CHAPTER FORTY FIVE


Two guns. Two knives. One bulletproof vest. And a con's calculation. That's
what stood on my side.


Across that field, between every trap that Marcus had set, was a narrow path
for us to crawl across.


It wasn't enough.


Jace handed me a cover. Snipers used them to camouflage themselves. Mine was
covered in dirt. I'd blend just fine, but it'd take us two hours to cross the
field without raising any suspicion.


Nolan and Kip were positioned to handle any shooters.


That wasn't really reassuring, but it was too late in the game for any qualms
on my end.


Jace signaled for me to get into position and I did.


He led first, set the pace, and I bit my lip as I inched my body forward. We
were allowed to move one inch on the thirty second mark.


It took forever and while we were making our way, my mind wandered.


I knew Jace, but I didn't know Jace. I knew myself, but I didn't know myself.
And, for some reason, I was pretty sure that Jace knew the both of us, for the
both of us.


Maybe I had been manipulated, throughout it all, and I found him as the
result. And maybe Jace saw me coming and decided to use it for his advantage.
Maybe someone was good enough to make all the right moves, to push all the right
emotions, and I found myself mesmerized with the wind on that night as I stood,
alone, in the parking lot of my brother's prison.


Some of it sounded right and some of it didn't.


I was working with Jace, so their hopes had been for nothing. Unless…they
hadn't made their move yet. If that happened, I had a sudden knot of dread in my
stomach and a certainty that I didn't want that time to happen.


It's funny really. Everyone was right, in some fashion. I had stayed in
Pedlam because of Krein, but when I saw him, understood him, and knew him—I
needed another objective.


Whoever knew me, knew that yearning, and I had pounced on it, but for me to
believe that Ben the Bouncer was in on it—I couldn't completely swallow
that.


Ben was gruff, but he was lovingly gruff. For some reason, he had honor
written in his walk, but then again—he had worked for Jace.


And he had sent me to Taryn.


So maybe I was blind to the parts I didn't want to see. Maybe I was blind to
a lot of parts that I didn't want to see. In myself and in others.


Maybe that's the part that Jace only saw.


"Move." Jace whispered and brought me back to our five feet coverage.


It was amazing. Really. (Note the sarcasm.)


I ventured back to dream land.


I saw Krein's faults. I saw them only too well. And the thought that he had
sold me out, it didn't sting as much as I had thought. And I didn't know what to
think about that.


Maybe that was my button. Maybe Krein's betrayal was supposed to cut below
the waist more than it did.


Marcus wasn't my button. He was just my shame.


I had lied, deceived, betrayed, and prostituted myself to him. I committed
all those sins, but they weren't sins in my head.


I survived and those were the means to that end.


The sin that I had committed was inside that mansion. I had chosen to go
inside and to stay inside. I had chosen to wait as long as I did, even though it
was for good measure.


I wanted protection. I wanted to go to sleep at night and not worry about who
might appear in my bedroom. I wanted to know that my living room wasn't being
infested by drug dealers and drug addicts. Cherry and Kai were great roommates,
but they both hadn't conquered their drug habits until the last year and even
before then, they never said 'no' to their boyfriends.


Gray had slept in my room for the last few years, at least when Cherry wasn't
alone.


My time with Marcus had given me some protection and some terror at the same
time.


My mother had been an awful mother. She'd grown up, denying her climbing
years, and when my daddy had walked out; mom went on a binge to find the next
sugarpapa for her two babies.


After the eighth boyfriend, after the first time my bedroom door had been
opened by a faceless stranger, Krein started sleeping in my bedroom, on the
floor.


We both slept with knives.


Krein had protected me and then he'd left me.


That's why I left. I needed my protector again because I knew what would
happen if I had stayed with our mom.


She made Krein choose and then she made me choose.


Both choices had been quick with no other scenario in the mix.


So, yes, I had chosen the streets over my home. And it was why I avoided
group and foster homes.


It was finding the needle in the haystack. I wasn't going to find that one
good home among all the others.


I sold a part of my soul when I 'sacrificed' myself to Marcus so that Lily
could go free.


When I first saw Lily, I had been fascinated with her. She was protected. I
could tell that. She was taken care of and she was loved. I hadn't known how
treacherous her walls had been and a part of me hadn't cared because I wanted
what she had.


I wanted to sleep a night without my eyes open.


I wanted a part of Lily's life.


Look where it got me.


What I told Jace earlier had been true. I was different. I wasn't so sold on
the light. I was treading towards my sins while I had proclaimed Krein's sins,
as clear as day.


With each inch crawled, my hands shook a little everytime.


We were nearing my past haunts. And I, oh so, didn't want to go back, but it
was forced upon me.


It took two hours, but we finally covered the field.


"We hold…." Jace murmured, "Until….three…two…go!" Jace pushed upright and
plastered against the wall.


I hurried around him and coded in the numbers. The green light flicked on and
then Jace was around me, with a gun ahead of me.


He led again with his gun hand straight ahead and another firmly on my
stomach, holding me behind him and against the wall.


The garden was empty. Jace had asked about schedules. When the gardens were
tended to, watered, when anyone would be outside. He wanted to know everything
and I'd given him what I could.


Lunch was at noon and then there was an afternoon siesta.


Marcus sometimes ignored the siesta and on other days, he might sleep during
the time, make love, or have a few drinks on the patio. I highly doubted that
Marcus would be enjoying a lazy siesta, but one never knows.


I had been right.


The patio was empty. The two patios on the second floor were empty. And that
left us with one guard.


Even the pool looked peaceful, but with a dark looming shadow at it's
base.


"It's wrong." I whispered, to myself and to Jace.


"I know." Jace replied.


We went fast, faster and covered the grounds.


As we approached the house, I tugged on Jace and slipped around to the front.
The chapel was right in front of us with it's doors opened to the outside maze
of gardens, a tranquility walk, and fountains. The sanctuary was beyond the
chapel doors. It didn't connect outside so we needed to go through the chapel to
get to the sanctuary.


I led the way, but Jace held me back. He anchored an arm around my waist and
put the gun in front of me.


The chapel was empty. It held four rows of pews. The north window was a
portrait of Jesus, praying with a dove descending from his cupped palms. As the
light hit the window, the red sunbeams hit the altar in the front of the
chapel.


A bible was open on the alter with a robe placed beside it and cup for
communion on its other side.


Red carpet was beneath our feet.


Jace nodded and swept around me. The only other door led to the sanctuary and
Jace signaled for me to wait. He did a quick clean-sweep with his gun and then
returned to lead me inside.


While the chapel was in red, the sanctuary was cream. There were no chairs or
pews. Just an alter to pray upon with a kneeling pad before it. The walls were
cream with no windows in the room.


In the corner of the alter was Ben's picture and as I approached, I saw that
the book was there.


I lifted it up, turned to Jace, and the smile that had come to my face
vanished.


Marcus stood in the doorway, a gun in one hand, and a book in the other.


He smiled mockingly when he met my eyes.


Jace whirled, alerted by my eyes, and swung his gun in Marcus' direction.


"Oh oh ho." Marcus smiled. "Tell your lover to point his gun elsewhere."


I said nothing.


I saw what he held in his hand.


He held my book while I held his.


"It means nothing to me." I said quietly.


Jace frowned, but barked, "Put the gun away, Mallon."


"No. I don't think I will. You see, this is the only weapon of defense that I
have. How else can I guarantee that my guts won't be spilled here today?" He
chuckled. Twisted.


"Put it away!"


"No!" Marcus sent back.


"Maya." Jace said instead. "Go out the door."


I stayed in place. I whispered, "I want that back."


Marcus smiled.


Jace frowned.


"I want it back." I repeated, louder.


"Or what?" Marcus threw back. "You have mine so I wanted to remind you that I
have yours."


"I want it back!"


"No!"


Jace waited. He stood between us with his gun on Marcus. As I walked behind
him, Jace caught me with another arm. He anchored me behind him. Every inch I
pressed to get around, Jace held me firm.


He wasn't going to let me go to Marcus. So I stayed, in his arm, behind his
gun.


"It's not yours."


"That's not yours either, My Dove." Marcus said softly. His eyes had chilled
when Jace locked an arm around my waist. He said now, "I don't like him touching
you."


"She's not yours." Jace said swiftly.


"You are mine." Marcus said to me. "You have always been mine, Maya. I want
you back."


"I want that book back." I retorted.


"What's in the book?" Jace asked me without breaking his eyes from
Marcus.


I swallowed.


Marcus laughed. "Don't you want him to know?"


I didn't, but I knew he would.


Marcus smiled and my heart stopped, for a moment.


"You watched your momma get raped." He uttered those simple words. He
delivered them with so much ease, but they ripped something inside of me.


I was there again. I was in the doorway as my mother was on the bed, crying,
and he held her down underneath him.


"You watched the whole thing, didn't you, Mayan?" Marcus whispered.


I gasped silently.


Jace felt my body shudder, but he didn't look back at me. His fingers went
from holding me in place, to holding me in comfort.


I barely registered it at all.


My mother had pleaded to him, but she wasn't pleading for herself. She was
pleading for me. He told her that he was going to come for me. After he was
done, he was coming for me.


I heard him as I stood in that doorway. I had wanted to tell my mom about the
newest toy. I'd seen it on the television and I wanted it for Christmas. It was
the pound puppy Rufus.


"Your daddy did that, didn't he?" Marcus taunted. "And he was going to do the
same thing to you, too. Wasn't he?" He raised the book. "It's all here, Mayan.
Every last word of it."


I'd made the invisible visible. I had needed to write down what was in my
head so that it was out of my head. I wanted it anywhere, but inside of me. I
couldn't think when it was there. I couldn't do anything when it was in
there.


And I'd written much more in there.


Marcus had it all. I hadn't even realized that I had left it behind.


I realized now.


"You're going to die at the end of this, Mallon." Jace said softly.


"I am?" Marcus asked with confidence. "But I'm not the only one. I'm going to
take everyone down with me. Starting with you."


Jace just gleamed professionalism. It was as if nothing said had even
registered with him, as if he didn't care.


"Did you like hearing your mom cry?"


I gasped outloud this time.


It hadn't been the first time she'd cried. She'd cried at the kitchen sink,
in front of the fridge, while we watched my cartoons, as we ate breakfast. My
mom cried all the time. And then she stopped crying. And she became
desperate.


I wasn't going to become my mother.


I wasn't going to let some man do that to me and then get angry when he
didn't come home at night. I wasn't ever going to let someone touch me against
my will, but I had.


I'd let Marcus touch me. I'd let those two other men touch me. And I hadn't
wanted them. And then I had willingly signed up for Marcus' bed.


I had become my mother.


This was why Marcus was my shame. I became my mother through him.


"Who's going to be outside, waiting for us?" Jace asked.


Marcus laughed, shrilly, "I wanted you in here. I wanted to see Maya again.
You think I didn't know you were coming? You think that you would've gotten as
far as you did if I hadn't allowed it?"


"Then you're pretty damn stupid. We got the book."


"You're right." Marcus withdrew abruptly. Somber. "I hadn't thought you'd get
here as quick as you did. I had meant to remove the book, but it doesn't matter.
You won't be leaving here with the book or with Maya. She's mine."


Jace smiled now.


Stricken, I couldn't look away from his face.


Marcus ceased to be a shadow as I saw Jace smile at him.


"You think I came alone?" Jace asked, quietly.


Marcus was enraptured. His smirk disappeared.


Jace added, "You think I haven't dreamt about this? About meeting you face to
face? I have dreamt about it, but not about meeting you. I've dreamt about
finally have the go-ahead to just execute you. Here's the truth, Mallon. I
could've met you face to face a long time ago, but there's a reason why I can't
kill you. Not yet, but it's coming. You think you're some god-awful monster?
That you're the reason I've spent eleven years of my life in this world?"


Jace straightened. He no longer needed to hold me back.


Marcus watched him as a predator just realized that he was the prey.


Jace smiled, serene and cold in the same moment. "Evil breeds evil, Mallon.
You're just another result of what I'm vowing to take down. And you can't
comprehend that because what you believe is that this is all about you when it
actually has nothing to do with you."


Marcus snapped to attention and threw back, "My men are outside. They are
waiting to gun you down. You're in the lions' den, Daniel. And you're about to
be spit out."


"I want my book." I spoke up.


Marcus hesitated. We were on the precipice of something. Of what, I couldn't
say, but something was about to explode.


Marcus opened his mouth, more condemnation to be delivered, and then it
happened.


The door blasted open. Marcus was thrown against the wall and Jace had me on
the ground, shooting above me.


Bullets rained inside, but I just saw my book. It had flown free while Marcus
lay unconscious a few feet away. When Jace lifted his knee, just slightly, I
crawled out from him and hurried to my book. Just as my fingers grabbed it, Jace
had my arm and was lifting me around and back out the door.


The bullets had stopped, but instead of going out the chapel door, Jace
pushed me through the only other door. It connected the sanctuary to the rest of
the house.


Jace knew that they wanted us out the chapel. They wanted to herd us to our
slaughter, so he went in the opposite direction. Jace led to the actual lions'
den and we exchanged gunfire at every corner of the mansion.


Jace pushed our way through the kitchen.


"Where do we go?" Jace asked as he reloaded his clip and then slapped my gun
into my hand. "You have to shoot."


"Um…"


I shook my head clear. I needed to think.


"Where's Kip and Nolan going to be?"


"What are you thinking?" Jace whirled and shot out the door. He shut the
door. It opened, Jace shot again, and the door remained closed.


"There's two ways out of here, right?"


"What?"


"The back trail and the driveway, right?" I asked.


"No." Jace clipped out, hardened his jaw, and shot again as the door was
shoved open.


As he left my side to shut the door, I saw a guard appear and raised my hand,
steadily. I shot him back and Jace shut the door. This time he moved the table
in front and grabbed my hand.


"Come on." He sprinted up the back stairs.


"What do you mean 'no'? There's only two ways out of here."


"There's not." Jace only said, feinted to his left, and when a guard rushed
through the hallway, Jace grabbed him by the neck, lifted him, and slammed back
down. His neck snapped.


There was a time when I would've been fazed by that. I wasn't anymore.


Instead, I stepped over him and led the way to a back room.


As we ran, I asked again, "How else are we getting out?"


Jace shot behind me, shut the door, locked it in place and then took
inventory.


"We're in your old room?" He asked, incredulous.


I'd ran there by instinct. I hadn't thought about it, but now I looked. And I
remembered everything.


"Marcus keeps weapons in here." I remembered and threw open the closet. I
ripped out of his clothes. Jace threw them at the door and then darted to the
patio doors.


"We can go from here." He said.


"What?" I asked as I reached for more weapons.


"All those blueprints," Jace started.


"Yeah?"


"There's a tunnel that leads from this mansion."


I stopped and stared. "And when were you going to tell me this?"


Jace sighed, "You really want to have this out now?"


"I'm getting a little tired of putting things offs. We're going to remember
all the damn lies between us when we finally have 'that talk'."


"I know." Jace stared out the patio doors, grimly, and said, "Our window is
coming up. We have to get ready."


"What are we getting ready for?" I wasn't sure if I wanted to know.


"This was Sal's house. I doubt Marcus even knew about the tunnel, but Sal was
obsessed with escape routes. He always had two from every exit. There's probably
more than one tunnel, but the one that I know if is at the bottom of the
pool."


"What?" I exclaimed.


There was nothing in the pool. I'd swam it dozens of times.


"There's a mirror, right?" Jace smiled. It didn't reach his eyes.


There was. I waited.


"The mirror is actually the hatch leading to the tunnel. You can see up when
you're underneath it."


"And here I always thought it was one of Marcus' sick jokes." I murmured,
dryly. "We're going to jump into the pool, aren't we?"


"And we have to go in about thirty seconds." Jace checked his watch. "Kip and
Nolan were supposed to give us ten minutes once I signaled that we had the
book."


"When did you signal?"


"When you got the book." Jace unclipped his vest. "We need to leave these
here. Get undressed, quickly."


"Are you serious?"


Jace stopped, stared at me, and then said clearly, "What language are you not
understanding?"


My mouth snapped shut.


"Kip and Nolan are going to open-fire. They're going to cover us and we have
to jump into the pool. After that, we're going to have to sprint as far as it
takes. It could be miles, Maya. We can't be burdened by what isn't
necessary."


"I think a bullet-proof vest is necessary."


"It'll hold us back. Once we hit that water, we have to go right through that
hatch. You take your breath as you're going in and then we're going down the
hatch. We're not popping back up for breath. We're not giving them target
practice and when they come running, we have to be gone."


Jace glanced around, grabbed a trashbag and threw both books, our cellphones,
and guns inside. He secured the bag against his back, held in place by his
jeans.


"I don't like this plan."


"I don't care. We're going—now!"


Jace kicked open the doors and reached for me.


I had one second to literally rip off the vest and then his hand closed over
mine and we were airborne.