CHAPTER FORTY TWO


"I don't understand why you can't stay here." Taryn was arguing as Jace
packed. He didn't have enough to pack for long, but I knew that he was waiting
out Taryn, hoping she'd give up the fight and slink away to her corner.


Taryn refused and stayed in the doorway, arms crossed, as she said again,
"You should just stay. Let someone else do the job. They can do it. You can
just…stay."


"It doesn't work like that, Taryn. I shouldn't have even been hiding with you
guys, at all. Protocol stipulates that you should've been packed away and hidden
in another nice and cozy hideaway, not with me. Not with the agent working this
case."


"Maya's not needed."


I shrunk, just a tiny bit, when I heard that last part. Tray, Austin, and
myself were all in the living room. Austin had kicked up his legs and lounged
back while Tray and I sat on the couch, both listening to history overflow a cup
filled to the brim, too long ago.


"Maya is needed." Jace said patiently.


"Oh, I'm sure." I could've heard the eye-roll as her voice reflected her own
mysticism. "You need Maya like I need a dildo. Fun to have, but it's not really
needed."


Silence crept through the house.


Taryn had overstepped the line and Tray glanced sharply at me.


"Taryn." Jace warned, quietly, and ever the more dangerous, "You will back
off, now, or I will make you back off."


"What are you going to do? Shoot me? Let someone else kill me with a car
accident?"


Tray sucked in his breath and moved to stand up.


I shot out a hand and hauled him back down. "This is their fight."


Tray considered it, considered me, and sat down.


"Why don't you just say it and let your little jealousy issues out to play."
Jace requested, biting. "I'm tired of this, Taryn. You've never shirked from a
fight before, why start with me?"


I closed my eyes, exhausted from a sleepless night. Jace had asked to know
Munsinger and I had told him, for hours. I smiled, cried, and laughed at some of
the stories that I shared.


Jace had been right beside me the whole time.


"You want to know my beef?" Taryn proclaimed, hotly. "Fine! I have never lied
to you in my life and all you do is lie to me, and yet—out there—you can't lie
to her to save your life!"


Jace laughed, caustically, "Well that disproves your dildo theory. Trust me,
I could lie to a dildo."


"This is not funny!"


"What are you mad about? Really? Because it's not Maya, it's not that I'm
leaving, what is it, Taryn?!" After a tension riddled pause, he added, "Do you
even know?"


And then, a moment, and Taryn spilled it, hoarse, "You took Brian from
me."


I glanced up and saw that Tray already knew. He sat, resigned, right next to
me.


"Taryn…" Jace started, tentatively.


"He's gone, Jace."


"I know. I'm sorry. I…I didn't want that to happen to him. If I had known
about it, trust me—I would've stopped Galverson from—"


"No! Not that! His grave. You took him from me."


"Oh…" Understanding dawned.


"You moved him and you never thought to tell me. I loved him too, Jace. He
was mine as much as he was yours. Three years, you took him three years ago.
Where'd he go? Why didn't you just tell me so that I didn't walk to an empty
hole?"


"Taryn…"


"The last time I see you, it's all 'I love you' and just…everything and then
the next time I see you, you walk into my friend's house and you refuse to talk
to me, and you've got a new sidekick that's pretty hard to compete with." Taryn
spilled.


"What do you want me to say, Taryn?" Jace asked, now patient. "What…what can
I say to you?"


"I thought I was your family. I thought you loved me. I know it's irrational
and stupid, but I thought I knew you…"


A knock sounded at the door and I jerked. Everyone was startled in the living
room, but Tray stood, his jaw tight, and he approached cautiously.


He stopped, rigid, as he saw who was beyond the door.


I moved to stand beside him, my blade in hand, and I saw a muscular
bodybuilder with a blonde Mohawk and tattoos that riddled his shoulder, neck,
over his face, and circled down to his hands. He wore a piercing in both ears
and another in his lip.


He would've been handsome except for the dead look in his eyes.


"Who are you?" Tray clipped out. His hand crept behind him and I slipped a
gun into it.


Jace had insisted that I wear the vest again. We had to both wear ours
everytime we moved because any open air was dangerous for us.


"Kip." He clipped out. "I'm here for Lanser."


"Panther gang members make it a habit to come searching here?" Tray shot
back.


Kip didn't react, but said with a monotone voice, "Jace called me. He needs
help. I'm here to help."


"Maya." Tray said.


I went in back, but I backed away as I held the gang member's gaze the entire
time.


Taryn and Jace were quiet and they watched the doorway as I stepped into
it.


"Someone named Kip is here." I said to Jace.


Jace took a ragged breath, ran a hand through his hair and jaw, and strolled
past me.


From the living room, I heard, "Kip."


Taryn sighed and slumped on the bed, weary. "I'm so tired of this." She said
quietly, searching. "I'm just…tired of not having Jace in my life and then
getting him back and now—he's going again and it might be another five years
before I see him."


She lifted dull eyes to me and said flatly, "But you'll get him for as long
as you want. He'd do anything for you."


"Should I not state the obvious." Tray.


"It's not about that." Taryn sniped out, angry. "Jace was mine. He's my
family and you stroll in and he's like your meek little lamb. It makes me
sick."


"You really think Jace is like that with me?"


"What'd you guys do last night? Did he hold you and comfort you from whatever
was upsetting you? He used to do that to me too. I took Brian to rehab and every
goddamn time, Jace was there for me. I know how addicting he is, how he does
little things. He always used to buy me Diet Coke. Does he get you something? He
got you coffee the other day. Is that what he does for you?" She laughed,
harshly. "I love Tray. I need Tray. There's no question, but Jace is family and
I don't get to have him like you do. So spare me your bullshit reasoning of who
I spread my legs for, it's not about that."


And this was the badass Taryn who rivaled legends.


Here were her fighting words.


"This isn't on me." I remarked. "So don't you dare put it on me. What's your
issue? The little girl inside you is asking why you aren't enough for him? Are
you crying from your corner? Sniffling?"


"You shut up!" Taryn hurled back. "You shut the fuck up!"


"You're crying because you're losing your family? Are you serious? I have to
let one of mine die and I'm supposed to comfort you?" I asked, bitterly. I
stepped closer. "You think you had a bad childhood. Mommy and daddy not want you
so you grew up in different homes. You could've ran, but you never did. You ran,
but you ran to Jace and Brian. What a hardship that must've been, to run to two
guys who loved you. And now look at you, you're crying 'why not me?' when you've
got someone in the other room."


"I already told you—" Taryn started, darkly.


I interrupted, "But it's not about that! It's about why you can't have them
both. It's about why you're not good enough for him to stick around and play the
sad lovestruck puppy, but that's not Jace, Taryn. And it's an insult for you to
even consider that it would be."


"Don't you goddamn tell me what Jace is and what he isn't. I know Jace."


"Do you really?" I taunted. "I'm getting a little tired of your poor-me
attitude."


Fury flared in her depths and she whipped back, "Are you kidding me? Poor-me
attitude? Who's the indulgent one here? It's not me. I've played nice. I've been
the good girl and he's—"


"He's still leaving, isn't he." I finished for her. "You have a golden career
coming up. You've got family. You've got Tray—from my point of view, you're
being the self-indulgent little princess throwing her temper tantrum."


Taryn gasped, but surged forward.


So did I, but as I brought my hand up, Jace grabbed it and yanked me behind
him. With one hand tight on my fist, with my blade gripped tightly, he shoved
back Taryn and said tightly, "Back off."


"You're telling me?" Taryn snarled.


"She's right. You're throwing a fit and I'm tired of it. Your not angry at
Maya so stop taking it out on her. You're angry at me so deal with me."


"I can't! You're leaving!"


Jace didn't say anything. He stood rigid, clamped back what he'd been about
to say, grabbed his bag, turned his back and pushed me ahead of him.


I grabbed mine, set beside the couch where I'd been sitting, and we left,
abruptly and harshly as the door banged shut behind us.


Kip was at the wheel of a car and Jace directed me to the backseat. He took
front and we sped off.


I didn't say anything, but I knew he'd just left a hole with Taryn.


What a goodbye.


And what a way to leave unfinished business, probably never to be finished,
gaping and raw.


Jace ignored the tension that we'd just left and handed some papers to me. He
informed, "These are fake, but it'll do. That's your new name."


"Why do I need a fake i.d.?"


"We're going through Panther territory to get where we need to. A lot of them
won't recognize me, but they'll know our names. We have to give them different
names."


I wanted to ask why we were going through Panther territory, but Jace was
quietly conversing with Kip, who might've been a genuine Panther or was another
agent recruited by Jace.


Jace's phone rang and I heard him say, "Yeah. We're out. Move in and retract
them."


He hung up and I knew that Taryn would have another unpleasant surprise. He'd
done what he'd intended to in the first place. He had just ordered Taryn and
Tray to be removed for a cozy hideaway, set far away, and out of the firing
line.


"I thought we were alone." I noted.


Jace held my gaze and I saw the cool professional back in action. He replied,
simply, "I've got a loyal network, before and afterwards."


I glanced to Kip.


Jace grinned faintly, darkly, and said, "I left behind a few from those days
too."


So Kip was a true and bonafide Panther general.


"Where are we going?" I asked and saw my new name was to be Patience
Hollings.


"Where you told me to go last night." Jace only said and turned back.


I leaned back and closed my eyes. We were going to Marcus', which was set
nice and tight in the heart of Panther territory. No one messed with the
Panthers and Marcus had made sure to recruit their new leader after Jace had
left everyone in his quake.


Marcus used them as personal bodyguards, but I saw that he didn't comprehend
how deep their bond went, even through a leader turned narc.


And then again, Jace had been a true Panther, one of the worst and
infamous.


He hadn't turned on them, just on Galverson, who must've stomped on their
territory and business.


Gang territory looks the same to those who don't it's there. Tourists,
white-collar citizens passed through without blinking at their safety, but
everyone else knew where the lines were drawn and the protocol to pass
through.


And if you wanted to do business, there were strict guidelines and fees to
pay.


I knew because a few had come knocking on my door after a productive poker
game.


Being Marcus' girlfriend had allowed me some leverage, but not enough. I
wanted their silence for who I was, where I lived, and who's girlfriend I was so
I paid my own fees and they never said a word.


Panthers weren't narcs. They knew a lot of secrets, but they kept the cash
coming in because they kept those secrets secret.


They'd known mine, but I knew a few of theirs.


And I knew that we were going to get shaken down pretty stiffly at our first
juncture.


The Panthers had members who owned businesses, who ran their small-time cons,
and who became solid citizens.


Jace had set that up and it wasn't a coincidence that his network of
undercover agents scattered in every point of concern.


Jace took the Panther gang and turned them into a full-fledged business, but
they still heeded the groundwork for Marcus.


The streets ran on different levels.


Marcus pulled in distribution currency from across the country while the
Panthers ran territory at home, in Pedlam.


When the Panthers got big enough, they could become a threat, but for now:
Marcus used their talent and connections to protect his own. He kicked them
money and they acted as his bulldogs.


We passed through the first mile and it wasn't long before two motorcycles
quickly passed us by. I caught the quick check before they saw it was Kip at the
wheel and they now acted as escorts.


Jace had pulled a baseball cap on, but he looked down to study his
blueprints.


We crossed another five miles before a barricade happened across the road. It
was in the guise of a car accident and Kip slowed down to a halt, along with
three other cars behind us.


A driver got out from each car, but stayed beside their cars.


"Here we go." Jace murmured.


I sat up straight and reached for my identification.


A guy materialized at Kip's window and tapped on it for him to roll down. He
did and they exchanged a series of handshakes that told the checkpoint leader
who Kip was and how high his rank ran.


It was enough because our identification was never requested and we were
allowed past the car accident that was easily pulled to the side.


"The next one won't be for awhile. Anyone who gets past Tennan's is solid. We
can bunk you guys down in a warehouse before the next checkpoint." Kip said.


Jace nodded and asked, "How's Merit doing?"


Kip glanced sharply at Jace, but only said, "He's tight. He's alive."


Jace nodded and watched out the window.


I made a note to ask about Merit later that night, but as Kip pulled into a
warehouse, I knew I might not get the chance.


The warehouse looked like every other gray-steeled and abandoned warehouse
from the outside, but the inside crawled with Panthers.


Panthers and guns strapped to their hips, their shoulders, and cemented to
their hands.


"What is this place?"


"It's one of our weapons hangars." Kip answered. "Let's go."


He parked and climbed out of the car. The doors closed behind us, but no one
approached with questions.


Jace followed right behind me as Kip led us towards the back and into a
solitary bedroom.


Kip nodded, held the door open, and shut it behind us.


Jace told me before I could ask, "Kip runs this territory and the next. We'll
be okay until we get closer to Marcus' house."


"You couldn't just helicopter to his house and stormed it?" I asked, but I
knew we couldn't have. Marcus had enough security to shoot us down if we hovered
too long over his home.


"Trust me." Jace murmured and unloaded his blueprints again. "I'm the one
these guys are going to go after. My hand is itching just as much as yours."


"We're surrounded by Panthers."


"Panthers that were my brothers for a long time." Jace reminded me. "I left
them too when I left Galverson. I've got a few who are loyal to me, like Kip,
but 95 percent of them want me roasted and boiled alive."


"What's the plan?"


"We get as close as we can and slip in, all stealth like, to Marcus' house
where we get the Key."


"You think that's going to work?" I asked, tongue-in-cheek, with my blade
permanently in my hand.


Jace lifted haunted eyes to me when he remarked, "I have the blueprints for
the territory around his house, but you're my guide once we get in."


"I don't know how to sneak inside."


"You left him before."


"Yeah. Through the front door. Marcus trusted me back then. He let me come
and go as I please. He won't trust me anymore." I said wryly as I sat on the
bed.


It was a dark and dingy room with a table, two bare wooden chairs, and a bed
that looked like it had been rumpled enough to last it's cleansing lifetime.


Jace saw my slight grimace and gestured towards a closet, "There's new sheets
in there."


"What's our cover here?"


"We don't need one. Kip brought us in so we're good until we get to
Merit's."


"And what happened to Merit? Why is he still alive?"


An emotion flickered in Jace's depths, but he said flatly, "We had a
disagreement. I shot out his eyes."


"You what?" I was startled.


"I meant to shoot his brains out, but I got rushed just as I shot. I missed
and just got his eyes." Jace said grimly.


"How do you expect us to get past him?!" I asked, incredulous. I didn't want
to ask what the disagreement was about.


"He's blind. He can't see anything and he has all new guys. Everyone from the
old crew follows Kip. They were loyal to me. None of his new guys know me. I'll
shower just before we head in and I won't talk. You're going to be talking for
me when we go."


"You think that'll fly?"


"It has to." Jace cut out. "And before you ask, I'm not talking about
Taryn."


"Trust me." I said faintly. "It's the last thing on my mind."


Jace nodded and then stretched with a rakish yawn. He put the papers away and
I asked, "What are you doing?"


"I'm going to shower and try to sleep a little. We move tonight." Jace
informed me and walked towards a closed door that opened to the smallest
bathroom that I'd ever seen. The sink was almost in the doorway with a toilet to
it's immediate right and the shower on it's other side.


Jace stripped out of his clothes with the door open, turned the water on, and
stepped once into the shower.


I stifled a tiresome sigh, stood, and crossed for new sheets.


I had just stripped the old sheets when Jace left the shower and offered, "I
can do that if you want to shower?"


I didn't say anything, but left the sheets on the bed, still unfolded and
smelling stale but clean.


Jace briskly dried himself and slipped on a pair of jeans as I took my own
clothes off and moved into the shower. When I left, the bed was done and Jace
was doing push-ups on the other side of the bed.


I dressed and sat at the table as I watched.


The hunger was there. It was always there, but there was too much else on top
of it.


Grief. Blistering rage. And a fight for our survival.


Jace finished his push-ups and flipped to his back for sit-ups.


After I stopped counting them, he continued for awhile and then stopped with
a sheen of sweat on his stomach. His breathing never broke from it's rhythmic
beat and he met my eyes, darkly and with his own lust prominent.


His pants hadn't been buttoned and when he stood to stand before me, I put a
foot on them and pushed them down as I stood in front of him.


Jace ducked and lifted my shirt off in a swift cleansing motion.


We stood just apart, but breathing against each other for a moment. And then
Jace's lips claimed mine and I let myself get swept up. My hunger for him never
seemed to be appeased.