CHAPTER FIFTY SIX


Jace got us in a car and now we were in a room. I hadn't paid attention. I
just knew my brother was free, with Marcus, and I had a few theories that Jace
knew something about it.


I waited.


And then, when Jace lifted the curtains to glance out the window, I asked,
very calmly, "You went to my brother, didn't you?"


The curtain fell from his fingers and weariness settled over him. Jace lifted
his gaze to meet mine, but I didn't like what I saw.


I inwardly gasped, but I outwardly seethed, "You went to my brother. You got
him free. And now he's with Marcus…because of you. Isn't he!"


My heart beat twice.


The room was silent.


And then Jace whispered, "Yes."


If a truck had been barreling straight at me—I would've stood there and
waited for it. I would've been hit by it and sent hurdling—that's what I felt
now.


Lambasted.


"Are you serious?" I choked out. "My brother. My brother, Jace!"


"I know!" Jace yelled back. "I had to—"


"Your 'deal with the devil', right?" I mocked, twisted. "You had no
right—"


"I had every right!" Jace shouted. "I had to. I had no choice. I need someone
close to Marcus. Stirley is gone. Jake's out. I needed someone….I didn't know
who else to approach and…he hates me, but he loves you. He might help us."


"He won't!" I declared. "Krein has never chosen the right side. Never. I
thought—do you know what you've done?"


Incredulity flashed across his features. He threw his hands wide, "Is this
about you or Krein? Because, for me, this is about the job!"


"This is more than that for me." This was my life, my world—my brother. Krein
was…. "He was supposed to come out a better man. He was supposed to…be better.
Everything was supposed to be better."


Jace slumped in a chair in the corner. It was old, ragged, and torn at the
ends. I wondered, dazed, how many others had sat there and what their stories
were. I wondered what their unrealized dreams were and how they coped when they
were shattered.


Krein had been my hope. He'd been my salvation early on, he'd been my Judas
later on, and then he'd been forced to change.


I had hoped. I had hoped that he would change, but now…he was given an out.
He got an easy out and he went back into the Lions' Den.


"He can't…" I started, raspy. "Krein doesn't know how to be a good man. He
doesn't know the reason to be a good man because nothing's good ever come to him
out of being…good. I wanted him to be…honorable."


"Then you should've told him earlier about his son." Jace murmured. He
watched me, just waiting for my reaction.


We were in a hotel room. I saw that now. And the bedspread was a quilt. It
wasn't a normal low-rank motel. The quilt had been handled with love. Someone
took hours and days to make that quilt. It was an embodiment of hands, thought,
and a back bent to create the interweaving colors and patterns.


Someone had made it with laughter, perhaps loneliness, or even with their
thoughts elsewhere—maybe they'd made it to pass the time, to keep from
boredom.


Perhaps.


There was a pink heart in the middle with yellow rays of sunshine intermixed.



Someone had taken time to place that bedspread before me.


"He did know." I breathed out. "He did know and he didn't want anything to do
with him."


"He didn't know, Maya." Jace stood now. "He didn't know about Gray. Not until
you told him when you went to visit."


I shook my head. "Cherry told him. She went to him and—"


"Yeah." Jace interrupted me. "He told me. He said what you told him—that she
tried to tell and he gave her money for an abortion, but he didn't know. Maya,
he didn't goddamn know. You wanted a better man—knowing that he had a kid
would've made him a better man. He's lost his kid, just like I lost mine. We
were both screwed—know how that feels? No woman knows because you always know,
you're the first to know…he was mine too. He was a part of me."


Jace hung his head.


He wasn't talking about Gray or Krein or my turmoil.


"I'm sorry." I murmured.


Jace looked up, searching.


"I'm sorry that Kendra told you too late."


His eyes closed.


He'd been told and then he had to bury her.


"Did you…" I was going to ask if he'd told anyone about her, about what he
had to do. I knew that answer—I was the first that he'd told. It was a secret
that had defined him and his mission in life.


Jace shook his head and stood up. His shirt lifted slightly and I got a
glimpse of his defined abdominal muscles—his back twisted and I saw a scar where
I hadn't viewed before.


"What happened?" I asked and moved behind him.


Jace stopped, startled, but he didn't turn to face me.


I lifted up his shirt again and traced the scar with my fingertips.


Jace shivered slightly.


It was long, narrow, but it had been deep.


"It's nothing." Jace shrugged, but he didn't move away from my touch.


I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against his back with my fingers on
his scar.


We were both scarred and we both had missions to better our lives, reasons
why we did what we did—Jace's had been defined in that moment when Kendra came
to him and told him that their child was already gone. And then she overdosed
and Jace buried her.


Alone.


I took a deep breath and slipped my arms around his waist.


Jace held my hands in his and surrendered, "I'm sorry about Krein. He was the
only option, Maya."


I knew that. I knew why he had done what he had done, but it didn't matter
because my heart wasn't listening to my mind.


I felt like a child who had been standing on an invisible hill, without
realizing it, and that hill was gone. For some reason—Krein had been my
hope.


"Does he know that Marcus has Gray?"


"Yes. It was the leverage I had to use against him."


It was risky. Krein had been Jace's best friend, but he'd been betrayed by
that best friend. Trust and loyalty had been shattered. Krein had condemned Jace
to hell—he'd spat when he mentioned Jace's name. I sat there, across the glass
barrier, and I watched the contempt.


Jace approached, offered him an out—Krein was given freedom and a ready-made
powerful boss.


And Marcus would snap Krein up without a second's thought. Krein was my
brother. That was access that was invaluable.


On one side: a sister and son.


On the other side: vengeance against the hated best friend, money, and power.



Krein had already walked away from the sister and son for the temptations.
Why would he choose better this time?


Who knew what side Krein would fully fall with?


It was a deal with the devil.


"And if he chooses Marcus?" I asked softly.


Jace didn't answer. It's why he hadn't told me in the first place, because of
what he might have to do if Krein became too powerful with the wrong side.


Jace would need to eliminate him—eventually.


"I'm supposed to be angry at you." Jace spoke. "You left me, remember?"


I had.


I moved away and said swiftly, "I had to." I approached the window and took
the look-out stance now.


Jace stood behind me. "Why?"
Because it had been about Munsinger. I needed
to go in there and remember him, not the Master, not the mission—nothing.


"I didn't go to get the book—I did, but…I needed to say goodbye to Munsinger.
It's why I needed to go alone."


"You knew Marcus would be there?"


"Yeah. I imagined he would be, but I had a way out."


"You always have a way out." Jace remarked. "One of these days, your way out
is going to be a trap, Maya."


"Probably." I grinned, brokenly. "Marcus wanted me to have the book. He
didn't even look at it when we were talking. Why does he want me to have the
book?"


"Because it's a game. Because he…wants this done."


I turned. I heard the slight infliction on his tone.


Jace was lying. He was always lying. We'd grown past the games.


"Stop lying." I cut out. I stared, unyielding.


Jace gauged me, he saw the end of my rope.


He told me, "Because I think that Marcus and the Smokescreen are having
problems. Marcus gets the kids there, but the smokescreen deals them out. I
think the Smokescreen has started to do business with Broozer, who used to be in
power in New York, but that's changed. Marcus has stepped up in New York—I think
it's because of the Smokescreen."


"What part are we? What comes out of us finding where the kids are?"


Jace hesitated, but just a moment. He shook his head, "Do you know how
difficult this is for me? I haven't told anyone everything in…never. I have
never trusted someone like you—do you get how hard this is?"


"Jace." I stepped towards him. I said softly, but menacing, "If you don't
tell all right now—I'm gone. I'm done with this. Marcus told me that I was a
pawn. You told me the same thing. You have been studying this job for years—I'm
on a fast learning curve, but you are using me as much as Marcus and I'm getting
tired of it. It's all or I'm doing this my way, and I'm doing it alone too."


It was decision time and I was done denying that it had always been between
us.


Jace and I always played the power game. It held different stakes in the
beginning—games of who was who and who wasn't who. This time—it wasn't a game
and Jace read that in my eyes. Or he better...


Finally, Jace murmured, "Marcus is giving us the books because he's closing
it off anyway. Something big is going done, but I don't know what it is. There's
conflict between Marcus and the Smokescreen and I think that he's using us to
take the Smokescreen done. That's what I think because it's the only thing that
makes sense, but there's so much about this that doesn't make sense. It's
like…everything's personal. You're personal. I'm personal. Krein—it's personal
for him. Marcus….I don't know who the Smokescreen is."


"But you have a theory." I mused.


"Yeah and that—that I won't tell you."


"Why not?"


"Don't push me." Jace clipped out, but I saw the warning glint in his eyes.



I hesitated, "Are you…are you protecting me from something?"


I said 'all.' I wasn't getting 'all.'


"Tell me why I shouldn't leave. Tell me why you are keeping, yet again,
something from me?" I demanded. Fiercely. "I can't lose my brother and my
nephew. And I'm feeling like I've already lost Krein. I can't do that—I can't
lose him. I lost Munsinger, how many more sacrifices?"


"And I lost my brother and my son." Jace threw back. "You think I signed up
for those sacrifices? I didn't. I'd do anything—anything—"


He choked off and turned away. His hands were in fists with his arms tensed.
They jerked upwards, as if to punch something—someone—but there wasn't anything
there. It was just air.


You can't strike the air. It's impervious.


"Trust me." Jace said raggedly. "It's for your own good because if I'm
wrong—the damage is already done. I can't undue my suspicion, Maya. I don't want
to take that risk, not with you."


I jerked away.


"Not when you've lost so much already." Jace finished.


"It doesn't help." I told him.


"I know."


It wasn't going to get solved. He wasn't going to tell me. So I said instead,
"Are you in contact with Krein?"


"Yeah. We're supposed to meet up tomorrow night."


"What's tomorrow night?"


I had to be there.


Jace answered, "We're hoping that you'll have the books decoded and I can
tell him when and where. He's supposed to get as much information for me."


"Where?"


"Don't."


"What?" I looked back. I was always looking back.


"Don't push this. Krein doesn't want you to come. I have to respect that—I
have to. I have no other choice."


"It could be a trap. He might be leading Marcus to you." I countered.


Jake shook his head. "Krein doesn't you there because he doesn't want you to
hear what he's had to do. I wouldn't want Brian to know—I tried to keep him out
as much as possible. It's—he's trying to be your older brother—"


"We hope. I hope."


"Yeah." Jace sighed.


"Why was Chance there? Marcus wanted Chance. He didn't want me."


Jace stood up and opened his bag. "I'm going to shower and then I'm going to
find Chance."


"You're going to ask why he was there?" I watched as Jace stripped off his
shirt. He unbuttoned his jeans. His trim hips were merely accentuated from the
black briefs underneath. He grabbed another set of clothes, laid them out, and
then walked into the bathroom.


I followed. Jace turned on the shower, tested it, and remarked, "I'm going to
ask him who tipped him off to be there in the first place."


"It could've been Marcus. I think Marcus wanted him there to find Lily. But
he did say that it was anonymous."


"That's bullshit." Jace drawled and chucked off the rest of his clothes. He
stepped underneath the water, but replied through the shower curtain, "We're
DEA. It's basic skills to learn who the anonymous tips are."


"And if he doesn't know?" I leaned against the doorframe.


"Then he has a lead. I'm going to find that lead."


"You think it's the Smokescreen?"


"I think it was the Smokescreen and I think Marcus was there to take Chance
because of the Smokescreen. I didn't get anything out of him before he took
off."


"That doesn't make any sense. Chance doesn't know who the Smokescreen
is…Marcus wants Chance to find Lily. He wants me and Lily back with him."


"Maybe, but I think there's more to it. If I were Marcus, and I've been in
his shoes—I'd want to know why Chance was targeted. I'd want to know why, how,
and what I could gain from that information. This world—you can only survive by
knowing everything. It's when you don't know, that's when you usually die." Jace
clipped out and stepped out of the shower. He quickly dried his hair and patted
down his body.


He held the towel loosely and looked up to meet my gaze.


I was in the doorway.


He needed to pass me to get to his clothes.


I blocked him for a reason.


His eyes darkened to a smoldering silver.


The air changed.


He asked softly, "Two seconds ago you were threatening to walk out."


"Two seconds ago I was tired of being kept in the dark."


"I didn't ask for you to go alone. You found out where the Master was and you
left—when I was sleeping. I should be the one angry, Maya." Jace's shoulders
bunched together.


"Sleeping together and being partners messes things up." I stated, huskily.
The need was rising.


"I'm not truthful with my partners." Jace grinned, but his eyes still
smoldered. They were gauging what I wanted—if anything—my reaction. He was a
tightly coiled marvel, but he watching me as the same.


"You're not with me either."


"Lying has kept me alive." Jace broke it down.


"It's kept me alive too." I shot back, but I was tired of it. I was tired of
it before I ever started—at nine years old.


"So what are we doing here?"


"When's this been about you and me?" I returned, swiftly.


Jace flashed a grin. "When's it not?"


I closed my eyes. I wanted him. I wanted to feel him, but—, "When are you
going to tell me it all?"


His grin vanished.


I opened them. His eyes were a calm gray now. No silver and no smoldering.
"It's gone farther than sex for me, Jace. Seeing Marcus, hearing him—he was
right. I'm a pawn and you're both using me. So you have to know…it's gone
farther than sex for me."


He looked down at his towel.


I chanced it, "Has it for you?"


Jace shook his head, saddened. "That's not the question that should be asked
right now."


"What's the question?" I held my breath.


"If it can be more than sex. That's the question, Maya. Not if it has."


"I don't trust a lot of people, Jace." I told him. "I care about a lot, but I
don't trust a lot. We've broken a lot of those walls between the two of us, but
we're entering a deeper realm. A decision is coming…"


"Stop it." Jace said harshly, surprising me. "Stop it."


I stopped, but I looked away. "I think you just answered the question."


"Just…" He raised a tense hand again, closed his eyes, and sighed. He tucked
the towel around him and moved past me to the bed.


I watched as he dressed.


I watched as he tucked each gun in each holder. I watched as he bent, the
back of his shirt lifted up and revealed that same scar—he'd never told me where
that scar had come from.


Jace was finished and ready to find Chance. He waited at the door and
hesitated.


"I'll start trying to decode these." I gestured to the books. Jace had
brought the other two.


Jace nodded, half turned, and murmured, "You have money? For food? I don't
know long I'll be gone."


"I stole a bunch from Kale."


Jace nodded, approving. And then he left.


I wasn't left desolate. I was just…behind.


And three books were laid out before me. I had a job to do. Supposedly, I was
the decoder, but I was more than that.