool, Ramsay.
Shit, shit, shit. He was calling me out.
Me: Literally nothing is going on. I don’t like him. He doesn’t like me.
Alex: You’re in his truck. You and him. Scout does not befriend girls unless he wants to fuck them. I know him. I know this. Ramsay, what are you doing?!
Clint: What the fuck is going on? Alex just took off and said he’s texting you.
I was letting some curses slip out, and I ignored Scout’s glance my way.
“What’s going on?”
I ignored his question too.
Me: Alex, don’t go down this rabbit hole. Please. I can’t handle it.
Alex: Are you going to fuck him? Don’t do this, Ramsay. He hurts you and I’m going to have to fuck him up. Come on. And trust me, I’m sending him texts too. You and him, fuck no. Hell no! I’m telling my brothers.
“No!” I jerked forward, hitting the call button until Alex answered. “Don’t say anything!”
“Put him on the phone.”
“Alex–”
“He’s not answering his phone so you put him on your phone instead.”
“Alex, come on.”
“Hit speaker, now!”
I cursed again, my head falling back against the headrest, but I hit the speaker button. I closed my eyes and turned my head to the window, totally trying not to be in the conversation but knowing it was useless.
“Scout!” Alex barked into the truck.
He cursed. “What?”
“Do not fuck my cousin.”
There was a slight pause before, “Are you kidding me?” That was a growl from him.
“No. I know you. I know my cousin. My guess is that both of you have been aware of this from day one. Am I right?”
I let out another curse. “You’re making this really uncomfortable.”
“I don’t care! I’m not saying this just to Scout. I’m saying this to both of you because I know you, Ramsay. You do what you want to do, but don’t do this. He’s my friend. You were just through the wringer, literally. I–if he hurts you. If you hurt her, Scout!”
“Jesus.” The phone was plucked from my hand, and I looked. He brought it to his mouth, directly speaking into it as he continued driving. He didn’t look my way. “She’s been through hell today. She was taking off, she didn’t have her bike. Her and me have a weird thing going on. I enjoy pissing her off and she likes it. It takes her mind off of her normal shit going on. Relax, bro. We’re going to my house until I have to go to training.”
Well, when he put it like that… I knew Alex was rethinking things now, but he hadn’t been wrong. I was starting to feel bad about this situation too.
“Oh.”
“I’m not going to fuck her at my house. You don’t have to worry.”
I locked eyes with Scout as we got to the top of the hill and he turned into the very last driveway possible. He was completely lying to my cousin, or I thought he was. Anger flared back at me, the same rage I saw the first day I met him so maybe he wasn’t.
“Bring her back when she wants to come back.”
“On it.” He ended the call, tossing my phone back to me. “Was that necessary?”
I flushed, my own anger flaring bright in me. “You’re blaming me? For my cousin knowing me and you? Are you jerking me around now?”
“I wasn’t jerking him around.”
We pulled into a seriously nice house. It looked like three stories with brick all over. It looked like a small castle. I was speechless as he parked and turned the engine off. He added, “I like your cousin, but I thought they’d be cool with a casual arrangement. Learning you all are fond of emotions and shit, that’s annoying to me. But whatever. Not touching you now.” He got out of his side of the truck, the door shutting as I got out mine.
He stalked off going inside their now-opened garage.
God. He was right. Making the other person riled up just made them even hotter. I was almost salivating and that wasn’t good. Not good at all.
When I got to his garage, he had his shirt off and he was wrapping his hands. A punching bag hung in the middle with a mat spread out on the floor. He’d kicked off his shoes. He nodded to me, chucking the roll of tape my way. “Get comfortable and wrap your knuckles. Wrap your whole hand, go around your fingers and thumb. I’ll be right back.”
“What are we doing here?”
He paused at the door to the house, nodding to the punching bag. “What do you think? You’re going to work off some steam.”
I dropped my bag to the floor and rolled up my sleeves, but that’s all I could do to get comfortable. I had a tank under, but I wasn’t stripping down to that. Then, he came out in sweats, and I let out a myriad of curses because that wasn’t fair. The guy was ripped all over, and he had the penis muscles, the V that went down under his sweats.
“Put clothes back on!” I pointed at him.
His eyes flashed. “No.”
“Yes.”
He got behind the punching bag and grabbed it, holding it against his chest. “You need to warm up?”
God. My mouth dried. He was serious.
“I don’t want to work out.”
“Sweetheart.” He straightened.
I didn’t like how he said that name, or I didn’t like how I was reacting to it.
He said, “You’re hitting a bag. If you want to work out, then that’s a whole other ordeal and not something you can handle. Trust me.”
I was glowering at him. “You’re a dick.”
“And you being a bitch right now is making me hard, so hit the fucking bag.”
I hit the bag, and then I hit it again, and again.
Anger. Sadness. Pleasure. Adrenalin. Intoxication. All of it was rolling through me and I released it little by little each time I hit that fucking bag. Pretty soon, I couldn’t stop hitting the bag.
So I kept doing it, and Scout held it for me the whole time.
I was in seventh period, study hall in the cafeteria, when two books were tossed onto the table beside me. Scout folded down in the seat right after, an eyebrow raised for me to respond to his question.
I bristled, hearing his judgment. It was there. It was buried under his usual glacial and unreadable expression and tone, but it was there. I felt it and I rolled my eyes. “Spare me your condemnation.”
“I didn’t tell you that shit for you to go off on her. I told you so you’d stop and think before you did.”
I had no clue he was in my seventh period, but once I’d started coming, I had enjoyed that it was in the cafeteria. The teacher left us alone after taking roll call and we were left do what we pleased. For most, that actually meant studying, but others used it as social hour. Me, I liked having my own table, in the corner, where I could get a headstart on my homework for tomorrow.
“What are you doing here anyways? Have you been skipping this whole time?”
He snorted, opening one of his books. “Switched so I can take off for training an hour early if I need to.”
“I was told that this wasn’t a skip hour.”
He motioned to the table where the teacher had been, but wasn’t anymore. “Jeffries never comes back after roll-call, and he’s friends with my uncle. I get special privileges.”
He was totally serious as he said all that, and maybe it was a mix of how the day started, how it went, how it was ending, but I was done with the rollercoaster of emotions. I growled, grabbing up my books and stood up.
“Where are you going?”
“Not here,” I snapped. “I’m done with this day.” I wanted to say I was done with the place, but I couldn’t because I wasn’t. No matter what, my cousins were here and I felt the first remnants of happiness. I hadn’t felt that emotion in so long. I also knew my mom really enjoyed being so close to her sister. And there was the whole part where this was just a slight temper tantrum, and I was indulging in my teen youthfulness and letting myself express this.
It wouldn’t last. I knew this as I went into the hallway and then to my locker.
Once I got there, I opened it and began pulling out what I needed.
A shadow fell over me before Scout leaned against my neighbor’s locker.
I stifled a slight scream before I glared at him. “What are you doing?”
He shrugged, watching me put my things into my back. “This is more entertaining than studying, I guess. And I don’t want to go to training yet.”
“We’re not friends. Remember?”
“I’m aware.” His eyes darkened, looking me up and down before meeting my gaze. He smirked. “Wanna go do what I offered this morning?”
The smirk transformed his face again. It was a whole different vibe than when he had smiled at lunch, but again, I wasn’t ready for how my body reacted. Did I want to indulge in him? Yes. Lots and lots of yesses, but I squashed all of that because I actually didn’t know him and I just got through my first day of post-Max torture. It was just a new location, but I wasn’t dumb. This wouldn’t stop, not for a long time, not until every bully took their turn against me to see if they could push me around or not.
But damn.
I looked him up and down too.
The trim waist. The broad shoulders. I remembered briefly how his body felt against mine from this morning. Seriously firm, and the smirk was turning into a whole dark and sensual smoldering effect on me.
I sighed because the ache was building in my body. I remembered how I used to enjoy sex, how good it felt before, but that’d been Max. Max, the guy who shattered my life.
“I can’t.” I shut my locker, swinging my backpack on.
“Why not?”
I began walking out the door, and he pushed off, coming with me. He didn’t sound mad, just curious.
“Because the last guy whose dick was in me beat me up and then killed my dad. You being a fighter hits way too close to home for me to indulge in that very nice pastime.” I turned around, but kept walking backwards.
He had stopped at my words, slight shock flashing over his face before he reigned it in and went back to letting nothing show.
“Guess I’ll have to find someone else to fulfill that need for me. Thanks for the offer, though.” I gave him a two-finger salute before shoving out the door. It was only then that I remembered he’d given me a ride this morning, offering to put my bike in his truck, and that he hadn’t. I’d forgot to remind him to do that, so grrr. Here I was. In the parking lot, the epic of epic drop-the-mic comments only to walk off?
The door opened behind me a minute later, and I heard his laughter deep in his chest. “Come on, Who’s Not Going To Have Sex With Me. I gave you a ride this morning. I’ll take you back home.” He strolled around me and ahead of me, whistling all cocky-like as he tossed his keys in the air and caught them as he went to his truck.
Walk? That’d take forever. Or stay? Wait for my cousins?
But I knew they’d want to do something. Alex and Trenton would have football practice, but Clint wouldn’t and Clint was the one I knew who’d be looking for trouble to stir up. Gah. They’d be pissed at me, or Clint would, but I went with Scout.
I also wasn’t going to admit that a part of me wanted to go with him, or the why because he was annoying as fuck. Still. I went with him, climbing into the passenger side and I ignored the cocky chuckle.
“Shut up.”
He just laughed again before he raised an eyebrow, reversing and heading for the road. “Back to your place?”
I was restless. If I went home, I’d sit there and feel all my emotions. I’d try to study, but it wouldn’t work and I didn’t want to think what I’d do to not feel those emotions. I sighed. “What do you usually do after leaving school and not wanting to go and train right away?”
“I usually find Cohen and see what he’s doing.”
No, thank you on that one today. “What’s this Louie’s place like?”
He stared at me for a moment before hitting his turn signal and wheeling down a side road. “You don’t want to go to Louie’s.”
“Why not?”
“It’s a social scene. Wallace holds court there every day.”
“Who’s Wallace?”
He slid his eyes my way. “Her cousin is your only female friend here.”
Theresa Wallace. Got it.
“What’s she like?”
“Your friend?”
“Are you trying to be annoying?” I snapped.
He laughed. “Kinda. I’m finding that it’s fun to piss you off. You get hotter.”
Oh, good God. I was ignoring how that also affected me. I scowled. “What’s Theresa Wallace like? She seems like the leader of her group.”
He shrugged. “I don’t know her. She keeps to her group of friends, but I can tell you that I’ve never heard of her being in a public fight or anything, if that’s what you’re asking about.”
I settled back in my seat, not sure how to take that. “She handles it behind the scenes?”
“I really don’t know. Cohen knows her a little and said she’s okay. That’s all I’ve heard about her.”
“Super helpful of you.”
He cracked another grin. “You being bitchy just makes me want to fuck you more.”
I let out another frustrated growl, but he was right. “You’re the most twisted guy I know.”
“Not really, just enjoying your attitude.”
“Agh!”
He laughed again. “It’s making you hot too. Don’t think I don’t know that. You like being able to express your inner bitch.”
“You’re annoying!”
“You already said that. Get new material.”
“Oh my God.”
He kept laughing, but he didn’t comment again as he was turning onto a side street that went up a hill. We’d gone through the houses in town and were moving up and away from the main town area. My phone started buzzing so I settled back, responding to texts as he drove.
Clint: Where are you?
Me: Honestly, I don’t know. I’m with Scout.
Clint calling.
I silenced it and texted back.
Me: Don’t make it weird. He’s in the truck with me. I skipped out and he came with. I didn’t want to head home because I knew you’d come over and we’d get in trouble.
Clint: Not cool.
Alex: Got the run down of what happened. You’re okay?
Me: Yes. I’m with your bestie right now, steering clear of Clint.
Alex: With Scout?
Me: Yes. Do me a favor? Don’t let Clint do anything stupid tonight. I know he’s in the mood.
Alex: It’s weird that you’re with Scout. What’s going on there?
Me: Nothing.
Alex: You’re lying to me.
I groaned, but responded before this got out of hand.
Me: Nothing is going on. I mean it.
Alex: Don’t lie to me! Not cool, Ramsay.
Shit, shit, shit. He was calling me out.
Me: Literally nothing is going on. I don’t like him. He doesn’t like me.
Alex: You’re in his truck. You and him. Scout does not befriend girls unless he wants to fuck them. I know him. I know this. Ramsay, what are you doing?!
Clint: What the fuck is going on? Alex just took off and said he’s texting you.
I was letting some curses slip out, and I ignored Scout’s glance my way.
“What’s going on?”
I ignored his question too.
Me: Alex, don’t go down this rabbit hole. Please. I can’t handle it.
Alex: Are you going to fuck him? Don’t do this, Ramsay. He hurts you and I’m going to have to fuck him up. Come on. And trust me, I’m sending him texts too. You and him, fuck no. Hell no! I’m telling my brothers.
“No!” I jerked forward, hitting the call button until Alex answered. “Don’t say anything!”
“Put him on the phone.”
“Alex–”
“He’s not answering his phone so you put him on your phone instead.”
“Alex, come on.”
“Hit speaker, now!”
I cursed again, my head falling back against the headrest, but I hit the speaker button. I closed my eyes and turned my head to the window, totally trying not to be in the conversation but knowing it was useless.
“Scout!” Alex barked into the truck.
He cursed. “What?”
“Do not fuck my cousin.”
There was a slight pause before, “Are you kidding me?” That was a growl from him.
“No. I know you. I know my cousin. My guess is that both of you have been aware of this from day one. Am I right?”
I let out another curse. “You’re making this really uncomfortable.”
“I don’t care! I’m not saying this just to Scout. I’m saying this to both of you because I know you, Ramsay. You do what you want to do, but don’t do this. He’s my friend. You were just through the wringer, literally. I–if he hurts you. If you hurt her, Scout!”
“Jesus.” The phone was plucked from my hand, and I looked. He brought it to his mouth, directly speaking into it as he continued driving. He didn’t look my way. “She’s been through hell today. She was taking off, she didn’t have her bike. Her and me have a weird thing going on. I enjoy pissing her off and she likes it. It takes her mind off of her normal shit going on. Relax, bro. We’re going to my house until I have to go to training.”
Well, when he put it like that… I knew Alex was rethinking things now, but he hadn’t been wrong. I was starting to feel bad about this situation too.
“Oh.”
“I’m not going to fuck her at my house. You don’t have to worry.”
I locked eyes with Scout as we got to the top of the hill and he turned into the very last driveway possible. He was completely lying to my cousin, or I thought he was. Anger flared back at me, the same rage I saw the first day I met him so maybe he wasn’t.
“Bring her back when she wants to come back.”
“On it.” He ended the call, tossing my phone back to me. “Was that necessary?”
I flushed, my own anger flaring bright in me. “You’re blaming me? For my cousin knowing me and you? Are you jerking me around now?”
“I wasn’t jerking him around.”
We pulled into a seriously nice house. It looked like three stories with brick all over. It looked like a small castle. I was speechless as he parked and turned the engine off. He added, “I like your cousin, but I thought they’d be cool with a casual arrangement. Learning you all are fond of emotions and shit, that’s annoying to me. But whatever. Not touching you now.” He got out of his side of the truck, the door shutting as I got out mine.
He stalked off going inside their now-opened garage.
God. He was right. Making the other person riled up just made them even hotter. I was almost salivating and that wasn’t good. Not good at all.
When I got to his garage, he had his shirt off and he was wrapping his hands. A punching bag hung in the middle with a mat spread out on the floor. He’d kicked off his shoes. He nodded to me, chucking the roll of tape my way. “Get comfortable and wrap your knuckles. Wrap your whole hand, go around your fingers and thumb. I’ll be right back.”
“What are we doing here?”
He paused at the door to the house, nodding to the punching bag. “What do you think? You’re going to work off some steam.”
I dropped my bag to the floor and rolled up my sleeves, but that’s all I could do to get comfortable. I had a tank under, but I wasn’t stripping down to that. Then, he came out in sweats, and I let out a myriad of curses because that wasn’t fair. The guy was ripped all over, and he had the penis muscles, the V that went down under his sweats.
“Put clothes back on!” I pointed at him.
His eyes flashed. “No.”
“Yes.”
He got behind the punching bag and grabbed it, holding it against his chest. “You need to warm up?”
God. My mouth dried. He was serious.
“I don’t want to work out.”
“Sweetheart.” He straightened.
I didn’t like how he said that name, or I didn’t like how I was reacting to it.
He said, “You’re hitting a bag. If you want to work out, then that’s a whole other ordeal and not something you can handle. Trust me.”
I was glowering at him. “You’re a dick.”
“And you being a bitch right now is making me hard, so hit the fucking bag.”
I hit the bag, and then I hit it again, and again.
Anger. Sadness. Pleasure. Adrenalin. Intoxication. All of it was rolling through me and I released it little by little each time I hit that fucking bag. Pretty soon, I couldn’t stop hitting the bag.
So I kept doing it, and Scout held it for me the whole time.
The house was dark when Scout pulled into our driveway.
The boxing thing had been an emotional release for me. It was a whole event, and when he offered to take me back, I shook my head and moved to the smaller punching bag. He watched me for a long time before I heard him go and pick up a jump rope. After that, well, I didn’t know how to describe it.
He worked out. I saw him on his phone so maybe he told his uncle he’d train at his house. I don’t know. I never asked, and I moved around his garage. He had weights. Other punching bags. A post sticking up with sticks pointing out at odd angles. There were exercise balls and other things I didn’t know how to use. After an hour, I got my phone out and headphones. I plugged them in, listening to music, and eventually, as my body got tired and my mind went numb, I settled in the corner. There were a couple couches, so I curled up and pulled out my homework.
I studied as he continued working out.
He only stopped a few times to grab food, or fuel as he might call it.
My stomach was growling. I hadn’t eaten anything at lunch, but I grabbed some of his sports drinks. There was a whole fridge set up in the garage too. I only went into his house to use the bathroom, which was just inside the door. Each time, I went back to the garage. I could’ve snooped. I didn’t think Scout would’ve cared, but I didn’t. Just went back, went to the couch, and continued my homework until I was able to read ahead in two of my classes.
When he pulled up to my place, I reached for the door and got out. I didn’t say a word. Neither did he. He left and then I went inside, already knowing my mom was going to be working a double tonight. Again. She’d sent me a text on her break, informing me, but I still hated seeing the note she’d left on the counter. It was next to some money for me to order food in.
I left the note and cash where they were and bypassed, heading upstairs.
I knew my plans for the night.
I got ready for bed, but grabbed my blankets and pillows and took it all downstairs. From there, the doors were locked. I went through the house, double checking all the windows and the back doors were locked too. Then, I grabbed a wine bottle and a bag of chips and went to curl up on the couch. The television was turned on.
I set my alarm for the morning, and I settled in to watch The Fallen Crest Diaries, popping open the wine and taking a whole drag of it.
I was halfway through episode five, season one when they were at the giant cabin when a loud knock sounded at my back door.
I screamed, my entire body launching itself off my couch.
I landed half on the couch, half my body off and my arms tangled up. I had no clue how that happened, but the pounding kept on.
“Who is it?!”
“It’s Clint!”
I started to grumble, my heartbeat returning to normal, or just starting as I got up, making my way to the backdoor.
“And me!”
I stopped right before I got there. That was Alex.
If he was here… “And me!” That was Trenton. All three showed up.
I went over, lifting the curtain so I could see them and I moved around, trying to see who else was with them.
Clint frowned. “What are you doing?”
“Checking to see if you brought my aunt and uncle too.”
He snorted, rolling his eyes and he gestured down. “Let us in. We brought pizza.”
Just the mention of it had my stomach growling, and I was remembering that I hadn’t ate all day except for my piece of toast this morning. I opened the door and grabbed the pizza that Alex was holding.
“Hey!”
I took it into the kitchen, letting the guys trail in after me. Trenton shut the door, locking it.
Each had their bookbags and some other grocery bags, but when Clint dropped one off on the counter, I saw he had a change of clothes in there. “You guys think you’re spending the night?”
“We know we are.” Alex bypassed me, grabbed a slice and went to the fridge.
“Uh…” Trenton was at the couch, and he held up my bottle of wine. “We need to talk about this, Rams?”
Clint snorted. “Right on.” He went to the cabinet and grabbed his own, taking the top off. “We each get our own.”
Alex’s eyes widened, but he took the wine from Clint and took his own drag. Wincing at the end, he handed it back as Trenton came over, reaching for it.
Alex’s eyes were on me. “Scout said you hit the bag for an hour straight. How’s your arms?”
“Like jelly. I’m going to hurt tomorrow.”
“Dude.” Clint reached over, took my wine from Trenton and slid it to me. “What do you think that’s for?”
I caught it, and he was right. I took a drag. My stomach was swishing around. Wine. Numbness. My body was beyond beyond tired and now pizza. Best night ever. My cousins deciding we were doing a sleepover, that was the cherry on top.
I caught Trenton and Alex sharing a look before both dropped it.
“What are we watching?” Clint started to turn and saw the television. “Oh. No. No, no, no. We’re not watching that soap opera teen drama shit. No way. We’re watching a horror movie or something, anything but that stuff. Seriously.”
Alex laughed. “Calm down. We’re aware you’ve already binged the whole first season.”
“Wha–I did not.”
Trenton picked up the pizza box and carried it to the couch. “It was either you or Dad, and I don’t think Dad even knows what that show is so you’re caught, Clint. Fess up to it.”
Alex had picked up the wine, carrying it over.
Clint’s mouth was hanging open, his pizza forgotten in his hand. “I–I’d never–”
“You did!” Alex yelled, disappearing into the hallway. He came back carrying a bunch of blankets.
Trenton was looking around, frowning. “Where are your pillows?”
I pointed where Alex just came from. “In the closet.”
“I got ‘em.” Alex went back, and returned, his arms full of pillows this time.
Clint still hadn’t moved.
Alex dropped the pillows on the floor, then he and Trenton picked up the coffee table and moved it to the side. Both began spreading out the pillows when I had an idea. “Wait!”
I darted upstairs, going to the guest room and pulled out two air mattresses.
“Oh, sweet.” Alex had followed. He picked one up and gestured to the top corner. “We can line those up on the floor for anyone who wants extra space.”
I reached for the foam mattresses he was talking about, and filling up my arms, I trailed behind him.
“Oh yeah! That’s what I’m talking about.” Trenton came over, all smiles, and grabbed one of the airmattresses. He took it over, plugged it in and spread it out as the air was already pumping into it. “These are perfect.”
“I call couch!” Clint was about to sit when a pillow whacked him in the face.
Alex glared. “Help set up, douche.”
Clint motioned. “You guys got it covered. Besides, everyone knows my real job is the emotional therapist for Ramsay.”
I started laughing, but went over and took the wine out of his hands.
“Hey!”
I pointed at the blankets and the foam mattresses. “Help Then drink.”
He growled, but it was all an act. He was fighting a grin, dropping down and starting to lay the mattresses out. By the end, we had a whole mecca of blankets spread out from the couch to the television. The mattresses leveled everything up so the couch just seemed like it one end of the entire giant mattress.
It was glorious. I loved it, and I was curled up in the corner of the couch, my favorite blanket over me. My wine was set on the corner of the coffee table, within reaching distance. My phone was quiet, and I’d ate three delicious slices of pizza. I was halfway sleeping when Clint won the movie battle and popped up the latest horror movie.
The guys all settled in. Alex and Trenton were stretched out on the mattresses, their feet toward the TV and heads propped up by pillows. Clint was on the other end of the couch. Our feet were pointed towards each other. When Alex switched positions so he was on his stomach, his head toward the TV, I knew he’d be sleeping within minutes.
And he was, as his soft snoring sounded out two minutes later.
Clint moved his foot, getting my attention.
I raised my eyebrows at him.
He held up his phone, and I saw him texting.
My phone lit up a second later.
Trenton moved to his side, letting out a loud yawn, and pulled his blanket tighter around himself. He’d be next to fall asleep.
Clint: You and Scout hung out tonight? What was that about?
Me: Nothing.
He kicked my foot again, glaring at me.
Me: I mean… There’s a weird attraction between us, but we also hate each other too.
Clint: Are you serious?
Me: I don’t like it either, but I think tonight was just about distracting me. I really can’t explain it.
Clint: What did you guys do?
Me: I punched his bag for a long time. He trained, and then I was studying on his couch. We didn’t talk the whole time.
Clint: Really?
Me: Yeah.
Clint: Alex is worried about you and S. I am too. Trenton too.
Me: You don’t have to be. For real.
Clint: We just don’t want you get hurt again. It feels like we just got you back, you know?
I sent him a smile because my chest was warming up. I was feeling all emotional-ly and everything. Cheesy stuff. I loved it.
Me: Thank you. Love you guys for coming over and doing this.
He grunted, and Trenton lifted his head to look at him.
“Sorry,” Clint said softly.
Trenton closed his eyes, his head folding back down and he curled into a ball. I was smiling at that too, because that’s how I slept.
Clint: The consensus was that we don’t like you and Scout, but we can’t make you do anything you don’t want to do. I know Alex is going to talk to Scout privately which he said is none of anyone’s business, but you know what that’ll be about. Could you let me know if things change with you and Scout? Not that I want to know, because I don’t, but I love you and I feel like we should know. So we’re aware. Is that cool?
Clint: That was a fucking long text.
I grinned, laughing softly, and feeling that warmth in my chest just getting warmer and warmer.
Me: I will. Love you too.
He grunted, flashed me a slight grin, before he tossed his phone to the floor and settled back down.
A girl was about to get butchered on the television, and I had a moment because I realized that between my cousins, between the drama of finding out who did what, and Scout, I hadn’t thought that much about my dad or Max today.
All that warmth was firmly settled in my chest, smack dab in the middle. It wasn’t moving.
The horror movie was so bad that instead of making me remember bad thoughts, it was making me giggle instead. The guy was butchering the girl with a rubber chicken. Who used a rubber chicken to commit murder?
Clint kicked my foot, fighting his own grin. “Shut up. It’s not that bad.”
“It’s pretty bad.”
He started laughing, ducking his head down so he wouldn’t wake his brothers, but he agreed with me.
It’d been the perfect fit for the night.
The boxing thing had been an emotional release for me. It was a whole event, and when he offered to take me back, I shook my head and moved to the smaller punching bag. He watched me for a long time before I heard him go and pick up a jump rope. After that, well, I didn’t know how to describe it.
He worked out. I saw him on his phone so maybe he told his uncle he’d train at his house. I don’t know. I never asked, and I moved around his garage. He had weights. Other punching bags. A post sticking up with sticks pointing out at odd angles. There were exercise balls and other things I didn’t know how to use. After an hour, I got my phone out and headphones. I plugged them in, listening to music, and eventually, as my body got tired and my mind went numb, I settled in the corner. There were a couple couches, so I curled up and pulled out my homework.
I studied as he continued working out.
He only stopped a few times to grab food, or fuel as he might call it.
My stomach was growling. I hadn’t eaten anything at lunch, but I grabbed some of his sports drinks. There was a whole fridge set up in the garage too. I only went into his house to use the bathroom, which was just inside the door. Each time, I went back to the garage. I could’ve snooped. I didn’t think Scout would’ve cared, but I didn’t. Just went back, went to the couch, and continued my homework until I was able to read ahead in two of my classes.
When he pulled up to my place, I reached for the door and got out. I didn’t say a word. Neither did he. He left and then I went inside, already knowing my mom was going to be working a double tonight. Again. She’d sent me a text on her break, informing me, but I still hated seeing the note she’d left on the counter. It was next to some money for me to order food in.
I left the note and cash where they were and bypassed, heading upstairs.
I knew my plans for the night.
I got ready for bed, but grabbed my blankets and pillows and took it all downstairs. From there, the doors were locked. I went through the house, double checking all the windows and the back doors were locked too. Then, I grabbed a wine bottle and a bag of chips and went to curl up on the couch. The television was turned on.
I set my alarm for the morning, and I settled in to watch The Fallen Crest Diaries, popping open the wine and taking a whole drag of it.
I was halfway through episode five, season one when they were at the giant cabin when a loud knock sounded at my back door.
I screamed, my entire body launching itself off my couch.
I landed half on the couch, half my body off and my arms tangled up. I had no clue how that happened, but the pounding kept on.
“Who is it?!”
“It’s Clint!”
I started to grumble, my heartbeat returning to normal, or just starting as I got up, making my way to the backdoor.
“And me!”
I stopped right before I got there. That was Alex.
If he was here… “And me!” That was Trenton. All three showed up.
I went over, lifting the curtain so I could see them and I moved around, trying to see who else was with them.
Clint frowned. “What are you doing?”
“Checking to see if you brought my aunt and uncle too.”
He snorted, rolling his eyes and he gestured down. “Let us in. We brought pizza.”
Just the mention of it had my stomach growling, and I was remembering that I hadn’t ate all day except for my piece of toast this morning. I opened the door and grabbed the pizza that Alex was holding.
“Hey!”
I took it into the kitchen, letting the guys trail in after me. Trenton shut the door, locking it.
Each had their bookbags and some other grocery bags, but when Clint dropped one off on the counter, I saw he had a change of clothes in there. “You guys think you’re spending the night?”
“We know we are.” Alex bypassed me, grabbed a slice and went to the fridge.
“Uh…” Trenton was at the couch, and he held up my bottle of wine. “We need to talk about this, Rams?”
Clint snorted. “Right on.” He went to the cabinet and grabbed his own, taking the top off. “We each get our own.”
Alex’s eyes widened, but he took the wine from Clint and took his own drag. Wincing at the end, he handed it back as Trenton came over, reaching for it.
Alex’s eyes were on me. “Scout said you hit the bag for an hour straight. How’s your arms?”
“Like jelly. I’m going to hurt tomorrow.”
“Dude.” Clint reached over, took my wine from Trenton and slid it to me. “What do you think that’s for?”
I caught it, and he was right. I took a drag. My stomach was swishing around. Wine. Numbness. My body was beyond beyond tired and now pizza. Best night ever. My cousins deciding we were doing a sleepover, that was the cherry on top.
I caught Trenton and Alex sharing a look before both dropped it.
“What are we watching?” Clint started to turn and saw the television. “Oh. No. No, no, no. We’re not watching that soap opera teen drama shit. No way. We’re watching a horror movie or something, anything but that stuff. Seriously.”
Alex laughed. “Calm down. We’re aware you’ve already binged the whole first season.”
“Wha–I did not.”
Trenton picked up the pizza box and carried it to the couch. “It was either you or Dad, and I don’t think Dad even knows what that show is so you’re caught, Clint. Fess up to it.”
Alex had picked up the wine, carrying it over.
Clint’s mouth was hanging open, his pizza forgotten in his hand. “I–I’d never–”
“You did!” Alex yelled, disappearing into the hallway. He came back carrying a bunch of blankets.
Trenton was looking around, frowning. “Where are your pillows?”
I pointed where Alex just came from. “In the closet.”
“I got ‘em.” Alex went back, and returned, his arms full of pillows this time.
Clint still hadn’t moved.
Alex dropped the pillows on the floor, then he and Trenton picked up the coffee table and moved it to the side. Both began spreading out the pillows when I had an idea. “Wait!”
I darted upstairs, going to the guest room and pulled out two air mattresses.
“Oh, sweet.” Alex had followed. He picked one up and gestured to the top corner. “We can line those up on the floor for anyone who wants extra space.”
I reached for the foam mattresses he was talking about, and filling up my arms, I trailed behind him.
“Oh yeah! That’s what I’m talking about.” Trenton came over, all smiles, and grabbed one of the airmattresses. He took it over, plugged it in and spread it out as the air was already pumping into it. “These are perfect.”
“I call couch!” Clint was about to sit when a pillow whacked him in the face.
Alex glared. “Help set up, douche.”
Clint motioned. “You guys got it covered. Besides, everyone knows my real job is the emotional therapist for Ramsay.”
I started laughing, but went over and took the wine out of his hands.
“Hey!”
I pointed at the blankets and the foam mattresses. “Help Then drink.”
He growled, but it was all an act. He was fighting a grin, dropping down and starting to lay the mattresses out. By the end, we had a whole mecca of blankets spread out from the couch to the television. The mattresses leveled everything up so the couch just seemed like it one end of the entire giant mattress.
It was glorious. I loved it, and I was curled up in the corner of the couch, my favorite blanket over me. My wine was set on the corner of the coffee table, within reaching distance. My phone was quiet, and I’d ate three delicious slices of pizza. I was halfway sleeping when Clint won the movie battle and popped up the latest horror movie.
The guys all settled in. Alex and Trenton were stretched out on the mattresses, their feet toward the TV and heads propped up by pillows. Clint was on the other end of the couch. Our feet were pointed towards each other. When Alex switched positions so he was on his stomach, his head toward the TV, I knew he’d be sleeping within minutes.
And he was, as his soft snoring sounded out two minutes later.
Clint moved his foot, getting my attention.
I raised my eyebrows at him.
He held up his phone, and I saw him texting.
My phone lit up a second later.
Trenton moved to his side, letting out a loud yawn, and pulled his blanket tighter around himself. He’d be next to fall asleep.
Clint: You and Scout hung out tonight? What was that about?
Me: Nothing.
He kicked my foot again, glaring at me.
Me: I mean… There’s a weird attraction between us, but we also hate each other too.
Clint: Are you serious?
Me: I don’t like it either, but I think tonight was just about distracting me. I really can’t explain it.
Clint: What did you guys do?
Me: I punched his bag for a long time. He trained, and then I was studying on his couch. We didn’t talk the whole time.
Clint: Really?
Me: Yeah.
Clint: Alex is worried about you and S. I am too. Trenton too.
Me: You don’t have to be. For real.
Clint: We just don’t want you get hurt again. It feels like we just got you back, you know?
I sent him a smile because my chest was warming up. I was feeling all emotional-ly and everything. Cheesy stuff. I loved it.
Me: Thank you. Love you guys for coming over and doing this.
He grunted, and Trenton lifted his head to look at him.
“Sorry,” Clint said softly.
Trenton closed his eyes, his head folding back down and he curled into a ball. I was smiling at that too, because that’s how I slept.
Clint: The consensus was that we don’t like you and Scout, but we can’t make you do anything you don’t want to do. I know Alex is going to talk to Scout privately which he said is none of anyone’s business, but you know what that’ll be about. Could you let me know if things change with you and Scout? Not that I want to know, because I don’t, but I love you and I feel like we should know. So we’re aware. Is that cool?
Clint: That was a fucking long text.
I grinned, laughing softly, and feeling that warmth in my chest just getting warmer and warmer.
Me: I will. Love you too.
He grunted, flashed me a slight grin, before he tossed his phone to the floor and settled back down.
A girl was about to get butchered on the television, and I had a moment because I realized that between my cousins, between the drama of finding out who did what, and Scout, I hadn’t thought that much about my dad or Max today.
All that warmth was firmly settled in my chest, smack dab in the middle. It wasn’t moving.
The horror movie was so bad that instead of making me remember bad thoughts, it was making me giggle instead. The guy was butchering the girl with a rubber chicken. Who used a rubber chicken to commit murder?
Clint kicked my foot, fighting his own grin. “Shut up. It’s not that bad.”
“It’s pretty bad.”
He started laughing, ducking his head down so he wouldn’t wake his brothers, but he agreed with me.
It’d been the perfect fit for the night.
The rest of the week was interesting.
Gem hung out at my locker when my cousins weren’t there, which wasn’t a lot and we went back to having lunch together. Cohen and Scout were scarce. I saw them a few times at Alex’s locker, but that was it. Scout kept to himself in our classes, and I didn’t see him in study hall again. Now it was Friday and besides a few nasty comments from people at school, most everyone wasn’t talking about my situation. They were talking about the football game, which I was down for. Yay for football. Yay for not gossiping about me, but I wasn’t stupid. I knew that wasn’t going away. It was just a matter of time before someone came at me about it. Until then, only football please.
“What’s your plans for the game?” Gem asked in our sixth period that day.
I shrugged. “No one’s brought it up, but Alex and Trenton are playing. I’m guessing Clint will sit in our section. Are you going?”
She nodded, scooting her chair closer. “Yeah. That’s why I’m asking. My cousin wanted to see if you wanted to go with us? Like, we’d pick you up and we usually grab food at a place. Mexican food. Would you be interested? Then we’d go to the game and wherever everyone goes afterward. That’s usually the plan.”
I was a little surprised because Gem had acted like she had no friends before now. But I nodded. “Yes. I’d love that.”
“Gabby won’t be there.”
“Oh. Okay. Wait. Is Gabby in your cousin’s group?”
“Kinda, but kinda not. It’s complicated. You don’t have to worry about Theresa. She’s not about what Gabby did, and when you confronted her and with the fact that Scout was your source, Theresa stopped a lot of what people might’ve been saying. She put it out that it wasn’t cool, and,” Gem ducked her head down a little. “I think she feels bad what you went through. I mean, I can’t imagine.” Her eyes darted back to mine, and she bit down on her lip. “I’m really sorry for what you went through, too. I know I said it before, but I wasn’t sure if you wanted to talk about it or not. It makes sense why your cousins are so protective.”
My throat swelled up, and I bobbed my head up and down. Gem saying that meant a lot.
It also meant a lot that Theresa had squashed what else might’ve been said, at least from her group of friends.
After our last class, I told Clint my plans for the night.
He gave me an unreadable look before nodding. “Okay. You want me to go with my friends?”
I opened my mouth to respond, then realized I didn’t know what to say. I lifted up my shoulders. “I don’t know. Do you want to come with us?”
He frowned at me.
I frowned back.
His eyebrows furrowed down.
So did mine.
“You’re just mirroring everything I do.”
“You’re parroting me.”
“I’m ‘parroting’ you? I’m a parrot now? You’re calling me a bird?”
“Yes.”
“I’m not a parrot.”
“I never said you were.”
“You just did.”
“What–” Scout stopped by us. “--the fuck are you guys talking about?”
Clint pointed to me. “She called me a bird.”
“A parrot.”
“Yes! And you just said you weren’t doing that.”
“I said you were parroting me.”
“That’s a bird. A parrot. You’re repeating what I do.”
“But that’s not me calling you a parrot.”
Clint and I were doing our whole thing, but the underlying issue was that neither knew if he should come with me and Gem and her friends or if he shouldn’t. And neither of us wanted to make the decision because what if it was the wrong one?
So we were both stalling by pretending we were parrots.
As if both of us were thinking the same thing, our eyes met and held and as one, we turned to face Scout.
His own eyebrows went up and he stepped back. Those eyebrows went back down. “You guys are weird. People have told you that, right?”
Clint ignored that. “You’re the one who said Rams needs more female friends. What should she do?”
Scout’s eyebrows started to inch back up again, and he leaned forward, just slightly. “For her to make friends?” He scanned me up and down. “Of the female persuasion?”
Clint nodded. “Yeah. Should she go with them or not?”
I started to fight a grin. Clint was forgetting that Scout had not been here for the part about what and who I was invited to.
He shook his head. “What are you talking about?”
“Theresa extended an invitation to me via Gem. For me to eat with them and then go to the football game with them. And afterwards. Should Clint go with me or not?”
“Fuck no.” Scout’s eyebrows pinched together again. “Who are you people that you have to be joined at the hip all the time?”
“We’re not–” Clint started to say.
Scout cut in, “Don’t think Alex didn’t tell me about your sleepover.”
I shot a hand up. “That was an amazing sleepover and we all got drunk.”
Clint’s foot hit mine, and he glanced down at me. “That doesn’t help.”
“Alex said you all slept in the living room.”
I nodded, still enthusiastic. “Next time I’m hoping for forts and margaritas.”
Scout seemed confused.
Clint started laughing. “I’m thinking it’s time we let our little Ramsay spread some wings.” He took a dramatic step away from me to stand next to Scout, looking at me. “It’s time, Rams. It’s time you fly alone. You be the parrot now.”
Scout muttered a curse before leaving.
With our whole conversation, a new energy had popped up between Clint and I, and he knew it. I knew it. He smothered a smile, but I so knew what he was feeling.
I gave a slow nod, saying, “We’re going to do something stupid tonight, aren’t we? After the football game.”
His smile was almost blinding. “Oh, fuck yeah.” He held up a fist.
I met it with one of mine.
Gem came over, her bag on her backpack and held up a hand. “Uh… Do you need a ride home or anything? Theresa said we could give you a ride to your place and wait if you wanted to change or something before heading to Marco’s.”
“You’re going to Marco’s? I love Marco’s.”
Gem genuinely didn’t seem to know how to take Clint’s sudden exclamation. She faltered back a step and she dropped her phone. Cursing, she grabbed it, and blinked a bunch of times before looking at me. “Uh. I don’t know what to say here. You can’t come.” The last part was to Clint. “Not that you’re not invited to Marco’s because it’s a restaurant and of course, any and all customers are welcomed, but… This is our thing with Ramsay.” Her voice picked up. “If you come, you’ll change the whole dynamic and Theresa might not get to know Ramsay. I want her to get to know Ramsay.”
Now I was frowning. “Wait. Did Theresa invite me or did you invite me?”
“What’s the difference?”
“One is where I’m wanted and the other is where she thinks she’s doing me a favor by allowing me to ‘tag along.’ Two totally different scenarios.”
Clint said, “Thinking I’ll be seeing you at Marco’s.”
Gem let out a growl of frustration. “No! It’s–no. It’s nothing like that. I swear. Theresa invited you, but I’m glad because I think you guys could be good friends and I don’t want Alex to come because he’ll change the dynamic.”
“Clint.”
“What?” She threw him a frazzled frown.
“I’m Clint. Not Alex.”
“Oh. Then that’s even more that Clint can’t come. Sorry. Alex likes Marcos, that’s why I thought you were Alex.”
“Why is it even more than I can’t come?”
“Because–” She waved between him and myself. “You know.”
We did. He winked at me, flashing me a grin before pretending to pout. “My feelings are hurt. You’re her best female friend right now and you just hurt one of her cousins. How dare you? What kind of a friend are you?”
She sputtered, “Uh-wh–uh–what’s going on?!”
“He’s messing with you.”
“Not about Marco’s. I’m coming to Marco’s. Me and all my baseball friends who aren’t on the football team.”
Her mouth dropped. Clint sounded totally serious, but studying him, he was looking serious too. I needed to do something here. Gem couldn’t handle him. Tapping her on the arm, I said, “I’ll be right out and I’d appreciate a ride.”
Her eyebrows dropped down, as did the sides of her mouth, but she said, “Okay.” She edged forward, still looking at Clint before she headed towards the parking lot.
“Are you really coming?”
He jerked up a shoulder. “Thinking about it now.”
I shook my head. “I’ll be fine. I’ll call if I need something, but for real, don’t worry about me. See you at the game.”
“And we’ll do something after.”
I shot him a grin. “Oh yeah. Nothing too bad, though.”
He groaned. “Please.”
I had absolutely no idea how to take his last statement, but I was game to find out tonight. Until then, I was going to maybe make some friends or more likely, hope to get through a whole afternoon with them and no one would be killed. That was probably a better agenda.
Gem hung out at my locker when my cousins weren’t there, which wasn’t a lot and we went back to having lunch together. Cohen and Scout were scarce. I saw them a few times at Alex’s locker, but that was it. Scout kept to himself in our classes, and I didn’t see him in study hall again. Now it was Friday and besides a few nasty comments from people at school, most everyone wasn’t talking about my situation. They were talking about the football game, which I was down for. Yay for football. Yay for not gossiping about me, but I wasn’t stupid. I knew that wasn’t going away. It was just a matter of time before someone came at me about it. Until then, only football please.
“What’s your plans for the game?” Gem asked in our sixth period that day.
I shrugged. “No one’s brought it up, but Alex and Trenton are playing. I’m guessing Clint will sit in our section. Are you going?”
She nodded, scooting her chair closer. “Yeah. That’s why I’m asking. My cousin wanted to see if you wanted to go with us? Like, we’d pick you up and we usually grab food at a place. Mexican food. Would you be interested? Then we’d go to the game and wherever everyone goes afterward. That’s usually the plan.”
I was a little surprised because Gem had acted like she had no friends before now. But I nodded. “Yes. I’d love that.”
“Gabby won’t be there.”
“Oh. Okay. Wait. Is Gabby in your cousin’s group?”
“Kinda, but kinda not. It’s complicated. You don’t have to worry about Theresa. She’s not about what Gabby did, and when you confronted her and with the fact that Scout was your source, Theresa stopped a lot of what people might’ve been saying. She put it out that it wasn’t cool, and,” Gem ducked her head down a little. “I think she feels bad what you went through. I mean, I can’t imagine.” Her eyes darted back to mine, and she bit down on her lip. “I’m really sorry for what you went through, too. I know I said it before, but I wasn’t sure if you wanted to talk about it or not. It makes sense why your cousins are so protective.”
My throat swelled up, and I bobbed my head up and down. Gem saying that meant a lot.
It also meant a lot that Theresa had squashed what else might’ve been said, at least from her group of friends.
After our last class, I told Clint my plans for the night.
He gave me an unreadable look before nodding. “Okay. You want me to go with my friends?”
I opened my mouth to respond, then realized I didn’t know what to say. I lifted up my shoulders. “I don’t know. Do you want to come with us?”
He frowned at me.
I frowned back.
His eyebrows furrowed down.
So did mine.
“You’re just mirroring everything I do.”
“You’re parroting me.”
“I’m ‘parroting’ you? I’m a parrot now? You’re calling me a bird?”
“Yes.”
“I’m not a parrot.”
“I never said you were.”
“You just did.”
“What–” Scout stopped by us. “--the fuck are you guys talking about?”
Clint pointed to me. “She called me a bird.”
“A parrot.”
“Yes! And you just said you weren’t doing that.”
“I said you were parroting me.”
“That’s a bird. A parrot. You’re repeating what I do.”
“But that’s not me calling you a parrot.”
Clint and I were doing our whole thing, but the underlying issue was that neither knew if he should come with me and Gem and her friends or if he shouldn’t. And neither of us wanted to make the decision because what if it was the wrong one?
So we were both stalling by pretending we were parrots.
As if both of us were thinking the same thing, our eyes met and held and as one, we turned to face Scout.
His own eyebrows went up and he stepped back. Those eyebrows went back down. “You guys are weird. People have told you that, right?”
Clint ignored that. “You’re the one who said Rams needs more female friends. What should she do?”
Scout’s eyebrows started to inch back up again, and he leaned forward, just slightly. “For her to make friends?” He scanned me up and down. “Of the female persuasion?”
Clint nodded. “Yeah. Should she go with them or not?”
I started to fight a grin. Clint was forgetting that Scout had not been here for the part about what and who I was invited to.
He shook his head. “What are you talking about?”
“Theresa extended an invitation to me via Gem. For me to eat with them and then go to the football game with them. And afterwards. Should Clint go with me or not?”
“Fuck no.” Scout’s eyebrows pinched together again. “Who are you people that you have to be joined at the hip all the time?”
“We’re not–” Clint started to say.
Scout cut in, “Don’t think Alex didn’t tell me about your sleepover.”
I shot a hand up. “That was an amazing sleepover and we all got drunk.”
Clint’s foot hit mine, and he glanced down at me. “That doesn’t help.”
“Alex said you all slept in the living room.”
I nodded, still enthusiastic. “Next time I’m hoping for forts and margaritas.”
Scout seemed confused.
Clint started laughing. “I’m thinking it’s time we let our little Ramsay spread some wings.” He took a dramatic step away from me to stand next to Scout, looking at me. “It’s time, Rams. It’s time you fly alone. You be the parrot now.”
Scout muttered a curse before leaving.
With our whole conversation, a new energy had popped up between Clint and I, and he knew it. I knew it. He smothered a smile, but I so knew what he was feeling.
I gave a slow nod, saying, “We’re going to do something stupid tonight, aren’t we? After the football game.”
His smile was almost blinding. “Oh, fuck yeah.” He held up a fist.
I met it with one of mine.
Gem came over, her bag on her backpack and held up a hand. “Uh… Do you need a ride home or anything? Theresa said we could give you a ride to your place and wait if you wanted to change or something before heading to Marco’s.”
“You’re going to Marco’s? I love Marco’s.”
Gem genuinely didn’t seem to know how to take Clint’s sudden exclamation. She faltered back a step and she dropped her phone. Cursing, she grabbed it, and blinked a bunch of times before looking at me. “Uh. I don’t know what to say here. You can’t come.” The last part was to Clint. “Not that you’re not invited to Marco’s because it’s a restaurant and of course, any and all customers are welcomed, but… This is our thing with Ramsay.” Her voice picked up. “If you come, you’ll change the whole dynamic and Theresa might not get to know Ramsay. I want her to get to know Ramsay.”
Now I was frowning. “Wait. Did Theresa invite me or did you invite me?”
“What’s the difference?”
“One is where I’m wanted and the other is where she thinks she’s doing me a favor by allowing me to ‘tag along.’ Two totally different scenarios.”
Clint said, “Thinking I’ll be seeing you at Marco’s.”
Gem let out a growl of frustration. “No! It’s–no. It’s nothing like that. I swear. Theresa invited you, but I’m glad because I think you guys could be good friends and I don’t want Alex to come because he’ll change the dynamic.”
“Clint.”
“What?” She threw him a frazzled frown.
“I’m Clint. Not Alex.”
“Oh. Then that’s even more that Clint can’t come. Sorry. Alex likes Marcos, that’s why I thought you were Alex.”
“Why is it even more than I can’t come?”
“Because–” She waved between him and myself. “You know.”
We did. He winked at me, flashing me a grin before pretending to pout. “My feelings are hurt. You’re her best female friend right now and you just hurt one of her cousins. How dare you? What kind of a friend are you?”
She sputtered, “Uh-wh–uh–what’s going on?!”
“He’s messing with you.”
“Not about Marco’s. I’m coming to Marco’s. Me and all my baseball friends who aren’t on the football team.”
Her mouth dropped. Clint sounded totally serious, but studying him, he was looking serious too. I needed to do something here. Gem couldn’t handle him. Tapping her on the arm, I said, “I’ll be right out and I’d appreciate a ride.”
Her eyebrows dropped down, as did the sides of her mouth, but she said, “Okay.” She edged forward, still looking at Clint before she headed towards the parking lot.
“Are you really coming?”
He jerked up a shoulder. “Thinking about it now.”
I shook my head. “I’ll be fine. I’ll call if I need something, but for real, don’t worry about me. See you at the game.”
“And we’ll do something after.”
I shot him a grin. “Oh yeah. Nothing too bad, though.”
He groaned. “Please.”
I had absolutely no idea how to take his last statement, but I was game to find out tonight. Until then, I was going to maybe make some friends or more likely, hope to get through a whole afternoon with them and no one would be killed. That was probably a better agenda.