CHAPTER FIFTY ONE


I woke and rolled over. No Jace. And then I checked my watch and I saw that I
had slept a few hours. Still—it was something.


As I walked upstairs, after a depressing shower, I smelled the aroma of a
freshly brewed pot of coffee.


I turned into the kitchen, but instead of Jace at the pot, it was Jake.


He turned, stopped, saw me, and then poured me a cup.


"Thanks." I murmured as I took it.


"Uh…" Jake looked over my shoulder and said, "Jace had to go out. He had…he
had an errand to run."
I sipped the coffee and asked, "What kind of
errand?"


"Just…" Jake shrugged. "I don't know. He doesn't tell me a whole lot. He just
said what to say in case you woke up."


"Oh." I took another sip.


"Yeah." Jake sounded relieved.


I glanced at the table and asked, "What is all this?"


"Locations. Meetings. Blueprints—Jace thinks that there's a pattern and we
just haven't seen it yet. This is all the stuff that we know has happened, like
Marcus' old meetings and stuff. Jace thinks that it all centers around
something, one thing, but…we haven't been able to figure it out." Jake scratched
his head.


The ceiling creaked and we both looked up.


I watched as Jake's eyes lingered a moment and asked, "Have you told her who
you are yet?"


"I had to after we saw you guys in New York. It was like she was after a bone
or something."


Yeah—that was Cora.


"She loves you, you know." I took another sip. My fingers felt warm around
the cup. "She's never loved a guy before, not really."


"Yeah." He hung his head and braced his arms on the table. I saw that he wore
a shoulder holster. It hung limply. "We had a good heart to heart after we ran
into you. She told me how she used to be, but I remember how you were the last
time we saw each other."


"She's family." I only said. Family times meant family, period. It was
all…inconsequential.


"So…" Jake straightened again. He tossed a pen onto the table. His hands
found his lean hips. "Jace is back, huh? With the Panthers?"


"Considering that he has to die to leave, I'd say 'yes.'"


I watched him.


Here was Jace's other side. His other world and that world stood in complete
opposition of what a Panther was, of the world that Jace led again.


Jake only shook his head, "Not good for the bureaucrats."


"Are you going to rat on him?" I asked sharply.


Jake swung his head and found me with his eyes. He read the intensity inside
of me and shook his head, "No, but…it doesn't bode well for Jace when he's done
with this."


I said lightly, "Guys like Jace don't go back in. He's not an office
guy."


"Guys like him—" Like Stirley. "—set the bar for everyone else, but a guy
can't live in the field all his life. He does and he…"


"He dies." I finished it for him.


"Yeah."


"He did what he had to do." I said shortly and moved back to refill my
cup.


Jake looked over the papers, mumbled at times, and scratched his head a
lot.


I sat in the corner and wrote on a piece of paper.


That was how we spent the rest of the night until the door opened around five
in the morning.


Jace walked in, looking haggard and fatigued.


I stood up, but Jake got to him first. Their heads bent together. Jace
reassured him about something and both of them ignored my presence.


I held back and gave them space.


When they were done, Jace bypassed Jake and filled his own cup of coffee.


He approached the table and met my gaze for a brief moment.


"You need to sleep or you're going to get sick." I said bluntly.


And surprisingly, Jace nodded. "Are you going to come with me?"


"I slept alone."


"But I stayed until you fell asleep."


Jake grinned and waved a hand, "Go. I'll ponder these puzzles alone and hold
down the fort."


"Okay." Jace grinned and waited for me.


As we walked downstairs and crawled underneath the covers, I asked him, "Are
you going to tell me where you just went."


Jace sighed and laid on his back. "I just gambled—big time."


I sat up. "What are you talking about?"


Jace shifted to look at me. He traced a hand down my arm and caught my hand.
"I don't know, but….I did what I had to do."


"What'd you do?" I asked huskily.


Jace pulled me to lay on top of him. His hands rested on my waist, in the
small of my back. He kissed my forehead and confessed, "I broke a deal with the
devil. We'll see if it works out or if we get burned because of it…I don't
know."


"Who's the devil?"


"I can't—not yet. I can't say anything yet, but…I will when I can. I
promise."


I searched his eyes and saw his earnest truth. I let go and I trusted. I'd
been doing that a lot lately.


Jace whispered, "Let's sleep for a little bit before someone gets up."


I laid down to his side and felt his arm sweep me close. I murmured, "I need
to go off on my own tomorrow."


"Why?" Jace asked softly.


"Because I need everything to sink in. There's too much…I can't do it here. I
have to figure out where the book is, it's the only way to save Gray." My eyes
closed. "I have to save Gray."


"You will." Jace whispered.


"I have to…"


Jace shifted and pressed a kiss to the corner of my mouth.


And just like that, the fatigue was gone and instead was our hunger.


He rose above me, I swept him down, and his lips found mine.


I breathed him in. I needed him.


The urgency built.


His hand slid down my body and wrapped one of my legs to entwine around
his.


His mouth followed the same trail.


My hands found his hair. They held on, helpless.


Jace rose back up. Our mouths fused together, his tongue swept in. His
fingers found my heat. I gasped and arched my back, against him.


Our other times had been urgent, explosive. This time, we just needed the
other. It was slow, quiet, and it was more this time.


Afterwards, Jace curled me into him and sighed, surrendering.


I couldn't keep my eyelids open and then, when his fingers entwined with
mine, I fell back asleep.


I dreamt of the same little girl. She had golden curls that framed her little
heart-shaped face. Her grey eyes sparkled. She wanted to tell me something, but
I couldn't hear her.


She smiled. She laughed. And she danced in a circle with her arms spread out
wide. She was in a forest, but there were others with her. I just couldn't see
them. The sun hit her face. She tipped her head back and smiled as the sunbeam
warmed her face.


Just as I heard her voice, her laugh—my eyes snapped open and I bolted
upright in bed.


I gasped for breath—I couldn't get enough.


It took me a little bit before I realized that I sat in an empty bed. A ray
of sunshine filtered onto my bed. It warmed my hands first and then I lifted
one. I looked at it, confused, and I felt the sun's warmth on my own face.


I looked up and saw a window that I had never known was there before.


"You're up." Kai murmured from the stairs.


I turned around.


She had been sitting on the stairs. She stood up now.


"Have you been waiting for me to wake up?" I asked. My voice was hoarse.


"Yeah…" Kai walked to the bed, but faltered. "Are you okay?"


"I'm just…I feel weird." I could only explain that much. The little girl—I
couldn't explain her. I didn't know who she was, what she was. "I'm fine. I'll
be fine."


Kai frowned, but hugged herself. She noted, softly, "You've lost weight."


"So have you." I murmured and ran a hand over my face. Everything was…hazy. I
shook my head and squinted. She had lost weight, but Kai had always been skinny.
Her short brown hair had been chopped to frame her face. She had another
piercing in her nose and she had never worn sports jerseys like the one that
engulfed her small frame.


"The Suns, huh?" I gestured to her jersey.


"Oh. Yeah. Kale likes them."


That was her boyfriend's name. I'd forgotten.


Kai sat and tucked her legs underneath her on the bed. She pointed upstairs,
"Cherry's out. Steve got her some medication last night so that she could sleep.
She hadn't slept until…last night was the first time."


I yawned and sat up.


"I'm sorry about Gray." She said wit her hands tucked underneath her tiny
frame. "He was your nephew."


Yeah. He was.


"Yeah…"


Kai tried to smile, but failed horribly. A tear slipped from her eye instead
and that's when I opened my arms. She came to them and we stayed there for
awhile.


Kai always needed to be held. She had a heart that stood, uncertainly, on
it's own but would much rather huddle in some corner with someone to stand and
protect her. That was just Kai—she'd become that way from her life, from the
home that most of us had left behind.


"Kale thinks I'm such a baby." She admitted, softly.


"You are." I laughed.


Kai gasped, but smiled as she sat back up on the bed. "I know I am, but…he's
not supposed to think that. I don't want him to think that about me. I want to
be…" She looked at me.


"Me?" I asked. "No, you don't."


Kai shrugged and looked away. "Maybe. I mean…"


"Kai, what's wrong?"


She sighed and looked at her hands. "Nothing."


"Kai."


Her eyes looked back up. "It's just…he wants me to do things that…I don't
feel comfortable doing. And this is stupid—Gray—I mean…my problems are
dumb."


My throat dried and I asked, intent, "What do you mean that he wants you to
do things? Sexually?"


Kai looked away.


Kai did anything for her boyfriends. Everyone knew that. It wasn't right, but
Kai wouldn't change. If something was making her uncomfortable….


I sat up. "Tell me."


"I love Kale."


"Sounds like he doesn't love you back."


"Maya." Kai cried out.


"What does he want you to do?"


"Nothing." She bit her lip.


"Kai, you started this conversation because you needed to talk about it. You
need to talk about it so tell me."


"Promise me you won't do anything."


I stayed quiet.


"Maya." She pleaded.


"I can't tell you that because you know that it's wrong. You're telling me
because you know that I will do something about it. Tell me, Kai. You can't
protect him if he's not respecting you."


She shifted uncomfortably on the bed. As she watched the blanket, she
confessed, uncertainly, "I…he just wants me to do things….with cameras
and…others…"


"Let me guess." I said dryly. "It's not you and him in front of the
cameras."


Kai shook her head. She couldn't meet my eyes.


"I'm going to kill him." I said swiftly and threw off the blankets.


"Maya."


"What?" I stopped. The basement was cold.


"I told you because….I had to tell someone—"


Jace faltered on the steps as he caught the choked sentence from Kai. His
eyes met mine, but he walked to where he'd placed a bag. He retrieved something
and slid it into his pocket before he turned and left back up the stairs.


Kai waited until the door had shut from above and said, "Look…I love Kale, I
just…sometimes he pushes things."


"If he's a pervert, he's a pervert." I retorted. "You can't love a
pervert."


"Look, don't say anything to Cherry. Okay? I wouldn't want her to worry about
me when…she's got Gray to worry about now." Kai murmured and let loose another
breath. "I just—" She sunk back on the bed. "I don't know what to do, Maya. What
do I do?"


"You cut him loose."


"Easy for you to say!" Kai cried out and gestured upstairs. "That guy—he's
not Kale. Someone like that's not going to ever be interested in someone like
me. That's just the truth, Maya. And you know it."


"So what? You're stuck with Kale? That's the stupidest thing you've ever
said."


"You don't understand. You don't…"


"Kai. You've been my roommate for how long? You've dated some rank guys. I
met them all. It's not that hard to believe that Kale's another one. He just
looks pretty on the outside."


"But…"


"But what?"


"Why do I keep finding these guys? They're all the same. Do they hold some
convention on how to attract Kai Sullivan and make her fall in love with
them?"


I sat beside her and said, gently, "It's not rocket science, Kai. You have to
respect yourself before you find a guy who can respect you. Once you got the
inside cleaned up, you'll be seeing perverts a lot easier. You won't listen to
their bullshit."


I couldn't dish out any more hard love advice. The basement had turned from
cold to freezing. I crawled underneath the covers and asked, "Can you go and get
me something to wear from Cherry's room?"


"Oh yeah." Kai stood up. "That's why I came down, actually. She noticed that
you didn't have much with you guys when you got here."


"I don't care what you give me. Just give me something." I laid back down and
pulled the covers just underneath my head.


Kai stood uncertain on the steps, but went up without saying anything
else.


I didn't know how I felt about that. Kai always had the same problems. And my
advice was usually the same, but it got more direct with each boyfriend that she
let run ramshod over her heart.


Sometimes, I swear, some people just sign up for the victim slot.


Kai always found that guy who always put her in that slot.


Cherry and I had taken our turns cleaning up Kai's mess. The first few times,
but Kai always got another replacement. No matter how much I wanted to just
threaten the guy, or ask Jace for a favor, it wouldn't solve the problem.


Kai needed to solve the problem.


I knew what she'd do.


She'd listen to what I had to say. She'd make her stand. Her and Kale would
fight and he'd treat her right for awhile. And then…in a few months, they'd be
back to where they were now.


Kai would loosen, want to be loved, and he would know it—no matter who the
guy was.


Kai had to make it stop. She had to teach the guys how to treat her and she
had to make the demand on herself first.


The door opened above, but it was Jace who tread downstairs. He had a pile of
clothing in one hand and a coffee in the other.


"Tell me that both of those are for me." I called out.


Jace sat on the bed and handed me the clothing first. He held the coffee and
nodded upstairs, "Your friend talking about that guy she's dating?"


I stopped as I had just lifted a shirt over the camisole that I had slept in.
"You know about him?"


Jace shrugged, "The guy's a poser. He's a douche."


"He's a pervert." I said disgustedly. I pulled on a black turtleneck and then
dressed in a loose-fitting pair of white pants. The fabric hung free, but they
were elegant in the same manner. "I like these."


Jace murmured, "The guy's already made a few comments about you." He stood up
and handed me the coffee, "If he keeps it up, your friend might not like me so
much."


"Why are you telling me this?"


"Because he's a problem and I don't like those problems where I work. The
only reason that I haven't dealt with it yet is a courtesy to you. If you don't
deal with it, I'm going to."


I glanced down to my pants. "I can't believe Cherry has clothes like these.
These are really nice. Rich."


Jace skimmed my figure, but was more interested in his bag. He extended a 9mm
to me and said, "This is in case we get raided. I want you to wear it."


"Who would raid us? I thought you said that Marcus wants us to find him."


"I don't know. Something's off. I don't think we're only playing ball with
Marcus and I don't like it when we've got another player in the mix that I don't
know."


"The Smokescreen?"


"Maybe." Jace went to the stairs. "Just keep the gun on you. I'll feel
better."


I tucked it into my pants and then looked up. "So you knew what kind of guy
Kale was from the start?"


"It's in his eyes." Jace said swiftly. "You going to that park?"


"I'd like to. I need to get away. It's all jumbled together right now." I
murmured.


"Okay." Jace nodded. "Some of the guys are going to go with you."


"What guys?"


"Kip, for sure. A few others probably."


"How is it that Kip is a sectional leader, but he's also here—doing your
dirty work."


Jace grinned briefly, "He's one of my Trusted first. I appointed me a leader
after that. He's here because his first job is to me and I want him here. I
trust him."


"Jake's a little uncertain about you being a Panther and an agent at the same
time."


"Yeah." Jace glanced upwards. "Jake's a black/white guy. He doesn't
understand how some things turn more gray the longer you survive." He turned to
leave, but moved back, "Oh…your friend's going to be sleeping all day. Steve
gave her a crapload of medication. He knocked her out."


I narrowed my eyes when I heard something in his tone. "What do you mean?
Like—intentionally or in a…"


Jace shook his head. "Steve's probably just one of those guys that's so
scared, he doesn't know what to do. He did what he needed. He saw that she
needed sleep and so he made sure that she got sleep, but…if he does it anymore,
it starts to look suspect."


"We know who took Gray, Jace. Don't tell me that you're thinking Steve had
any part of it."


"I'm not. I really think that he's a good guy who's trying to help. He's just
not helping as much as he could be."


"He's letting us all stay here. I'd say that he's helping."


Jace started up the stairs. I followed behind.


"Look," Jace murmured as we entered the foyer. "Just remember what I said—on
all accounts."


"Got it." I said dryly as I saw Steve and Kale in a corner. Kale was smirking
and Steve had a forlorn expression on his face.


Jace resumed his stance at the table. Jake automatically shifted to make room
for him.


Kai was in the kitchen. She sat at the table alone. She smiled gratefully
when she saw me.


Cherry slept above us all.