CHAPTER FIFTEEN


It was a backroad, cheap as they come, motel that Jace picked after we'd
eaten at a twenty-four hour diner.


The insides were strewn of pink and dust. The bedsheets looked crocheted by a
loving touch and thrown atop the two full beds after a few rounds of dirty, rent
the room by the hour, sex.


Jace just watched for my reaction, but I gave nothing away.


It was our little battle, who broke first.


After a shower and change of dress, we both laid down to the early morning
sounds of breakfast greeters and coffee mongers.


Some doors banged open and shut thirty minutes after we'd rested our heads,
but when I glanced over, Jace was fast asleep.


I stared at the ceiling as it was slowly lit by the early morning sunshine.
The traffic started to a continuous rush and the white noise eventually faded
into a continuous lull to my ears. My eyelids fluttered shut after another hour
and the fog from my bones eventually shifted and took over my entire body.


When I woke, Jace was bent over the desk, studying something intently. I
rolled to the side and watched him without being watched in return.


It was a little liberating and the tension was lifted off my chest. I
realized how suffocating Jace's keen attention was in that moment when I felt it
lifted away off me.


"I got some coffee." Jace murmured with this back still turned. "It's on your
nightstand."


Not one, but two traveling cups sat beside me. I smelled their aroma now and
felt a clenched knot unwind as it answered the steam's beckoning.


"Thanks. Are they both for me?" I yawned and sat up to rest against the
headboard.


"You like coffee." Jace only said.


I took a warm, lingering, sip before I asked, watching the corded muscles
ripple as he shifted to grab something beyond his reach from the desk, "What are
you looking at?"


"I'm not doing this." Jace said curtly.


"Doing what?" I frowned and took another savoring sip. "I just asked what
you're looking at."


"No. You might've asked that, but you really want to know what I'm looking
at."


"Uh…yeah."


"No, that's not what I meant. This will just explode into another one of our
arguments. I'm not doing that."


"Okay." I sighed. "Now this is exploding into one of our arguments. It's a
simple question and you have your hackles in the air."


"I'm not going to fight."


"You're making this into a fight."


"No." Jace twisted and stared at me. "You want to know what I'm looking at,
I'm not going to tell you. So stop asking."


"Fine. No more questions." I rolled my eyes and took another sip. "Is this
going to be a rule with everything? Like, if you're looking out the window, can
I ask what you're looking at?"


"That's not the same thing."


"Yes. It is."


"No, it's not. Me looking out the window has to do with you because you're in
the same room as me, but me looking at my work—has nothing to do with you."


"So you are working here?" I grinned.


Jace turned back and continued his perusal over the desk.


"You know…" I started, but couldn't contain another grin of delight when his
back stiffened. "It might be a little easier if you just tell me what you're
working on here. I could help."


"No." He clipped out.


"Why not?"


"Because."


"I could help and it's not like I'm going to go and tell your secrets. I'm
not going anywhere, remember? I was good enough to find you."


"I don't work with teams. I work alone."


"What? That might consist of communication and you don't swing that way?"


Jace turned back and pinned me with his eyes. "No. It might consist of you
dying if I tell you anything."


That didn't bother me. I asked, "Does it have to do with the bodies that I
mentioned before? You knew who Oscar was right away when I said that, so I'm
thinking you're here because of that."


Jace didn't comment, but turned back to his papers.


I finished my coffee when I mused, "Is it a serial killer? Are you here to
catch him? Kinda like you're in another undercover operation that's not really
undercover at all?"


"You're annoying when you let your mind wander."


I grinned, "I can be more annoying."


"Please don't."


"Yes, please." I countered with a chuckle.


"Why don't you go and get food? I grabbed the coffee and I'm hungry for
lunch." He grinned rakishly and taunted, "But please don't lead your lover's men
here or let them kill you…second thought…that might be okay with me, but I'd
like some food first."


I stood and dressed again. When I emerged from the bathroom, I pulled on a
coat and crossed to the door. With my hand to the doorknob, I asked, "Would it
bother you—if I died?"


Jace looked up and held my eyes.


We were always doing that. One of us was always looking at the other and
other times, the shared glances quickly boiled to an exploding climax. One of us
always broke the exchange before it got out of hand, but we were always watching
the other, studying the other and neither got ahead or let anything shine
through.


Jace broke this one and hunched over his desk again.


Before I left, I spied a roll of money on his desk and nabbed it as the door
shut behind me.


The gas station across the road matched the quality of our motel, but there
were phone cards and that was what I needed. I bought two pops and two
sandwiches before I turned the corner and took a deep breath as I faced off with
the payphone.


My fingers trembled as I dialed the numbers, but it didn't take as long as I
hoped and I heard Gravon's voice answer briskly, expecting a telemarketer.


"We're not inter—" He started to bark the bark that he'd perfected over years
of being Marcus' number two. Gravon did the dirty work that Marcus delegated him
to head. He was tall, nearly obese, and he had a thick exterior that wasn't made
of skin.


Gravon punched when Marcus caressed. Marcus yelled when Gravon smiled. It was
an odd duo between the two, but they worked and they worked successfully.


I interrupted him, "It's me."


Gravon choked on his abrupt curse, but he breathed. That's what I wanted. I
wanted Gravon to breathe, because he'd hear me and he'd champion my case later.
When Marcus and I fought, Gravon and I wept together. There'd only been one time
that I'd landed on the ugly side of Marcus' burly muscleman that showed heart at
times.


Gravon didn't curse, but he prayed underneath his breath.


"He's gone insane, Mayan. Do you know that?" Gravon murmured quietly and I
knew that Marcus was in the room. I heard his voice in the background.


"His men shot me." I said shortly. "I'm not coming back, Gravon."


"I know that. He knows that, but he doesn't want to believe that. He wants
you, Mayan, and we both know why."


"I don't know what he thinks I know."


"He knows that you know. I know that you know. And you know that you're lying
to us. Stop lying, Mayan!"


There was abrupt silence on his end and my eyes closed. I already knew and a
second later the phone was wrenched away and I heard his voice, smooth as ever,
whisper across the extension, "Maya?"


This was redemption time, but a barricade kept either from crossing because
neither of us asked for redemption. It was a surreal moment as I heard my lover
of five years cry out over the phone, a man who forced thousands to kneel before
him and he pleaded in my ears, "Maya, please."


"Your men shot me."


There was another brief lull of silence before he murmured, "What are you
talking about? My men lost you in New York at that ball. You did a marvelous job
of sliding out from underneath their noses. I hated to admit it, but I was proud
of mi bella."


"I'm not yours, Marcus."


"You'll always be mine, bella."


"Call off your men."


"Never. I want you back!" Marcus said fiercely. I heard Gravon order the room
emptied behind him. I didn't know if it should've brought a smile or a weariness
to my bones, but I closed my eyes in an emotion I left unnamed and I slumped
against the dingy gas station to my back. It's rusty cracked bricks cut into my
back, but I never knew they were there.


I just needed the support.


"I'm out, Marcus. I'm not coming back."


"You left me and you broke my heart."


"That's not why you want me and we both know it."


"I've loved two women, Maya, and you were the one I shared my heart with. I
can't take that back. I don't want my heart back, I want you back."


"I don't know where your sister is." I whispered, hoarse. "I wish I did. I
wish that I knew where she was and I could save her, but I don't and I'm
sorry."


Marcus was quiet for a heartbeat and then he whispered, silkily, "I think
that you have an uncanny ability to do what you set in mind. You lied to me for
five years and you disappeared like smoke. If anyone can find my sister, I think
that person is you."


I shook my head even though I knew no one saw the silent protest.


Marcus pressed, earnestly, "Did you lie about your love? Was it all a lie
besides your name? Your home? Everything except the body I held underneath
me?"


I had told him that I loved him, but I took it back the night before I
vanished. He knew my name and he knew I didn't love him. Those were the only
truths that passed my lips.


"Did Petrie tell you about my friend?" I shifted on my side.


"What?"


"Petrie. He talked to Roobie and they got the info where I was. Did Petrie
tell you that the girl who snitched was a friend of mine. We went way back."


I was praying against hope that Jace was wrong, that Marcus hadn't tied up
this loose end.


"Maya." He started and I knew Jace had been right.


Jace was always right. That irritated thought flashed in my mind as I cursed
inwardly and spilled out, "Did you kill her?"


"Let me guess." I said bitterly. "Petrie sweetened the pot with Roobie if he
took care of his little snitch and then Petrie flew to New York and did in his
own little snitch. Is that how it went down?"


"Maya, you know how these things are."


"Zara was going to open up her own Bistro. She wanted out of our business. I
bet you didn't know that."


Our business. The words slipped past my lips and I never thought twice.


"She wasn't loyal to you, Maya. Do you really want that kind of friend?"


I choked on the hypocrisy and pointed out, "Are you aware of who you're
saying that to?"


"Maya—"


"I left you. I lied to you. I was not loyal to you." I cried back.


"That's different." Marcus argued. "You have never been disloyal to me.
Never. I know that it's not in you."


"What?"


"You are not disloyal to those you love."


"I don't love you!"


"Yes, you do. You do love me and you know it, but you are just too scared to
admit it."


"I don't love you. I left you—" My words died suddenly as a finger pressed
down on the payphone and a dial-tone sounded in my ears after a shocked
beep.


I looked up and saw an impassive Jace staring back at me.


He didn't say a thing, but reached for the sandwiches and pop before he
crossed the street and disappeared into the motel room.


I stared at the closed door for a moment as a dozen recriminations sounded in
my ears.


I heaved a sigh and when I moved into the room, I stopped in surprise to find
him packing his small bag again. He finished and started packing my one bag.


"What are you doing?" My hand left the door, dazed, and it swung shut behind
me.


"Packing because your lover probably traced that call. He'll have men here
within the hour, if I'm guessing right."


Not if they had to fly and take another hour ride by car. He forgot that
detail—they weren't already in Paynes.


The words never entered my throat and I started piling up his papers as I
ranted, blindly, "I don't even know why I called him. I thought I could talk to
him, make me see reason, but it was useless. I know that now and then he started
telling me that I loved him…"


As I ranted meaningless words, my eyes were sharp as they rapidly raced over
every sheet of paper before I stuffed them in an orderly pile. For his show, I
had to push them together hurriedly so I caught snatches of words and phrases,
not enough to obtain a clear understanding.


I turned and handed them over to his sardonic gaze, our two bags hung over
his shoulder as he held out a hand. Jace arched an eyebrow and asked, smoothly,
"You get a good look?"


I dropped the blind rant and forced a smile, "You have your secrets. I'll
have mine."


Jace narrowed his eyes and nodded, "You called your boy to see if he'd sent
those men after us."


"Yes." I didn't deny it.


"And now because you didn't trust me, your boy really is coming."


"Probably."


Jace shook his head and moved towards the door, "It's nice to know we
understand each other."


"Yes, it is." I said easily as I followed him out the door and it swung shut
on my heel.


In the car, Jace asked, "So, how was it? Hearing your lover proclaim his love
all over again for you? Make you tempted?"


I kept quiet and watched out the window. I did that a lot lately.


"Did your knees go weak again? Did you feel his touch all over again?"


"Would you like me to? Would you like me to go back to him? To have him slide
inside again?" I hurled back with a lustful smile.


Jace grinned good-naturedly and returned, "And leave me alone with no one to
argue with? The law of nature would be unkempt. What would we do?"


I gritted my teeth.


"Don't take it out on the teeth. They just do their job of eating." Jace
soothed.


I shook my head in frustration, "Marcus doesn't love me. He just wants me
because he has this stupid idea that I know where his sister is."


"Do you?"


"Why do you care?"


Jace ignored that and said instead, "I feel for her. Is she hiding from him?
That's another law of nature, hide from any relatives that are murdering
psychos."


"You like laws of nature?" I asked as I narrowed my eyes at him. "Is that
because you like bending them or breaking them?"


"Neither. I just like violating them." Jace smiled.


"You're an ass."


"See—you don't hear me arguing that point. When I called you a bitch, you had
to hem and haw about it, but it's the truth. Now—me—not arguing. I'm an ass, but
it's kept me alive for a long time now."


"Alive and alone." I taunted.


"Maybe that's why I actually want you around, huh?" Jace laughed to himself.
"Maybe I'm just really lonely? See, you're helping with that 'not suicidal'
thing that you were talking about before."


"So you want me around?"


"Oh no. I'm not touching that one. Last time we locked horns on that, I heard
all about how my brother died because of me, Taryn didn't love me enough, blah
blah blah. I'm good right now not to cross that one."


I remembered Taryn and I remembered New York—and that made me remember…
"Zara."


"What?" Jace asked, confused.


All the talk, all the pleads and taunts—I'd forgotten.


"You were right." I murmured. "He killed her."


I sat back and heard what Marcus hadn't said. Marcus wasn't Jace or me. The
truth wasn't protected with flashy taunts, jibes, or lies. Marcus never
confessed, but he never fought the truth.


"He tried to tell me that I was better off without her."


Jace fell quiet. He drove beside me.


"He…he killed her and her boss. You were right about the loose ends thing.
And he told me that he was proud of me for 'slipping' out from underneath his
men. What kind of a psycho says that?"


Jace said softly, genuinely, "Someone who isn't right in the head or someone
who wants you to think that they aren't right in the head. Those are two kinds
that would say something like that."


I glanced at him and held my breath at the fierce concentration on his
features.


Jace continued and I realized that he was talking to himself, "There are
different kinds of murderers. There's the passionate murderers who lose theirs
heads or let their emotions get control over them. There's the psychotic
murderers who think killing is their art, their calling, and they don't see life
and death how everyone else does. Life is fluid in their eyes. They're the truly
sick ones. And then…there's the ones who don't respect what life is and killing
is just a means to an end. And lastly, there's the killers by default…"


"What are those like?" And I knew who we were talking about.


"They kill because somewhere down the line, they have to. They made a choice
and killing became a part of that choice, whether they liked it or not…those are
like cops or…"


"Undercover agents?"


"Yeah." Jace frowned, but he never glanced my way.


I felt the shift in conversation and rolled with it. I said, cautiously, "I
knew Sal Galverson."


Jace glanced at me, studied me as always, but didn't say anything.


"I knew him when Lily and I were friends. I met him a few times…he was a nice
guy…to me."


"Yeah." Jace clipped out. "Sal was nice to Lily and that was about it. She
was his shining angel and the only thing he did right in his life."


"So he had a heart? Somewhere inside of him?"


"Everyone has a heart." Jace mused. "Some just forget it's there and others
never learn to use it, but we all have hearts."


And that made me wonder when his had woken up.


"Did my…," I caught my breath, glanced blindly out the window, and asked,
"did my brother have a heart?"


Jace felt the shift in conversation when he glanced my way, but I asked, "Did
he…did he ever talk about his family?" I frowned and answered my own question,
"No. He wouldn't. Krein probably tried to forget all about us."


"He did." Jace said softly and my eyes whirled to his.


We didn't study the other this time. We just saw a reflected haunt in the
other.


Jace added, "Once. We were…" A grin softened his features as he remembered in
fondness. "We were so drunk one night and it was just the two of us. Usually
some of the other guys were around, or Cammy, or…whoever Krein was banging that
week, but…for some reason it was just us two. He talked about you that night. We
drank all night and it was, like, four in the morning when he told me that he
had a sister in town."


I sat as a stone.


"He…talked about you. He used to rock you at night, I guess. He told me that.
And…he used to tell you stories at night so you wouldn't cry and wake up your
mom. He said that his voice could always make you stop crying." Jace grinned,
tenderly, "I think Krein was pretty proud of the brother that he was for you, in
the beginning, at least."


He left me. That's what I thought in that moment. He might've rocked me, told
me stories, but he left in the end.


"Didn't stop him from walking out." I said hoarsely.


"Yeah, well…we're all pretty selfish when we're in our prepubescent years."
Jace chuckled, wryly, "Most people don't ever grow out of that."


I shook off the hallowed haunting and asked, briskly, "So where are we going
now?"


Jace took the hint and shrugged, "I know a place that we can hole up. I
didn't want to go there before, but…since we're going to get attacked on two
fronts, I'm going to need a better base and better weapons."


"You lied to me before."


"Yeah."


Neither of us split hairs.


"Glad we understand each other." I echoed his words with a splash of
disdain.


"Me too." Jace echoed my sentiment.